Sunday, December 06, 2009
Monday, August 10, 2009
You can be good without God
There's evidently a transit campaign to put this saying on buses in Indiana. There's also evidently some movement to stop it from happening. In the midst of the controversy, I heard a pastor's argument against it saying he felt it was "the left" trying to push God out of the something, the country, the government, the schools and even the mass transit system, evidently.
The fact is however, you CAN be good without God. Of course, every person has there own idea of what "good" is. Whether you adhere to a faith or not, there seems a moral standard to which we hold everyone else. My thought on it is this, though; you don't need God to be "good!" Everyone can be good according to somebody's standard even if it's only our own. You do however, need him to breathe and to say the words to declare that you don't need Him to be good.
Thursday, April 09, 2009
An Easter Story
Alexander’s Song
Psalm 84 “Blessed is the man whose strength is in You, in whose heart are the highways to Zion. Passing through the valley of weeping, they make it a place of springs; the early rain also fills it with blessings. They go from strength (increasing in victorious power) til each of them appears before God in Zion.”
Psalm 84 speaks volumes on the journey of this Christian life. Each circumstance and experience of life move us forward, unveiling a new and more powerful understanding of Who Jesus Christ is and Who we are. In other words, the psalmist is talking about those “hallmarks” of our faith, which is almost always something you’d never want to go through again. Yet as you stand on the other side, realizing without a doubt that the very thing you thought would kill you has now left you profoundly changed and more aware of the reality of God’s faithfulness and His intimate, life giving and unconditional love.
Vs 11 says “the Lord God is a Sun and Shield; the Lord bestows grace and favor and glory! No good thing will He withhold from those who walk uprightly.”
If you’ve been a believer for any length of time, you’ve probably begun to figure out that the “good” that God “doesn’t withhold” from those who trust in Christ is altogether different than our idea of “good.” And like me, you’ve probably learned much of this the hard way. Easter will forever remind of one of those times.
I’d written a play based on the song “Watch the Lamb.” In it, a young boy named Alexander has just come of age to join his dad and brother in their journey to Jerusalem for Passover. He should be excited, but there’s a huge problem. His family had always presented a lamb for the annual Passover Feast, but now…things were personal. The lamb they will be sacrificing is Alexander’s pet, Isaac. He goes through an awful struggle. With the innocent reasoning of a child, he asks the hard questions; “if you own everything…and all the animals come from you anyway, then why my lamb? He is frustrated in his thinking that it all comes down to this; God must need my lamb to prove that I love Him. But doesn’t He know ALL things? “Why, then…” He prays in a song that I’d written specifically for this play. “Do you not already know that?”
Meanwhile, just before rehearsals for the play had begun, something was happening in my own life that had me feeling much like little Alexander. Have you ever had one of those phone calls delivering news that absolutely brings life as you’ve known it to a crashing halt? No need to bore you with details, but let me just say that this news caved in my nice neat little world and I immediately turned to every resource I could think of to “fix” this crisis. Phone calls, trips out of state, legal agencies, letters, begging, crying, groveling shamelessly; then of course, pleading for the prayers of everyone and anyone who’d listen. No one seemed to understand my desperation. “Please,” I cried “Pray for me.” But what was I really asking? Please tell God to make this situation turn out the way I want it to!” I was so sure that enough prayers would make God see this thing my way and everything would come out for “the good” my idea of good.
With Easter only a few weeks away, we prepared for our performance. The little boy rehearsed his song again and again. He was begging for his lamb, I was begging for my own little lamb. A line in the chorus echoed through the auditorium; “Would You give up what You love the most to show that You love me?” Everything was comfortable and life was not in crisis mode when I’d written those words. It was easy to want to show others in song how profound the answer to that question. Yes, of course You would, wouldn’t You God? In fact You did! You gave up Your Son! The Son You adore. To show us that You loved us. When I wrote it, I believed with my whole heart that as human beings it’s really all we need, a powerful recognition of how very much we’re loved. What a clever way to illustrate a profound truth, hopefully the audience would see it. But, now it was personal…and very, very painful. Would I see it myself?
At first, there was confidence – faith – that this thing was going to go the way I wanted it to. After all, don’t “All things work together for the good of those who love the Lord?” Clinging to that promise, I just waited for the miracle. My miraculous “yes” from God! However, it soon became sickeningly clear that things were not going to go my way. Just like little Alexander, I’d begged and pleaded for my own little lamb and couldn’t quite reconcile the fact that One Who loved me and owned all things and could do all things would allow something so painful to come into my life. After all, my only desire was to serve Him, so why would He want me to suffer? My neat little Christian world with its human perceptions of love were about to be smashed to pieces.
I’d written words that I hoped and prayed would illustrate a truth about God that I said I believed. The real, life-giving knowledge in the very depths of our heart and soul and mind that we’re unconditionally loved and that is all a human being needs. Period! Jesus and nothing else! Nothing! Nothing! Nothing! Yet, I was holding God Almighty, the Creator up to my old perceptions of love…a very conditional perception of love. What is a conditional perception of love? I could only feel loved only when things are right and comfortable. I could only feel “blessed” when things were smooth and going well.
Hurt can distort and confuse to the degree that you don’t see the hypocrisy, at least not at first. Actually, without the Holy Spirit, we’d never see it. Some of us will still refuse to see it, and go down kicking and screaming and manipulating, but some of us will not only see it, but right there begins a pivotal and crucial point of our relationship with God. Its here we begin to see what our Father already knows about us. Something we would be shocked to discover; there’s a new level of love and trust that hadn’t even begun to develop. The pain of this situation was so great that not another human being with all their well-meaning advice could make go away and I began to tire of trying to get them to understand. Frustrated at some who even seemed indifferent in my agony, only brought me to a fresh realization there was no one who could help me. No one could ease this pain. After exhausting every resource I could think of; I had to concede that I was helpless. Helpless and so tired. “Good,” I could almost hear God say. “Come to me” rest your weary head. It is I, alone Who gives you rest. You’ll find it no where else! No where!
