We met some friends for breakfast a few Sundays ago. I had to leave early because I was singing in another local church and they wound up spending another hour together and THAT's when it happened! What is that? That's when Frank, or somebody...and I don't think it was the wife of the other couple, came up with this new invention.
Unfortunately, I can't help but think that since I was the only one not in on this...that it was me who inspired this brainstorm.
Ok...here it is; it's called the "Conversation Piece." A wooden box that sits in the middle of the table and keeps track of how long each person is talking. When someone monopolizes the conversation, there is this obnoxious warning buzzer, which will, my husband feels, will only have to go off a few times before eventually keeping talking time more evenly distributed.
Frank has gone to the trouble of actually designing (on paper) a prototype, complete with 3D ears on each of the four panels, right above the LCD display of minutes 'talked'. On the drawing, just an example, I'm told...nothing personal, my side of the box shows 52 minutes. His 0.25 sec. Hmmmm...Of course, I wasn't convinced that this is going to make the millions proposed by my hubby...but, he says that someone told Bill Gates that no one would want a personal computer either.
Ok, so if you can't beat em, join em, I always say. So, what do you think about this? Forget the buzzer, why don't we create a restaurant, heck, a restaurant chain around the Conversation Piece and instead of a warning bell, the entire kitchen and wait staff can come to your table and chant "You talk too mu-uch, You talk too mu-uch...Give someone else a chance!" Sung to the tune of "la Cucaracha" (sp?)
Anyway, I'm feeling like this is a little bit elaborate scheme of my husbands to simply tell me that I talk too much, although he doesn't know the half of it, since Blogging is silent :) Yet, I have been known to be morbidly sensitive. So..hmmmm...who knows, maybe he's on to something;)
Wednesday, June 29, 2005
Friday, June 24, 2005
Me, Myself and McGee
One of those nightmare things you hope never happens...happened last night. I wrote a post for hours and went to publish...it said something about the "website not responding"....and poof! Hours of work lost in cyberspace...I tried refreshing...going back...nothing!!
Don't you hate that? In fact that's one of those things where Christian or not...I'm glad no one was in the room at the time. Cause then they'd be saying "Oh...and you're supposed to be a Christian???" That reminds me of that bumper sticker..."Have patience, Christian under construction." That sounds like "you need to forgive me for not living up to what I believe...I'm only human." I have a better one; "Don't Blame Jesus! I'm the Knucklehead Who Did It!"
Hey, sometimes, I admit it, I know full well the expectations on someone claiming to be a Christian and I give in anyway...maybe throw a temper tantrum, criticize or gossip. However, (and really, I'm not making excuses) there's this wierd transition between the "old" life, and the "after Christ" life, where you carry some of that old, bad stuff into the Christian journey like luggage.
Honestly, sometimes I hate to think that people are judging God by the stupid things I say and do. What a huge responsibility. That's why instead of a bumper sticker, maybe we should wear a disclaimer on our forehead, releasing Jesus of all responsibility when I make a mess of things.
That's another thing that was a total shock to the Christian life...before, you'd go around stumbling through things, if you made a mistake, you banged your head against the wall a few times and keep going...if somebody said something, you shot them a quick "hey,&#&% mind your own business!" But once you began to know HIM, learn compassion, learn to think differently, reason differently, and have this new compulsion to read the Bible, suddenly, you're expected by Christians and non-Christians to be on your best behavior every minute, every action counts and you're accountable to everybody, and believe me, EVERYBODY will give their opinion.
Like I said there's this wierd transition and though on the inside..your thoughts, your desires are all changing, there are some things that remain the same. For instance, I was a hairdresser when I became a believer. I'd been working at the same place for 11 years with lots of clients on my book. My gift of "hairdressing" didn't change, so even though some of them thought I'd totally freaked on them, they continued to come to me to get their hair done. One lady worked in a video store...it was 1989, remember when all that video stuff was fairly new? Well, she used to bring me bags of movies when they got rid of them. My kids loved this perk and always looked forward to it.
Now our whole family was going through this change and all kinds of things were suddenly occurring to me that I'd never given a thought to before. Like, I was starting to realize that just because something was packaged in a nice little video, it wasn't necessarily something my kids should be watching. But, movies were expensive and I certainly couldn't bring myself to just throwing them out...even though I remember making a mental "notice what kids are watching." A lot of new revelations in every detail of life were popping up everywhere.
Another new revelation was the Christian Bookstore. I never even knew these places existed. I remember being so excited to discover a whole sub-culture of Christian books and music. They even had Christian videos you could rent. At the time, there was ...McGee and Me. It had just come out. This was a series about a little blonde bouffant-head animated character who helped a real live boy through life's challenges. The cute little cartooned McGee was a kind of Jiminy Cricket, lending conscience through scripture to dilemma after dilemma. Great!! McGee would help me unteach my kids some of the stuff they'd already been exposed to. I rented them the entire series...anything to help me along in this new concept of 'good Christian mothering.'
The trouble with rentals...you've gotta take them back. So, to avoid a hefty late fee, I made sure to put that high on the 'to-do' list on my one day off. "Grab those McGee movies, Paul." I told my oldest son. "Are they all rewound?" I asked him as we got in the car. He assured me they were and I dropped them off with the new and unlikely friends I'd been making at the Christian Bookstore.