The little boy sang the song and reasoned with God for his lamb, I was left with only a whimper for mine. Of course, in the end Alexander didn’t have to sacrifice Isaac, because God had provided His own Lamb. THE LAMB.
The LAMB, Who came from God, Who was God, took on a human body (flesh) with all its limitations. The Creator came inside His own creation and He KNOWS! He knows hunger, thirst, exhaustion, betrayal, loneliness, abandonment, and fear. He knows anxiety and the struggle of facing the horror and pain of what humanity could and would do to Him. In a few of the gospels account of that struggle it says that He despaired to the point of death with the stress of this agonizing choice producing “drops of blood that fell in clots to the ground” Why did He have to suffer like that? Experiencing every single thing a human being experiences, we have One Who is not unfamiliar with suffering, and yet chose freely within the suffering to believe that God is good and He loves…even if everything around Him is screaming “it’s a LIE!”
The first man made a deliberate choice of his own free will for all of mankind; that we would be independent of God. Only it was a delusion…a LIE. For there is no other life outside the very source of life. This MAN, the LAMB OF GOD made a deliberate choice of His own free will as well…for all of mankind. From inside the delusion, He took the most horrific things humanity could dish out, even death…death on a cross (a death assigned to criminals) He experienced death, to join us back to life. Death wasn’t God’s punishment because we ate an apple. Death is a natural consequence of walking away from Life.
Jeremiah 31 is one of many, many prophecies foretelling of what God would do through Jesus. In that day, I will put My Law within them, and on their hearts will I write it; and I will be their God and they will be My people. …For I will forgive their iniquity and I will seriously remember their sin no more.
He’s done it! By His stripes we are healed and made whole! There’s nothing we can do but say “thank you” and realize we’ve been trusting in so many other things…another person, our own “rightness”…even our own independence and demands to have life go our way. God will never let you go and holds us up and loves us as we come to an exhaustive end of putting our trust in anything or anyone else. He wants us free!
It doesn’t make sense in human logic and like Alexander’s song, we say it’s just not fair! We ask “why?” We drown in self-pity and question what we did to deserve this punishment. Can we manipulate and force and demand our own way? Sure we can and we do. Do we grab at the familiar, the tangible, the things we can see and touch to ease the pain of life? Of course we do, because we’ve tried them and they bring a sense of comfort…for a little while. But in the end, they don’t work! Because there is nothing else! Really, no one else!
I’d been taught that in my head. I could even teach it as a principle, which is what I wanted to do through that song. But, really all that we learn is simply head knowledge…until God, through the Holy Spirit reveals it in experience and that which was in only our head begins to penetrate the deep places of the heart. That’s where the rubber meets the road. We suffer, our world crashes in and yet, we are victorious and understand that in Christ, we have great joy right in the middle of the sorrow of life. We experience peace in the midst of chaos. What happened in my life that Easter was one of the most difficult things I have ever faced. Yet, I wouldn’t trade it, for in it there is unchanging life-giving truth. “There is None in Heaven but YOU, Lord. Whom have I on earth but YOU?”
May this Easter not be simply a “religious” holiday, but a celebration of new life in the death and resurrection of the Messiah, our precious God in the flesh. We who live on this side of the cross have assurance of God’s intentions toward us. It is LOVE. That is the answer to Alexander’s question; “Would You give up what You love the most, to show that You love me?” In Christ, God’s answer is “Yes!Yes! Yes!” For as many as the promises of God, they all find their yes in Christ.
Amen
Psalm 84 “Blessed is the man whose strength is in You, in whose heart are the highways to Zion. Passing through the valley of weeping, they make it a place of springs; the early rain also fills it with blessings. They go from strength (increasing in victorious power) til each of them appears before God in Zion.”
Psalm 84 speaks volumes on the journey of this Christian life. Each circumstance and experience of life move us forward, unveiling a new and more powerful understanding of Who Jesus Christ is and Who we are. In other words, the psalmist is talking about those “hallmarks” of our faith, which is almost always something you’d never want to go through again. Yet as you stand on the other side, realizing without a doubt that the very thing you thought would kill you has now left you profoundly changed and more aware of the reality of God’s faithfulness and His intimate, life giving and unconditional love.
Vs 11 says “the Lord God is a Sun and Shield; the Lord bestows grace and favor and glory! No good thing will He withhold from those who walk uprightly.”
If you’ve been a believer for any length of time, you’ve probably begun to figure out that the “good” that God “doesn’t withhold” from those who trust in Christ is altogether different than our idea of “good.” And like me, you’ve probably learned much of this the hard way. Easter will forever remind of one of those times.
I’d written a play based on the song “Watch the Lamb.” In it, a young boy named Alexander has just come of age to join his dad and brother in their journey to Jerusalem for Passover. He should be excited, but there’s a huge problem. His family had always presented a lamb for the annual Passover Feast, but now…things were personal. The lamb they will be sacrificing is Alexander’s pet, Isaac. He goes through an awful struggle. With the innocent reasoning of a child, he asks the hard questions; “if you own everything…and all the animals come from you anyway, then why my lamb? He is frustrated in his thinking that it all comes down to this; God must need my lamb to prove that I love Him. But doesn’t He know ALL things? “Why, then…” He prays in a song that I’d written specifically for this play. “Do you not already know that?”
Meanwhile, just before rehearsals for the play had begun, something was happening in my own life that had me feeling much like little Alexander. Have you ever had one of those phone calls delivering news that absolutely brings life as you’ve known it to a crashing halt? No need to bore you with details, but let me just say that this news caved in my nice neat little world and I immediately turned to every resource I could think of to “fix” this crisis. Phone calls, trips out of state, legal agencies, letters, begging, crying, groveling shamelessly; then of course, pleading for the prayers of everyone and anyone who’d listen. No one seemed to understand my desperation. “Please,” I cried “Pray for me.” But what was I really asking? Please tell God to make this situation turn out the way I want it to!” I was so sure that enough prayers would make God see this thing my way and everything would come out for “the good” my idea of good.
With Easter only a few weeks away, we prepared for our performance. The little boy rehearsed his song again and again. He was begging for his lamb, I was begging for my own little lamb. A line in the chorus echoed through the auditorium; “Would You give up what You love the most to show that You love me?” Everything was comfortable and life was not in crisis mode when I’d written those words. It was easy to want to show others in song how profound the answer to that question. Yes, of course You would, wouldn’t You God? In fact You did! You gave up Your Son! The Son You adore. To show us that You loved us. When I wrote it, I believed with my whole heart that as human beings it’s really all we need, a powerful recognition of how very much we’re loved. What a clever way to illustrate a profound truth, hopefully the audience would see it. But, now it was personal…and very, very painful. Would I see it myself?
At first, there was confidence – faith – that this thing was going to go the way I wanted it to. After all, don’t “All things work together for the good of those who love the Lord?” Clinging to that promise, I just waited for the miracle. My miraculous “yes” from God! However, it soon became sickeningly clear that things were not going to go my way. Just like little Alexander, I’d begged and pleaded for my own little lamb and couldn’t quite reconcile the fact that One Who loved me and owned all things and could do all things would allow something so painful to come into my life. After all, my only desire was to serve Him, so why would He want me to suffer? My neat little Christian world with its human perceptions of love were about to be smashed to pieces.
I’d written words that I hoped and prayed would illustrate a truth about God that I said I believed. The real, life-giving knowledge in the very depths of our heart and soul and mind that we’re unconditionally loved and that is all a human being needs. Period! Jesus and nothing else! Nothing! Nothing! Nothing! Yet, I was holding God Almighty, the Creator up to my old perceptions of love…a very conditional perception of love. What is a conditional perception of love? I could only feel loved only when things are right and comfortable. I could only feel “blessed” when things were smooth and going well.
Hurt can distort and confuse to the degree that you don’t see the hypocrisy, at least not at first. Actually, without the Holy Spirit, we’d never see it. Some of us will still refuse to see it, and go down kicking and screaming and manipulating, but some of us will not only see it, but right there begins a pivotal and crucial point of our relationship with God. Its here we begin to see what our Father already knows about us. Something we would be shocked to discover; there’s a new level of love and trust that hadn’t even begun to develop. The pain of this situation was so great that not another human being with all their well-meaning advice could make go away and I began to tire of trying to get them to understand. Frustrated at some who even seemed indifferent in my agony, only brought me to a fresh realization there was no one who could help me. No one could ease this pain. After exhausting every resource I could think of; I had to concede that I was helpless. Helpless and so tired. “Good,” I could almost hear God say. “Come to me” rest your weary head. It is I, alone Who gives you rest. You’ll find it no where else! No where!
The little boy sang the song and reasoned with God for his lamb, I was left with only a whimper for mine. Of course, in the end Alexander didn’t have to sacrifice Isaac, because God had provided His own Lamb. THE LAMB.
The LAMB, Who came from God, Who was God, took on a human body (flesh) with all its limitations. The Creator came inside His own creation and He KNOWS! He knows hunger, thirst, exhaustion, betrayal, loneliness, abandonment, and fear. He knows anxiety and the struggle of facing the horror and pain of what humanity could and would do to Him. In a few of the gospels account of that struggle it says that He despaired to the point of death with the stress of this agonizing choice producing “drops of blood that fell in clots to the ground” Why did He have to suffer like that? Experiencing every single thing a human being experiences, we have One Who is not unfamiliar with suffering, and yet chose freely within the suffering to believe that God is good and He loves…even if everything around Him is screaming “it’s a LIE!”
The first man made a deliberate choice of his own free will for all of mankind; that we would be independent of God. Only it was a delusion…a LIE. For there is no other life outside the very source of life. This MAN, the LAMB OF GOD made a deliberate choice of His own free will as well…for all of mankind. From inside the delusion, He took the most horrific things humanity could dish out, even death…death on a cross (a death assigned to criminals) He experienced death, to join us back to life. Death wasn’t God’s punishment because we ate an apple. Death is a natural consequence of walking away from Life.
Jeremiah 31 is one of many, many prophecies foretelling of what God would do through Jesus. In that day, I will put My Law within them, and on their hearts will I write it; and I will be their God and they will be My people. …For I will forgive their iniquity and I will seriously remember their sin no more.
He’s done it! By His stripes we are healed and made whole! There’s nothing we can do but say “thank you” and realize we’ve been trusting in so many other things…another person, our own “rightness”…even our own independence and demands to have life go our way. God will never let you go and holds us up and loves us as we come to an exhaustive end of putting our trust in anything or anyone else. He wants us free!
It doesn’t make sense in human logic and like Alexander’s song, we say it’s just not fair! We ask “why?” We drown in self-pity and question what we did to deserve this punishment. Can we manipulate and force and demand our own way? Sure we can and we do. Do we grab at the familiar, the tangible, the things we can see and touch to ease the pain of life? Of course we do, because we’ve tried them and they bring a sense of comfort…for a little while. But in the end, they don’t work! Because there is nothing else! Really, no one else!
I’d been taught that in my head. I could even teach it as a principle, which is what I wanted to do through that song. But, really all that we learn is simply head knowledge…until God, through the Holy Spirit reveals it in experience and that which was in only our head begins to penetrate the deep places of the heart. That’s where the rubber meets the road. We suffer, our world crashes in and yet, we are victorious and understand that in Christ, we have great joy right in the middle of the sorrow of life. We experience peace in the midst of chaos. What happened in my life that Easter was one of the most difficult things I have ever faced. Yet, I wouldn’t trade it, for in it there is unchanging life-giving truth. “There is None in Heaven but YOU, Lord. Whom have I on earth but YOU?”