A few days later, as I was cleaning, a mixture of fear and panic set in as I ran accross a "McGee & Me" movie without a cover. What was in that box? Frantically I went through our videos and realized the only thing missing was our Disney Family Vacation, taken a few years back. "Oh, no...we weren't Christians then, I'm sure there's some questionable stuff on there...what will my new Christian friends think?"
"Umm..I feel so stupid," trying to joke around with the girl who answered the phone. "but, I think one of the McGee & Me boxes we returned might contain our family's vacation instead." I laughed. Ummmm...dead silence.
"No" The girl was not laughing..."it wasn't your family's vacation" she replied emotionless. My heart sunk as she related the horrible details; apparently, a Christian family had rented the series right after we did. Apparently, a more diligent and much wiser Christian mom had taken the time to preview even McGee & Me before allowing her kids to watch. Good thing! There was a boy and his sidekick alright...but, he was no McGee! The little animated star of this movie was named "Chuckie!" Suddenly, I saw my life pass before my eyes envisioning a little traumatized homeschooler screaming from nightmares of the little demon-possessed boy-doll of the popular horror flick. "Child's Play was in the box. We'd appreciate if you'd come and get it and bring in McGee & Me." the girl finished curtly. She might as well have said what she was thinking "...and you call yourself a Christian!"
All kinds of excuses came to me, like "How in the world did THAT horrible thing get in there?" but, I didn't bother. Simply said, "oh...um....you can just go on and throw that away." I think I had someone else take in the McGee movie and I never stepped foot in there again! It wouldn't be the last time some nasty thing from who I used to be would come creeping in and cross over into the who I am now. Only I now know that it's those things that motivate those who don't believe to just dismiss all of Christianity with a disgusted..."hypocrite!" just like I used to. Then there's your new Christian family who suddenly are appalled that you would do anything so dispicable. I know that God forgives me and understands. Still it's hard not to feel badly when you're aware of what people expect from someone who says they follow Christ. I feel bad that they're going to look at me who comes with all sorts of issues, when I wish they could look past me and right at Christ, who's perfect.
That's why I don't like that bumper sticker...you don't need to have patience with me, or I'm not perfect...just forgiven. If I really know Christ and His forgiveness, you don't need to have patience with me, you don't even need to forgive the stupid things I say and do. You're right, sometimes I AM actually being a hypocrite. Just don't blame HIM...please!!
Don't you hate that? In fact that's one of those things where Christian or not...I'm glad no one was in the room at the time. Cause then they'd be saying "Oh...and you're supposed to be a Christian???" That reminds me of that bumper sticker..."Have patience, Christian under construction." That sounds like "you need to forgive me for not living up to what I believe...I'm only human." I have a better one; "Don't Blame Jesus! I'm the Knucklehead Who Did It!"
Hey, sometimes, I admit it, I know full well the expectations on someone claiming to be a Christian and I give in anyway...maybe throw a temper tantrum, criticize or gossip. However, (and really, I'm not making excuses) there's this wierd transition between the "old" life, and the "after Christ" life, where you carry some of that old, bad stuff into the Christian journey like luggage.
Honestly, sometimes I hate to think that people are judging God by the stupid things I say and do. What a huge responsibility. That's why instead of a bumper sticker, maybe we should wear a disclaimer on our forehead, releasing Jesus of all responsibility when I make a mess of things.
That's another thing that was a total shock to the Christian life...before, you'd go around stumbling through things, if you made a mistake, you banged your head against the wall a few times and keep going...if somebody said something, you shot them a quick "hey,&#&% mind your own business!" But once you began to know HIM, learn compassion, learn to think differently, reason differently, and have this new compulsion to read the Bible, suddenly, you're expected by Christians and non-Christians to be on your best behavior every minute, every action counts and you're accountable to everybody, and believe me, EVERYBODY will give their opinion.
Like I said there's this wierd transition and though on the inside..your thoughts, your desires are all changing, there are some things that remain the same. For instance, I was a hairdresser when I became a believer. I'd been working at the same place for 11 years with lots of clients on my book. My gift of "hairdressing" didn't change, so even though some of them thought I'd totally freaked on them, they continued to come to me to get their hair done. One lady worked in a video store...it was 1989, remember when all that video stuff was fairly new? Well, she used to bring me bags of movies when they got rid of them. My kids loved this perk and always looked forward to it.
Now our whole family was going through this change and all kinds of things were suddenly occurring to me that I'd never given a thought to before. Like, I was starting to realize that just because something was packaged in a nice little video, it wasn't necessarily something my kids should be watching. But, movies were expensive and I certainly couldn't bring myself to just throwing them out...even though I remember making a mental "notice what kids are watching." A lot of new revelations in every detail of life were popping up everywhere.
Another new revelation was the Christian Bookstore. I never even knew these places existed. I remember being so excited to discover a whole sub-culture of Christian books and music. They even had Christian videos you could rent. At the time, there was ...McGee and Me. It had just come out. This was a series about a little blonde bouffant-head animated character who helped a real live boy through life's challenges. The cute little cartooned McGee was a kind of Jiminy Cricket, lending conscience through scripture to dilemma after dilemma. Great!! McGee would help me unteach my kids some of the stuff they'd already been exposed to. I rented them the entire series...anything to help me along in this new concept of 'good Christian mothering.'