May this Easter not be simply a “religious” holiday, but a celebration of new life in the death and resurrection of the Messiah, our precious God in the flesh. We who live on this side of the cross have assurance of God’s intentions toward us. It is LOVE. That is the answer to Alexander’s question; “Would You give up what You love the most, to show that You love me?” In Christ, God’s answer is “Yes!Yes! Yes!” For as many as the promises of God, they all find their yes in Christ.
Amen
Tuesday, April 07, 2009
Naked & Unashamed!
Our pastor has a theme for this year and it’s this; will you let go? Will you really let go of all those things that keep you all tangled up in guilt, shame, fear, doubt? Let go from those things that keep you from embracing true freedom and peace and embrace the truth that you are passionately and unconditionally known and loved? Ahhh…doesn’t that sound wonderful? Now how in the world do we begin? How do we really let go of old perceptions, behaviors and systems of thought embedded so deeply, we have no idea they exist. No matter how you look at it…or how much you know and how desperately you want it, it’s not easy. The Bible says “…the truth will set you free,” however there is only one truth; God joining his own creation and taking their judgment upon Himself, in the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ. That is truth! And an incredible truth it is! In that one event is wrapped up the answer to the longing in every single human heart desperate to know they matter, they have value, are fiercely loved and that life ultimately has meaning. Unfortunately, even as we, who believe this with all our hearts, and know that we know we’ve been given that new life which only comes through Jesus Christ; we also bring along some deeply rooted perceptions of God, our selves, others and the world around us that are, well…not true at all. You know that’s true! How many of us look back on early Christian years and think “I can’t believe I did this or thought that?” only to realize at this point, our ideas about Christianity were much different than we once thought. As life, in its sudden twists and unexpected turns happens, we’re left reeling in amazement that God is much bigger, wiser, and more inconceivable than we’d ever settled for in our shockingly limited human thinking. Not only though, are our silly preconceptions of Almighty God all upside down, but just when we confidently think we’ve got our self or anything for that matter, figured out…we don’t! In fact, the circumstances of life sometimes crash in like a tsunami, and only living life, facing those circumstances, feeling their pain, sometimes failing, and yes, even at times falling into the pit of despair do we ever break free from our old misconceptions about God and our self. Some of us have discovered in our most agonizing moments the real truth; that we weren’t responding from truth at all, but our own perceptions of it.
Are you confused? Let me explain from something personal, something that’s happened recently. Honestly, after uncurling from the fetal position, I’m just now peeking out from behind the wall I’ve been hiding. Why was I hiding? Long story short, determined to help out (or possibly take over) in a financial crisis, I answered an ad in the paper for a job as a flight attendant for a small regional airline. After getting through the initial interview, the company provided 3 weeks of training in upstate NY. I traveled there, worked hard, passed the final, got my “wings,” and was shipped directly to begin my new career. However, before the third flight of my first day of on-the-job training, I decided it was not for me (that’s actually putting it mildly. I hated it) and asked to be let off when we landed in a city within a few hours of home. (No exaggeration!) It’s even flakier than I’ve revealed, but another time, another place. After a short-lived relief of being home with all the sights and sounds of Christmas, the realization of my anxiously and recklessly made decision began to set in. To my utter dismay, all the reality of the hopeless financial situation we were in even before I left flooded in. Talk about feeling like a dufus! So humiliated at my lame attempt to “save the family” from financial ruin with an important airline career and then my perceived utter failure that I wouldn’t answer any of the countless calls and emails of people who love me, care and sincerely wished me well. Instead of receiving the many, many offers of love and encouragement, it just seemed easier and maybe a bit more humanly natural to focus on character flaws pointed out “lovingly” along life’s journey. My tendency to be inconsistent, uncommitted and a bit compulsive was confirmed and echoed louder than any voice of unconditional love.
What makes it all worse is that I’ve created an entire website about coming clean! Nakedandunashamed.org is built on the most exciting News in the universe and boldly proclaims the one Truth that affects every single one of us; that in the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ, we’ve been forgiven and restored spiritually. We’re made whole and freed from living up to others expectations by the assurance that the ONE Who knows us better than we know our very selves says essentially; I know your thoughts before you even think them. I know your choices before you even choose them. In other words; I’ve seen you naked and there is no need to be ashamed! One look at the cross tells us His intentions towards us; we’re loved, we’ve been forgiven, there’s no need to hide! We’ve been bought with an inconceivable price that says to us, “You, child, are valuable!” I believe wholeheartedly that this is the absolute truth and have even learned to some degree to react and respond from the core of that truth…when all is well. However, I hate being naked…or vulnerable, when I’ve made a flaky choice and fall flat on my face; short of my own expectations of what a “Christian” is supposed to be like.
Ok, so you can’t hide forever, hopefully, at some point you have to think it through…and not according to your own perceptions and ideas…but according to The Truth! Don’t you think that’s what God intends all along?? For you to think it through and perhaps come to a different conclusion than you once settled for? This is huge because when we get to the “bottom” or “let go” of anything and stop trying to manipulate God to change this circumstance, that situation or see it our way…we begin to see it His way; the real way; in the truth; that we’re not on some journey to super human moral spiritual perfection, but instead to another level of child-like trust in the One Who is never compulsive and always consistent and even when we fail, we CANNOT disappoint HIM because He’s outside of time. I can’t say I understand what that means, except if One is outside of time, then He knows everything I will do or am capable of doing before He gave me His gift of new Life…HIS Life…and He gave it anyway.
I tell you, I’ve read 2Cor 4:16-18 so many times, and each time it becomes deeper…and less in the “spiritual clouds” if you know what I mean. We’re so ingrained with inherited expectations, thoughts, behaviors and perceptions, muddled with a million ‘experts’ and changing standards of what a Christian….or simply a human being on this planet is “supposed” to live like and be like, we can easily find ourselves very discouraged or even despairing in a second. You know what that verse tells me? It’s ok. It’s ok to be human. That’s why He came. God became “flesh” and in Him we have One Who knows what that feels like and says come here, come to me when you’re feeling frail and a disappointment, when the world is chasing you and seems to be closing in. Come here, here without the thousand other voices telling you about Me where you will find the burden lifted and peace beyond what makes any possible human sense. It’s hard for you to see, I know…but come to me when you need to know who you are rather than what you “should” be; Mine!
2Corinthians 4:15-18
“Therefore we do not become discouraged (utterly spiritless, exhausted, and wearied out through fear). Though our outer man is [progressively] decaying and wasting away, yet our inner self is being [progressively] renewed day after day. For our light, momentary affliction (this slight distress of the passing hour) is ever more and more abundantly preparing and producing and achieving for us an everlasting weight of glory [beyond all measure, excessively surpassing all comparisons and all calculations, a vast and transcendent glory and blessedness never to cease!], Since we consider and look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen; for the things that are visible are temporal (brief and fleeting), but the things that are invisible are deathless and everlasting.”
Are you confused? Let me explain from something personal, something that’s happened recently. Honestly, after uncurling from the fetal position, I’m just now peeking out from behind the wall I’ve been hiding. Why was I hiding? Long story short, determined to help out (or possibly take over) in a financial crisis, I answered an ad in the paper for a job as a flight attendant for a small regional airline. After getting through the initial interview, the company provided 3 weeks of training in upstate NY. I traveled there, worked hard, passed the final, got my “wings,” and was shipped directly to begin my new career. However, before the third flight of my first day of on-the-job training, I decided it was not for me (that’s actually putting it mildly. I hated it) and asked to be let off when we landed in a city within a few hours of home. (No exaggeration!) It’s even flakier than I’ve revealed, but another time, another place. After a short-lived relief of being home with all the sights and sounds of Christmas, the realization of my anxiously and recklessly made decision began to set in. To my utter dismay, all the reality of the hopeless financial situation we were in even before I left flooded in. Talk about feeling like a dufus! So humiliated at my lame attempt to “save the family” from financial ruin with an important airline career and then my perceived utter failure that I wouldn’t answer any of the countless calls and emails of people who love me, care and sincerely wished me well. Instead of receiving the many, many offers of love and encouragement, it just seemed easier and maybe a bit more humanly natural to focus on character flaws pointed out “lovingly” along life’s journey. My tendency to be inconsistent, uncommitted and a bit compulsive was confirmed and echoed louder than any voice of unconditional love.
What makes it all worse is that I’ve created an entire website about coming clean! Nakedandunashamed.org is built on the most exciting News in the universe and boldly proclaims the one Truth that affects every single one of us; that in the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ, we’ve been forgiven and restored spiritually. We’re made whole and freed from living up to others expectations by the assurance that the ONE Who knows us better than we know our very selves says essentially; I know your thoughts before you even think them. I know your choices before you even choose them. In other words; I’ve seen you naked and there is no need to be ashamed! One look at the cross tells us His intentions towards us; we’re loved, we’ve been forgiven, there’s no need to hide! We’ve been bought with an inconceivable price that says to us, “You, child, are valuable!” I believe wholeheartedly that this is the absolute truth and have even learned to some degree to react and respond from the core of that truth…when all is well. However, I hate being naked…or vulnerable, when I’ve made a flaky choice and fall flat on my face; short of my own expectations of what a “Christian” is supposed to be like.
Ok, so you can’t hide forever, hopefully, at some point you have to think it through…and not according to your own perceptions and ideas…but according to The Truth! Don’t you think that’s what God intends all along?? For you to think it through and perhaps come to a different conclusion than you once settled for? This is huge because when we get to the “bottom” or “let go” of anything and stop trying to manipulate God to change this circumstance, that situation or see it our way…we begin to see it His way; the real way; in the truth; that we’re not on some journey to super human moral spiritual perfection, but instead to another level of child-like trust in the One Who is never compulsive and always consistent and even when we fail, we CANNOT disappoint HIM because He’s outside of time. I can’t say I understand what that means, except if One is outside of time, then He knows everything I will do or am capable of doing before He gave me His gift of new Life…HIS Life…and He gave it anyway.
I tell you, I’ve read 2Cor 4:16-18 so many times, and each time it becomes deeper…and less in the “spiritual clouds” if you know what I mean. We’re so ingrained with inherited expectations, thoughts, behaviors and perceptions, muddled with a million ‘experts’ and changing standards of what a Christian….or simply a human being on this planet is “supposed” to live like and be like, we can easily find ourselves very discouraged or even despairing in a second. You know what that verse tells me? It’s ok. It’s ok to be human. That’s why He came. God became “flesh” and in Him we have One Who knows what that feels like and says come here, come to me when you’re feeling frail and a disappointment, when the world is chasing you and seems to be closing in. Come here, here without the thousand other voices telling you about Me where you will find the burden lifted and peace beyond what makes any possible human sense. It’s hard for you to see, I know…but come to me when you need to know who you are rather than what you “should” be; Mine!
2Corinthians 4:15-18
“Therefore we do not become discouraged (utterly spiritless, exhausted, and wearied out through fear). Though our outer man is [progressively] decaying and wasting away, yet our inner self is being [progressively] renewed day after day. For our light, momentary affliction (this slight distress of the passing hour) is ever more and more abundantly preparing and producing and achieving for us an everlasting weight of glory [beyond all measure, excessively surpassing all comparisons and all calculations, a vast and transcendent glory and blessedness never to cease!], Since we consider and look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen; for the things that are visible are temporal (brief and fleeting), but the things that are invisible are deathless and everlasting.”