The trouble with rentals...you've gotta take them back. So, to avoid a hefty late fee, I made sure to put that high on the 'to-do' list on my one day off. "Grab those McGee movies, Paul." I told my oldest son. "Are they all rewound?" I asked him as we got in the car. He assured me they were and I dropped them off with the new and unlikely friends I'd been making at the Christian Bookstore.
A few days later, as I was cleaning, a mixture of fear and panic set in as I ran accross a "McGee & Me" movie without a cover. What was in that box? Frantically I went through our videos and realized the only thing missing was our Disney Family Vacation, taken a few years back. "Oh, no...we weren't Christians then, I'm sure there's some questionable stuff on there...what will my new Christian friends think?"
"Umm..I feel so stupid," trying to joke around with the girl who answered the phone. "but, I think one of the McGee & Me boxes we returned might contain our family's vacation instead." I laughed. Ummmm...dead silence.
"No" The girl was not laughing..."it wasn't your family's vacation" she replied emotionless. My heart sunk as she related the horrible details; apparently, a Christian family had rented the series right after we did. Apparently, a more diligent and much wiser Christian mom had taken the time to preview even McGee & Me before allowing her kids to watch. Good thing! There was a boy and his sidekick alright...but, he was no McGee! The little animated star of this movie was named "Chuckie!" Suddenly, I saw my life pass before my eyes envisioning a little traumatized homeschooler screaming from nightmares of the little demon-possessed boy-doll of the popular horror flick. "Child's Play was in the box. We'd appreciate if you'd come and get it and bring in McGee & Me." the girl finished curtly. She might as well have said what she was thinking "...and you call yourself a Christian!"
All kinds of excuses came to me, like "How in the world did THAT horrible thing get in there?" but, I didn't bother. Simply said, "oh...um....you can just go on and throw that away." I think I had someone else take in the McGee movie and I never stepped foot in there again! It wouldn't be the last time some nasty thing from who I used to be would come creeping in and cross over into the who I am now. Only I now know that it's those things that motivate those who don't believe to just dismiss all of Christianity with a disgusted..."hypocrite!" just like I used to. Then there's your new Christian family who suddenly are appalled that you would do anything so dispicable. I know that God forgives me and understands. Still it's hard not to feel badly when you're aware of what people expect from someone who says they follow Christ. I feel bad that they're going to look at me who comes with all sorts of issues, when I wish they could look past me and right at Christ, who's perfect.
That's why I don't like that bumper sticker...you don't need to have patience with me, or I'm not perfect...just forgiven. If I really know Christ and His forgiveness, you don't need to have patience with me, you don't even need to forgive the stupid things I say and do. You're right, sometimes I AM actually being a hypocrite. Just don't blame HIM...please!!
Tuesday, June 21, 2005
Catching Up!
Wow! It's amazing how much happens in a week!
Keri's Birthday; It was great!!! In light of all the new developments in the Schiavo case...we are even more appreciative of celebrating her 30th year.
My only regret; we didn't have a video camera to record her "entrance". She rolled in on her motorized wheelchair after her dad told her they were going to some kind of 'crab-feast' or something like that. When she wheeled into the center of the room, it took her a second or two for it to register that everyone was talking to her when they gently said "Happy Birthday".(didn't want to scare her) THEN...she started realizing that she knew everyone. Keri looked around, screamed... kind of like ET...and spun that chair around, nearly running over her dad as she sped back out the door, half-laughing, half-screaming! It was hilarious...can't believe we didn't have a way to record that...
Food for party:couple hundred dollars -
Decorations - 149.50...
Keri speeding out of the place, screaming...priceless!!!! :)
Of course she came right back in and had a ball. Imagining her excitement didn't come close to the reality! My sister had asked me to sing: WHO I AM, by Jessica Andrews. OUr mom's name is Rosemary. So the lyrics to the chorus were especially poignant..
"I am Rosemary's grandaughter,
the spittin image of my father,
and when the day is done,
my mama's still my biggest fan.
Sometimes, I'm clueless and I'm clumsy,
but I've got friends who love me
they know just who I am."
It was hard to hold back the tears as Keri mouthed every single word (she can't really speak) as I sang them. THEN...the DJ and I played another song by Randy Travis, after I presented Keri a "signed birthday card" (I mailed him a letter and told him about her..so thanks Randy!) from "her favorite artist." She's already sent a note thanking him. She told him "he sure did miss a great party and should have been there!"
I have to agree! It was a great party!
Kind of crazy week though...from there I was called for jury duty and had to sit on a very serious case of "abduction and rape." Learned a lot about how our justice system works...the hard way!!! with way more graphic illustrations than anyone on the jury was comfortable with.
Sunday morning: led worship at a local church. The "band" consisted of friends I love dearly and don't get to spend much time with, so it was a double blessing! Then gave the Father's Day message to women at the local jail. That's always very humbling, I guess because the girls, for the most part, are so receptive, warm and seem so grateful. Some of them are so young, and seem frightened...you can't help but think of your own kids...when they cry...they just break my heart.
Oh...and my son, the one who tried that accupuncture stuff...he HAD to go and get antibiotics as he just couldn't kick the brochitis (threatening pneumonia, doc said) BUT...now that he's better, he's been testing those accupunture "allergy" treatments. He picked up and pet the cat, which he hasn't ever been able to do. No reaction!!! Also laid on the couch, which he couldn't do before because of allergies. No reaction!!! this week, he's being treated for 'mold'. By the way,
has anyone else ever tested around your house for mold? The doc told us to get these things at Home Depot. Mold Plates...actually little plastic containers. You pour in this gel, let it harden, then we sat one outside for 1 hour...I could have lived happily ever after without knowing the stuff that's growing in that petri dish! Good grief!!!
Keri's Birthday; It was great!!! In light of all the new developments in the Schiavo case...we are even more appreciative of celebrating her 30th year.
My only regret; we didn't have a video camera to record her "entrance". She rolled in on her motorized wheelchair after her dad told her they were going to some kind of 'crab-feast' or something like that. When she wheeled into the center of the room, it took her a second or two for it to register that everyone was talking to her when they gently said "Happy Birthday".(didn't want to scare her) THEN...she started realizing that she knew everyone. Keri looked around, screamed... kind of like ET...and spun that chair around, nearly running over her dad as she sped back out the door, half-laughing, half-screaming! It was hilarious...can't believe we didn't have a way to record that...
Food for party:couple hundred dollars -
Decorations - 149.50...
Keri speeding out of the place, screaming...priceless!!!! :)
Of course she came right back in and had a ball. Imagining her excitement didn't come close to the reality! My sister had asked me to sing: WHO I AM, by Jessica Andrews. OUr mom's name is Rosemary. So the lyrics to the chorus were especially poignant..
"I am Rosemary's grandaughter,
the spittin image of my father,
and when the day is done,
my mama's still my biggest fan.
Sometimes, I'm clueless and I'm clumsy,
but I've got friends who love me
they know just who I am."
It was hard to hold back the tears as Keri mouthed every single word (she can't really speak) as I sang them. THEN...the DJ and I played another song by Randy Travis, after I presented Keri a "signed birthday card" (I mailed him a letter and told him about her..so thanks Randy!) from "her favorite artist." She's already sent a note thanking him. She told him "he sure did miss a great party and should have been there!"
I have to agree! It was a great party!
Kind of crazy week though...from there I was called for jury duty and had to sit on a very serious case of "abduction and rape." Learned a lot about how our justice system works...the hard way!!! with way more graphic illustrations than anyone on the jury was comfortable with.
Sunday morning: led worship at a local church. The "band" consisted of friends I love dearly and don't get to spend much time with, so it was a double blessing! Then gave the Father's Day message to women at the local jail. That's always very humbling, I guess because the girls, for the most part, are so receptive, warm and seem so grateful. Some of them are so young, and seem frightened...you can't help but think of your own kids...when they cry...they just break my heart.
Oh...and my son, the one who tried that accupuncture stuff...he HAD to go and get antibiotics as he just couldn't kick the brochitis (threatening pneumonia, doc said) BUT...now that he's better, he's been testing those accupunture "allergy" treatments. He picked up and pet the cat, which he hasn't ever been able to do. No reaction!!! Also laid on the couch, which he couldn't do before because of allergies. No reaction!!! this week, he's being treated for 'mold'. By the way,
has anyone else ever tested around your house for mold? The doc told us to get these things at Home Depot. Mold Plates...actually little plastic containers. You pour in this gel, let it harden, then we sat one outside for 1 hour...I could have lived happily ever after without knowing the stuff that's growing in that petri dish! Good grief!!!
Friday, June 10, 2005
Keri's Birthday
Going up to Maryland this weekend to celebrate my neice's 30th birthday. Near Annapolis area...about 75 miles north of our neck of VA. Her mom, (my sis) rented a hall where she's going all out to make this an over-the-top special occassion. Special because 11 years ago, we didn't think she'd live to see it. That's when Dee's (my sis)only daughter, the oldest of two kids, walked into an emergency room complaining of a horrible headache, disorientation and numbness around her mouth...they made a quick diagnosis of MS, put her on massive doses of steroids and, though its much more complicated, I'm sure...in a nutshell...she proceeded to fall into a coma for the next few years, progressively getting worse and worse. This was the beginning of a nightmare for the entire family.
I know you've noticed on my profile, one of the blogs is "the starving of Terri Schiavo" This tragic situation brought back vivid memories of what we went through with Keri. In fact, those videos we saw all over TV? They looked EXACTLY like Keri in the early days of her illness. Worse than just the overall memories and video reminders was the horror of looking into Keri's face, and swearing we saw life...when all the experts swore it just wasn't there...that her responses and eye contact were all merely reflexes. I'm telling you, when I heard that Dr. death, who sealed Terri's death warrant, spew his propaganda that her responses (we clearly saw) to her mother were no different than "fingernails growing" I felt like snatching him through that television screen...ripping out his heart...and ...(oops) Ok, in a "Christian" loving sort of way:):):)
Seriusly, the whole Terri Schiavo thing still haunts me, as we now know that all these leading neurologists and other so called "experts" in Keri's case were wrong and we DID see life, recognition and awareness. She WAS responding, in complete opposition to what we were being told. Keri was also feeling pain when we were told that she absolutely felt nothing. How do we know???? Keri "told" us. How? #1, Keri didn't have a husband bent on killing her and #2, she had parents who fought relentlessly for their daughter, despite what "experts" were telling them. AND...despite the humiliating, condescending attitude of SOME (not ALL) med professionals who said things to my sister like "we're worried about you" "you're being selfish" "let her go" "you're in DENIAL"...and one who actually slammed his fist on the table to Dee's request that he might try something else. "You're going to have to face it!!! Your daughter came here to die!!" He yelled.