Monday, April 07, 2008
Indescribable - Caleb's Response
We showed the DVD "Indescribable' below to my friend's son. I thought 7 year old Caleb's response was worth sharing. Hope you enjoy it as much as we did. As you can tell, he was pretty amazed, but I think he caught the awesomeness (?) of it.
Saturday, March 22, 2008
INDESCRIBABLE
Like I mentioned in the post below, seems these days my view of God and life, myself, others...everything has turned upside down. Check this video out, yours may just change as well. Our God, Who is LOVE, is beyond anything we can comprehend, understand or imagine. In fact, He's Indescribable.
Indescribable - Louis Giglio
Just thinking, and rethinking..
Indescribable - Louis Giglio
Just thinking, and rethinking..
Thursday, March 13, 2008
Because He Lives!
This is from worship practice the other night. Just trying out this cool little "flip" video recorder I just got. "Because He Lives" is a beautiful old hymn by the Gaithers. We don't play too many hymns for worship...mainly because most of us don't know them. I love the words in this one though, "because He lives, I can face tomorrow....and life is worth the living, just because He lives! And that....is the truth!
Wednesday, February 06, 2008
This is Love
Even though I recorded this song 5 years ago, it remains a favorite. This Is Love is such a reminder of the lengths to which God, Who is unfathomable and incomprehensible Love, was willing to go on our behalf. He loves us, without condition...He's shown His intentions toward us on the cross and we can rest in the fact that none of it depends on our behavior or feelings or circumstances...but on HIS faithfulness. 1John 4:10 "This is love; not that we loved God, but He first loved us..."
Tuesday, August 28, 2007
Tuesday, August 21, 2007
What in the World????
How in the world am ever going to talk Frank into going in the water with things like this lurking? I mean, this kind of creeps me out!!! Even creepier was at first I thought it was one of those "snakehead" fish that walk on land. But, it's not. "It's an alligator gar fish" At least that's what my neighbor said. And I'm pretty sure I heard him mutter "city girl" through a clench toothed smile.
Anyway, I don't think all the begging in the world is going to convince Frank to share the beauty of the beach with me. It's just not going to happen.
Friday, August 17, 2007
PSALM 23
Stumbled across this. I don't know..there's always something so much more precious about God's Word when it comes from a little kid. Enjoy!
Thursday, June 21, 2007
Thursday, June 14, 2007
Just Checking In
I just realized, it's been a whole year...exactly...since I last posted.
Life has changed so much in all this time, I hope to write about it later. Meanwhile, just want to stop and say hi.
Life has changed so much in all this time, I hope to write about it later. Meanwhile, just want to stop and say hi.
Wednesday, June 14, 2006
Going Back to Indiana
Guess what???? It's set! I'm so excited, we're going back to Indiana in September with Wayne & Terri to visit the "Oasis". Right now, looks like the dates are 8th through 11th or somewhere around there.
Gosh, I hate when I don't write for months. I don't even know where to begin, life changes so much from day to day. But, I think of everybody...my friends from this "blog" world all the time.
Anyway, I just wanted especially JoJo and Lepido know that we'll be coming to your area, so maybe we can work something out to see each other again.
This was something that one of the women at the retreat our church held. She's hasn't been a Christian very long, but, her faith has encouraged me so much.
The "naked and unashamed" she refers to is something that dawned on me as I was teaching...how, although we are suffering all the "flaws from the fall" as I called them, on the inside, we are being restored to our original condition as we were meant to be and the first man and woman were. I thought of their being unaware of their nakedness, so they didn't know to be ashamed, and how we are now free to be "naked and unashamed" of those circumstances, thoughts, etc., that we were used to keep hidden. So anyway, as it became a freeing thought to me, it kind of caught on. :)
Second Touch Women’s Retreat (4/2006)
“Extreme Make-over”
I was a stranger walking in. I was still in shock from a recent disappointment and in desperate need of some repair, some hope. I had somehow heard of the retreat through a friend of a friend of the group and signed up at the last minute. Being a fairly new believer, I had not been to a retreat before and didn’t know what to expect. First two faces I met were Kate and Holly…. Bright and shining warmth… Then, walking into the house, I was greeted by Melanie, who looked somehow so very familiar. Then one by one…Dotty, Marci, Sharon, Lacy, Joyce, Kathleen, and the rest whose names I cannot remember…everyone looked familiar to me. Never had I experienced such a feeling in a new group of people. As I look back now, the energy I felt must have been the undeniable connection through our sisterhood in Christ. Each of us had put our lives on hold that weekend to be at the retreat, for the sole purpose of getting closer to God. As a result, the sisterhood could be felt much stronger without our masks we tend to put on for the world. It seemed more apparent to me, because I was a stranger to the group, never having met these women before. Yet I felt like I knew them, and I felt instantly accepted. I was a part of the group….I belonged… I was holding (clenching) the only ticket required….the longing for God. As Melanie led the retreat with such openness and put herself out there (“naked and unashamed”); and as we shared the scriptures, our stories, tears, and laughter…I somehow felt renewed, alive, and excited again about the road ahead. It is just so amazing to me how perfectly God paves the way for me….how intimately he knows my heart. How, as soon as I seem to have hit a dead-end, he lights up another brighter path for me to walk on. How he always, always, has me in his embrace…. Now, if I can just stop kicking and thrashing around and learn to rest in his arms… If I can be still and just breathe…
The last song on Melanie’s CD is “Breathe.” It says so much…so simply…
And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. (Philippians 4:7)
Gosh, I hate when I don't write for months. I don't even know where to begin, life changes so much from day to day. But, I think of everybody...my friends from this "blog" world all the time.