So what happened? Well, this is a really short version, but, after winning a court order to have her seen by a doctor,3 states away, willing to re evaluate her, she was taken...stiff and in the fetal position, by ambulance. Upon re evaluation, she was taken off steroids completely, re treated for LYME's Disease and began to respond. Of course it's been a very, very long road to the point she's at now. At first she "spoke" through a computer. But...even though she could only make noises at that time, I was astounded how much of Keri was in there...when I asked her about her treatments and asked "what are you learning?" She looked right at me, touched her screen and the mechanical, computerized voice quipped "STOP SLOBBERING" We all cracked up and she just threw her head back laughing.
Keri laughs a lot. That's the thing we could understand about the Terri Schiavo case, that just didn't come through in the news. The thing that made it so sad. They were judging everything on who she had been. We know by experience, that Keri, although still confined to a wheelchair and is difficult to understand, loves her life. I remember watching her, interacting with her, thinking..."God is so amazing...there is something about the human make-up that will adjust and allow contentment in the most extreme things." While no one would specifically ask to be in such a state, we have an incredible desire to live...with anything." I think it's love. Suddenly, things get way less complicated and it seems, in Keri's case, at least that the joy of the simple things sustains. She brings as much joy to all of us close to her. I believe God teaches love at it's deepest level when we are able to serve one another in our need. There are gentle intimacies and tenderness we could not experience any other way. What if we were all strong and all our needs were met? We think THAT would make us happy, but, I don't know....I fear that would make us all so self-consumed, I'm thinking we'd be unfit to be around.
That's what I found so heartbreaking & disturbing about the Schiavo case. The mom clearly knew the "new Terri" in all her simple need. She had the motherly instinct to care for her, protect her at her weakest but...was legally banned from it. By court order, she could not even so much as put an ice chip on her daughter's lips as they dried from lack of hydration. You know, in a normal hospice situation, they would never keep water and hydration from a person, it's way too uncomfortable and it would not prevent the death, because they were really dying. In this case, the lack of water was the 'cause of death.' It's still unbelievable to me that this could happen.
That whole thing just makes everyone in the family appreciate Keri all the more. Oh..I know there will always be those who look at her, as they did Terri Schiavo and say..."Sheesh, I wouldn't want to live like that." But...unless you've been there, you just don't know...you just don't know.
Anyway, I hope both of you...(that is how many of you read this, isn't it??) Hi JOJO! have a great weekend!
I know you've noticed on my profile, one of the blogs is "the starving of Terri Schiavo" This tragic situation brought back vivid memories of what we went through with Keri. In fact, those videos we saw all over TV? They looked EXACTLY like Keri in the early days of her illness. Worse than just the overall memories and video reminders was the horror of looking into Keri's face, and swearing we saw life...when all the experts swore it just wasn't there...that her responses and eye contact were all merely reflexes. I'm telling you, when I heard that Dr. death, who sealed Terri's death warrant, spew his propaganda that her responses (we clearly saw) to her mother were no different than "fingernails growing" I felt like snatching him through that television screen...ripping out his heart...and ...(oops) Ok, in a "Christian" loving sort of way:):):)
Seriusly, the whole Terri Schiavo thing still haunts me, as we now know that all these leading neurologists and other so called "experts" in Keri's case were wrong and we DID see life, recognition and awareness. She WAS responding, in complete opposition to what we were being told. Keri was also feeling pain when we were told that she absolutely felt nothing. How do we know???? Keri "told" us. How? #1, Keri didn't have a husband bent on killing her and #2, she had parents who fought relentlessly for their daughter, despite what "experts" were telling them. AND...despite the humiliating, condescending attitude of SOME (not ALL) med professionals who said things to my sister like "we're worried about you" "you're being selfish" "let her go" "you're in DENIAL"...and one who actually slammed his fist on the table to Dee's request that he might try something else. "You're going to have to face it!!! Your daughter came here to die!!" He yelled.
So what happened? Well, this is a really short version, but, after winning a court order to have her seen by a doctor,3 states away, willing to re evaluate her, she was taken...stiff and in the fetal position, by ambulance. Upon re evaluation, she was taken off steroids completely, re treated for LYME's Disease and began to respond. Of course it's been a very, very long road to the point she's at now. At first she "spoke" through a computer. But...even though she could only make noises at that time, I was astounded how much of Keri was in there...when I asked her about her treatments and asked "what are you learning?" She looked right at me, touched her screen and the mechanical, computerized voice quipped "STOP SLOBBERING" We all cracked up and she just threw her head back laughing.
Keri laughs a lot. That's the thing we could understand about the Terri Schiavo case, that just didn't come through in the news. The thing that made it so sad. They were judging everything on who she had been. We know by experience, that Keri, although still confined to a wheelchair and is difficult to understand, loves her life. I remember watching her, interacting with her, thinking..."God is so amazing...there is something about the human make-up that will adjust and allow contentment in the most extreme things." While no one would specifically ask to be in such a state, we have an incredible desire to live...with anything." I think it's love. Suddenly, things get way less complicated and it seems, in Keri's case, at least that the joy of the simple things sustains. She brings as much joy to all of us close to her. I believe God teaches love at it's deepest level when we are able to serve one another in our need. There are gentle intimacies and tenderness we could not experience any other way. What if we were all strong and all our needs were met? We think THAT would make us happy, but, I don't know....I fear that would make us all so self-consumed, I'm thinking we'd be unfit to be around.
That's what I found so heartbreaking & disturbing about the Schiavo case. The mom clearly knew the "new Terri" in all her simple need. She had the motherly instinct to care for her, protect her at her weakest but...was legally banned from it. By court order, she could not even so much as put an ice chip on her daughter's lips as they dried from lack of hydration. You know, in a normal hospice situation, they would never keep water and hydration from a person, it's way too uncomfortable and it would not prevent the death, because they were really dying. In this case, the lack of water was the 'cause of death.' It's still unbelievable to me that this could happen.
That whole thing just makes everyone in the family appreciate Keri all the more. Oh..I know there will always be those who look at her, as they did Terri Schiavo and say..."Sheesh, I wouldn't want to live like that." But...unless you've been there, you just don't know...you just don't know.
Anyway, I hope both of you...(that is how many of you read this, isn't it??) Hi JOJO! have a great weekend!
Tuesday, June 07, 2005
Couple of things!
Thought I was over all the 'addictions' in my life, but...think I can now add 'blogging' to the list. Does anyone else have this problem? Keep thinking "Sheesh, where does all my time go?" Then I wonder (only for a second) if I wouldn't be a lot more productive without spending so much time on this computer? Honestly, even if I can't put two thoughts together for my own post...it's hard to believe how time flies while reading others. Maybe it's the same thing that attracts us to 'reality TV - It's like "reality-computer" or something.
Today my problem isn't what to write, it's too much to write, so I'll try to "focus." Something I'm not good at and getting worse with age:) Or maybe it's this so-called Fibro-my-foot, sorry...myalgia...if I believed that stuff...anyway, I'd really like some input on a couple things;
#1 I'm waiting to go back to the doctor with my middle son. He's 23, been sick most of his life. Not serious, deadly sick, but..ear infections. Respiratory stuff, sinus infections, just all over flu-like things. I've been sick a lot too, since Hepatitus C...Interferon injection treatments, so out of sheer desperation, and tons of doctors who prescribe mega antibiotics, anti-depressants, anti-anxiety, anti-siezure, arthritis, steroids & pain meds...just all kinds of hit or miss 'try this" try that, etc, etc, etc, So...we tried diet...which does sort of make you feel better, but...it's depressing to think of never being able to eat bread or yeast/gluten products or taste another thing with sugar in it. Read the backs of everything...what doesn't have some of that stuff in it?
Anyway...a friend has been telling me about this doctor that does accupuncture treatments for allergies. It's GUARANTEED to "pinpoint" (no pun intended) your allergies and rid your body of them. We like to say round here that some things "sound the KA-KA alert!" This seemed like one of those things. BUT...my poor kid has suffered so often and so badly with ear aches, swolen sinuses and all over flu-like achiness (he's had tubes in his ears 3 X and he's lived on antibiotics all of his life, which seem to be absolutely worthless) that today, we sucked it up and went to see this doctor. She tested him (by this computer-machine) and he's very, very allergic to molds and GLUTEN...we had to come home, gather samples of things he's eating containing wheat, gluten, etc. and she's going to give him his first treatment this evening. SO...we'll see.
Ok, we went and not only has he been questioning himself on being desperate enough to go with these 'strange' treatments, but THEN poor thing had to explain it to the rest of the family. Everybody is so sceptical, they're not making it easy. Guess only time will tell. Meanwhile, next treatment is on Thursday.
Anyway...thing number two will have to wait...can't keep my eyes open...and spent way too much time reading how many "naughty's" were sent to "time-out" on another blog. I'm not going to go there tomorrow, I'm not going to go there tomorrow....I'm not...
Today my problem isn't what to write, it's too much to write, so I'll try to "focus." Something I'm not good at and getting worse with age:) Or maybe it's this so-called Fibro-my-foot, sorry...myalgia...if I believed that stuff...anyway, I'd really like some input on a couple things;
#1 I'm waiting to go back to the doctor with my middle son. He's 23, been sick most of his life. Not serious, deadly sick, but..ear infections. Respiratory stuff, sinus infections, just all over flu-like things. I've been sick a lot too, since Hepatitus C...Interferon injection treatments, so out of sheer desperation, and tons of doctors who prescribe mega antibiotics, anti-depressants, anti-anxiety, anti-siezure, arthritis, steroids & pain meds...just all kinds of hit or miss 'try this" try that, etc, etc, etc, So...we tried diet...which does sort of make you feel better, but...it's depressing to think of never being able to eat bread or yeast/gluten products or taste another thing with sugar in it. Read the backs of everything...what doesn't have some of that stuff in it?