Anyway, I just wanted especially JoJo and Lepido know that we'll be coming to your area, so maybe we can work something out to see each other again.
This was something that one of the women at the retreat our church held. She's hasn't been a Christian very long, but, her faith has encouraged me so much.
The "naked and unashamed" she refers to is something that dawned on me as I was teaching...how, although we are suffering all the "flaws from the fall" as I called them, on the inside, we are being restored to our original condition as we were meant to be and the first man and woman were. I thought of their being unaware of their nakedness, so they didn't know to be ashamed, and how we are now free to be "naked and unashamed" of those circumstances, thoughts, etc., that we were used to keep hidden. So anyway, as it became a freeing thought to me, it kind of caught on. :)
Second Touch Women’s Retreat (4/2006)
“Extreme Make-over”
I was a stranger walking in. I was still in shock from a recent disappointment and in desperate need of some repair, some hope. I had somehow heard of the retreat through a friend of a friend of the group and signed up at the last minute. Being a fairly new believer, I had not been to a retreat before and didn’t know what to expect. First two faces I met were Kate and Holly…. Bright and shining warmth… Then, walking into the house, I was greeted by Melanie, who looked somehow so very familiar. Then one by one…Dotty, Marci, Sharon, Lacy, Joyce, Kathleen, and the rest whose names I cannot remember…everyone looked familiar to me. Never had I experienced such a feeling in a new group of people. As I look back now, the energy I felt must have been the undeniable connection through our sisterhood in Christ. Each of us had put our lives on hold that weekend to be at the retreat, for the sole purpose of getting closer to God. As a result, the sisterhood could be felt much stronger without our masks we tend to put on for the world. It seemed more apparent to me, because I was a stranger to the group, never having met these women before. Yet I felt like I knew them, and I felt instantly accepted. I was a part of the group….I belonged… I was holding (clenching) the only ticket required….the longing for God. As Melanie led the retreat with such openness and put herself out there (“naked and unashamed”); and as we shared the scriptures, our stories, tears, and laughter…I somehow felt renewed, alive, and excited again about the road ahead. It is just so amazing to me how perfectly God paves the way for me….how intimately he knows my heart. How, as soon as I seem to have hit a dead-end, he lights up another brighter path for me to walk on. How he always, always, has me in his embrace…. Now, if I can just stop kicking and thrashing around and learn to rest in his arms… If I can be still and just breathe…
The last song on Melanie’s CD is “Breathe.” It says so much…so simply…
And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. (Philippians 4:7)
Thursday, April 27, 2006
I'm Back
It's been months since I last wrote. Just haven't had much time lately. But, I miss everyone.
The week the Sound of Music was over, Frank's sister called needing help with his mom, who has lived with her for the past 15 years. His sister had just had knee surgery and couldn't cope with his mom, who came down with a severe flu. She seemed to lose all control and needed help with eating, getting dressed...etc. So...I wound up going to help, which was actually a blessing...spending so much time with her. She became so weak, she was hospitalized and while recuperating in a rehabilitation center, Edie suffered a blood clot. By the time they called us to return, she was in a coma-like state, hooked to machines. Four days later, she passed away. It was totally unexpected as she was getting better and growing stronger.
This past weekend, I taught at a women's retreat, which was such a welcome treat. It was at a "summer home" on a Lake. About 22 women attended all together. So, for weeks there was a lot of preparing to do for our "Extreme Makeover" weekend...(God's Desire for a Radical New You!) Not only was it a wonderful time spent with lots of incredible women, but...I still can't believe it...made my debut playing guitar for worship. Holly, who was a fellow "nun" in the Sound of Music, played keyboard for worship, but...I was able to accompany her - with my very limited skills on the guitar Frank bought me years ago. I picked it up in February...and voila...I'm actually playing it...and really enjoying it.
This Sunday, we're (with Frank on the Sax) leading worship at a local church,then on Thursday for a local county event for "The National Day of Prayer."
Anyway, just thought I'd say hi. REally, I just wanted to get that "Yikes" word off the heading of my blog. They closed the case after a short investigation, by the way, and replaced the money.
The week the Sound of Music was over, Frank's sister called needing help with his mom, who has lived with her for the past 15 years. His sister had just had knee surgery and couldn't cope with his mom, who came down with a severe flu. She seemed to lose all control and needed help with eating, getting dressed...etc. So...I wound up going to help, which was actually a blessing...spending so much time with her. She became so weak, she was hospitalized and while recuperating in a rehabilitation center, Edie suffered a blood clot. By the time they called us to return, she was in a coma-like state, hooked to machines. Four days later, she passed away. It was totally unexpected as she was getting better and growing stronger.
This past weekend, I taught at a women's retreat, which was such a welcome treat. It was at a "summer home" on a Lake. About 22 women attended all together. So, for weeks there was a lot of preparing to do for our "Extreme Makeover" weekend...(God's Desire for a Radical New You!) Not only was it a wonderful time spent with lots of incredible women, but...I still can't believe it...made my debut playing guitar for worship. Holly, who was a fellow "nun" in the Sound of Music, played keyboard for worship, but...I was able to accompany her - with my very limited skills on the guitar Frank bought me years ago. I picked it up in February...and voila...I'm actually playing it...and really enjoying it.
This Sunday, we're (with Frank on the Sax) leading worship at a local church,then on Thursday for a local county event for "The National Day of Prayer."
Anyway, just thought I'd say hi. REally, I just wanted to get that "Yikes" word off the heading of my blog. They closed the case after a short investigation, by the way, and replaced the money.
Monday, November 28, 2005
Yikes! It Happened to Me!
I always thought those commercials were clever, not really thinking about the reality of it. You know the ones? Where the tough guy is talking about shopping for his party dress, complete with a female voice-over? Or the girl with the man's voice? They're talking about all the fun they've had at someone else's expense?