Anyway...a friend has been telling me about this doctor that does accupuncture treatments for allergies. It's GUARANTEED to "pinpoint" (no pun intended) your allergies and rid your body of them. We like to say round here that some things "sound the KA-KA alert!" This seemed like one of those things. BUT...my poor kid has suffered so often and so badly with ear aches, swolen sinuses and all over flu-like achiness (he's had tubes in his ears 3 X and he's lived on antibiotics all of his life, which seem to be absolutely worthless) that today, we sucked it up and went to see this doctor. She tested him (by this computer-machine) and he's very, very allergic to molds and GLUTEN...we had to come home, gather samples of things he's eating containing wheat, gluten, etc. and she's going to give him his first treatment this evening. SO...we'll see.
Ok, we went and not only has he been questioning himself on being desperate enough to go with these 'strange' treatments, but THEN poor thing had to explain it to the rest of the family. Everybody is so sceptical, they're not making it easy. Guess only time will tell. Meanwhile, next treatment is on Thursday.
Anyway...thing number two will have to wait...can't keep my eyes open...and spent way too much time reading how many "naughty's" were sent to "time-out" on another blog. I'm not going to go there tomorrow, I'm not going to go there tomorrow....I'm not...
Saturday, June 04, 2005
Another Rainy day in Virginia
Singing at a graduation ceremony today...outside. The weather is nasty and my throat hurts. Does it sound like I'm whining? I am. Looking forward to tomorrow, Joseph is speaking at church. This is the guy I talked about in another post. "Real Christianity" Also tomorrow is my first day at going into "medical" at the jail. Not really sure what to expect, but heard that some of the inmates in "medical" are there for mental health issues...even suicidal. Have to admit...feeling a little apprehensive...(but, also passionate)
We'll see how it goes. Post more later...
We'll see how it goes. Post more later...
Wednesday, June 01, 2005
Defined By Love
In an earlier post, "What's Your Story?" I was talking about the "stories" of our lives and how our life experiences not only form our opinions of the world around us, but wind up defining "who" we are. It's true; our self-concept is basically acquired during childhood. Children left alone, watching things, people and family become very self-focused. Without the truth or reality that we are part of something larger, we are consumed with our own thoughts, and thoughts focused solely on self will be destructive; I am worthless, useless and everything is MY fault. Some of us will be totally controlled by the opinions of others. Some of us will worship human approval - BUT...no matter how much we get, or how much we're loved by another person, it's never enough.
This is the truth in every human being; our thoughts precede and determine our behavior and our emotions. In other words, a person cannot truly change by simply altering their behavior. WE may DO things differently, but inside, we remain the same. You know what else determines our behavior? Our wants and desires. We learn very early what we want/desire and will DO what it takes to GET it. In that book, THE SACRED ROMANCE, (talked about it in the earlier post)John Eldridge, the author, challenges the reader that no matter how difficult or awful our past is, we can each find something that inspired or moved us. Something...a scene in a movie, the words of a song, the memory of a special person attracted us because of the built in craving to be loved, to be accepted. Built in because we're born with it. Created with it by God who is also the only One who can fill it.
It's true; our heart/soul/spirit was meant to focus solely on GOD, which brings complete peace, wholeness...satisfaction, etc. We, however, (even Christians) would rather focus on anything but. Even if we struggle through the more destructive wants and desires with more blatant consequences...we are constantly realizing new ones...that daggone need to be right, craving to be respected and approved of will creep up on the 'religious' of the religious. In fact, all this had an incredible impact on my relationship with my mom. Here I am a grown woman, able to speak to crowds, minister to other women... coming so far in healing and growing so strong in faith, yet one nasty word from my mother could set me back so far, so fast it could make my head swim. Then I'd beat myself up for striking back defensively. What a vicious cycle...til learning the root of it. The root being; the need for respect and approval from my mother was much stronger or more powerful than my need or focus on God.
What a breakthrough, before looking fully at the truth, I found that I'd do or say whatever it took to avoid confrontation with her. It became even easier to avoid her altogether. This is relationship based on a lie. Lies bind; truth frees! In John 8:32, Jesus says "Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free." This is the 'good news' of the gospel; Jesus said about himself that He was sent to "proclaim freedom for the prisoners and recovery of sight for the blind and to release the oppressed..." When I could truly confront myself with truth; my own obsession or insatiable desire to be loved (my way) by her, it was absolute freedom. I was able to finally face this relationship through the filter of God's love for both of us and see her as a fellow human being with her own struggles, fears and issues.
Anyway, back in the "Stories" post, I described a picture of myself, dressed for Halloween as Wilma Flintstone, puffing on a cigarette with a huge poster on the wall that read; "S$#t happens" a perfect illustration of one who found themselves defined by the messages of the world. I thought I had life all figured out and it was bleak.
BUT...I'm here to tell ya, I was wrong! Life is not a random set of circumstances. S#$T doesn't just happen! I was looking for hope in everything but God, but everything else dissapoints. Every detail, every experience of life is orchestrated. The God who made us directs and guides, leading eventually to the place where where our faith will rest totally in Him. Yet, this picture of "Wilma" was a person who'd come many times to that place of dissapointment, hopelessness, and despair and instead of calling out to the One who says "Come to me all you who are burdened and I will give you rest"...to the One who offered life to the full, who offered a hope and a future" Instead...I'd pick myself up, dust myself off and vow...NEVER to be hurt again...each time shutting off my heart a little more...
How bout you? When you really think about it, how do you define yourself? By the messages of your experiences with others, the hurt, the anger, the disappointment? As Christians, we cross this invisible but powerful line that says we're to be defined by the truth; That truth will set you free. What is truth? It's found in the love letter to you, written by the One who made you..."You are precious in my sight" "I have loved you with an everlasting love" "I knew you before you were formed" The most freeing truth? You're forgiven and you can start brand new. There's nothing like it, no other religion offers such an incredible gift. I have a friend who insists that SHE can't be forgiven. "God so loved THE WORLD that He gave His only begotten Son..." you know the rest. That's HUGE...yet, my friend says SHE can't be forgiven. What she's really saying is that she's taken a look at what she percieves as "church people" and she can't be like them or accepted by them. I know, I had that same hopeless perception. BUT...I was excited to find that Christianity was not Potlucks, Sunday socials, political opinions and fundraisers...It's life or death. We're called to hope in an "unseen" world that's bigger and more impacting than the world we CAN see. We're invited to know the "unknowable". You cannot look at "The Cross" and deny that you are loved fiercely by God, no matter what your story.
This is the truth in every human being; our thoughts precede and determine our behavior and our emotions. In other words, a person cannot truly change by simply altering their behavior. WE may DO things differently, but inside, we remain the same. You know what else determines our behavior? Our wants and desires. We learn very early what we want/desire and will DO what it takes to GET it. In that book, THE SACRED ROMANCE, (talked about it in the earlier post)John Eldridge, the author, challenges the reader that no matter how difficult or awful our past is, we can each find something that inspired or moved us. Something...a scene in a movie, the words of a song, the memory of a special person attracted us because of the built in craving to be loved, to be accepted. Built in because we're born with it. Created with it by God who is also the only One who can fill it.
It's true; our heart/soul/spirit was meant to focus solely on GOD, which brings complete peace, wholeness...satisfaction, etc. We, however, (even Christians) would rather focus on anything but. Even if we struggle through the more destructive wants and desires with more blatant consequences...we are constantly realizing new ones...that daggone need to be right, craving to be respected and approved of will creep up on the 'religious' of the religious. In fact, all this had an incredible impact on my relationship with my mom. Here I am a grown woman, able to speak to crowds, minister to other women... coming so far in healing and growing so strong in faith, yet one nasty word from my mother could set me back so far, so fast it could make my head swim. Then I'd beat myself up for striking back defensively. What a vicious cycle...til learning the root of it. The root being; the need for respect and approval from my mother was much stronger or more powerful than my need or focus on God.
What a breakthrough, before looking fully at the truth, I found that I'd do or say whatever it took to avoid confrontation with her. It became even easier to avoid her altogether. This is relationship based on a lie. Lies bind; truth frees! In John 8:32, Jesus says "Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free." This is the 'good news' of the gospel; Jesus said about himself that He was sent to "proclaim freedom for the prisoners and recovery of sight for the blind and to release the oppressed..." When I could truly confront myself with truth; my own obsession or insatiable desire to be loved (my way) by her, it was absolute freedom. I was able to finally face this relationship through the filter of God's love for both of us and see her as a fellow human being with her own struggles, fears and issues.
Anyway, back in the "Stories" post, I described a picture of myself, dressed for Halloween as Wilma Flintstone, puffing on a cigarette with a huge poster on the wall that read; "S$#t happens" a perfect illustration of one who found themselves defined by the messages of the world. I thought I had life all figured out and it was bleak.
BUT...I'm here to tell ya, I was wrong! Life is not a random set of circumstances. S#$T doesn't just happen! I was looking for hope in everything but God, but everything else dissapoints. Every detail, every experience of life is orchestrated. The God who made us directs and guides, leading eventually to the place where where our faith will rest totally in Him. Yet, this picture of "Wilma" was a person who'd come many times to that place of dissapointment, hopelessness, and despair and instead of calling out to the One who says "Come to me all you who are burdened and I will give you rest"...to the One who offered life to the full, who offered a hope and a future" Instead...I'd pick myself up, dust myself off and vow...NEVER to be hurt again...each time shutting off my heart a little more...
How bout you? When you really think about it, how do you define yourself? By the messages of your experiences with others, the hurt, the anger, the disappointment? As Christians, we cross this invisible but powerful line that says we're to be defined by the truth; That truth will set you free. What is truth? It's found in the love letter to you, written by the One who made you..."You are precious in my sight" "I have loved you with an everlasting love" "I knew you before you were formed" The most freeing truth? You're forgiven and you can start brand new. There's nothing like it, no other religion offers such an incredible gift. I have a friend who insists that SHE can't be forgiven. "God so loved THE WORLD that He gave His only begotten Son..." you know the rest. That's HUGE...yet, my friend says SHE can't be forgiven. What she's really saying is that she's taken a look at what she percieves as "church people" and she can't be like them or accepted by them. I know, I had that same hopeless perception. BUT...I was excited to find that Christianity was not Potlucks, Sunday socials, political opinions and fundraisers...It's life or death. We're called to hope in an "unseen" world that's bigger and more impacting than the world we CAN see. We're invited to know the "unknowable". You cannot look at "The Cross" and deny that you are loved fiercely by God, no matter what your story.
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