Well...you got it! It happened to me and all I could see was some guy with my voice (with a thick NY accent) talking about how he was enjoying his new computer or office equipment from Staples (or whatever they spent almost $800 on), all the latest cosmetics at Sophora's ($500 worth),his new Banana Republic wardrobe, the latest tunes from NY City's Music Land, and of course all this over dinner in China Town and goodies at lots of other places all over the "big Apple." All in all...this person enjoyed themselves (on us) over the course of a weekend to the tune of almost $3000. I don't think I have to tell you... that commercial is not so funny right now.
Who knows? maybe I'll pass it on when it becomes one of those "looked back on stories" and we learn something spiritual from it. As a matter of fact, maybe we are learning something... because right now...it's kind of creepy how it actually "feels" like somebody came in your house and went through your stuff. So, spiritual lesson #1...letting the "Jesus" in me pray for God's love, grace and mercy on this person when the "Melanie" in me would really rather not. :):)
Well...you got it! It happened to me and all I could see was some guy with my voice (with a thick NY accent) talking about how he was enjoying his new computer or office equipment from Staples (or whatever they spent almost $800 on), all the latest cosmetics at Sophora's ($500 worth),his new Banana Republic wardrobe, the latest tunes from NY City's Music Land, and of course all this over dinner in China Town and goodies at lots of other places all over the "big Apple." All in all...this person enjoyed themselves (on us) over the course of a weekend to the tune of almost $3000. I don't think I have to tell you... that commercial is not so funny right now.
Who knows? maybe I'll pass it on when it becomes one of those "looked back on stories" and we learn something spiritual from it. As a matter of fact, maybe we are learning something... because right now...it's kind of creepy how it actually "feels" like somebody came in your house and went through your stuff. So, spiritual lesson #1...letting the "Jesus" in me pray for God's love, grace and mercy on this person when the "Melanie" in me would really rather not. :):)
Monday, November 21, 2005
Thanksgiving!
I have to apologize for being so bad at keeping up with posting recently. It's all I can do to keep up with life these days, but...I really am enjoying the experience...if only I live through it! :) Why? First of all, I guess I've realized now how "out of shape" this body really is when carrying food, water and coffee sends my legs and arms into strange aches, pains and muscle spasms they haven't felt before. It's like I've slammed myself into some sort of new vigorous exercise routine or something. And I'm sure glad "this" happened last night (because our Wed. performance was cancelled, and we're off for 4 days) so there is time for this black and blue "goose egg" on my forehead to fade away. What happened? Well, during one of the last scenes of the show, I am part of the "Trio of Songer something" who wind up taking 3rd prize in the Saltzburg Festival...last night I got a huge laugh when I stole the one bouquet of flowers they award us and fled the stage, bowing & courtseying (sp?). Maybe it was because they thought it was part of the show when I slammed my head straight into the wall on the way out. :):):)Ouch!!!
This is one of those years that Thanksgiving winds up on or near my middle son, Nicholas, birthday. It's the day before, so we'll be celebrating both special occasions this week. Talk about Thanksgiving and being "Thankful", when I think of all the events around that time when Nick was born, I can't help but be in awe, let alone, grateful at the incredible things God has done! I know the Apostle Paul says to "press forward" and of course, he's encouraging us not to live in the past, or get stuck there...and I understand that completely. However, sometimes, I think it's good to think about who we were, where we've come from, so that we don't just take what God's done for granted. It's so easy to get caught up in all the stresses, complications and details of everyday life and allow them to be larger than the God I claim to trust. Looking back allows me to gain a true perspective of God, who really is larger than anything life throws at me.
There've been lots of dark days in my life (before Christ)...moments consumed with hopelessness, but, Thanksgiving Day, 1981 was probably one of the worst. I'd had a friend pick me up at the hospital that day...me and my new baby. Now home in the quiet of my apartment, a sense of panic washed over me as I watched Nicholas asleep in his basinette. I'd never felt so alone. The seriousness and responsibility of this situation hit me at once. No job, no money, no husband and another child to raise. Good grief, what had I done? I called a few friends in tears, but, they couldn't really talk, they were celebrating Thanksgiving with family.
Alone, all kind of thoughts now circled around in my head. How brave I thought I was in my decision to have this baby against all advise otherwise. "Are you crazy? You can't have a baby. It's easy, no big deal, just get an abortion. Everybody does it these days!" But, it wasn't easy, and all my strong willed and opinionated statements, like; "no body is going to tell me what to do with my own body" just flew right out the window when after seeing a doctor about a "growth" in my abdomen, turned out to be 21 weeks of pregnancy. Somebody, anybody, please tell me what to do with my body I now screamed silently and immediately spiraled into a 3 day crying, sleeping and more crying black hole of depression and confusion. One of the first and funniest things to be grateful for about that time was the questionable bedside manner of the doctor. This guy was not moved one bit by my dilemma or tears..."you're too far along for normal abortion procedures" he said matter-of-factly. "You have to go through the process of delivery. Only I'll inject a solution that will terminate the fetus." Then he added this, which I will never forget..."Oh, and by the way, I charge just as much for a dead baby as I do a live one."
Hmmm, if that don't send you reeling, I don't know what will. Anyway, to make a very long story sort of short...I still called what I thought was an abortion clinic...who knows why...maybe to merely find someone to talk to. So I found one in the phone book. It was called a "Crisis Pregnancy Center." I was pregnant...in a crisis, how perfect. One of the kindest persons ever answered the phone at like 7 in the morning and invited me right over. I jumped at the invitation and found it to be a beautiful ranch for unwed mothers, mostly young girls. I was older, 27, didn't need what they offered, but, found a compassionate ear and one simple question changed everything for for me. "Why can't you have this baby?" She asked. All my frets, worries and concerns now sounded trite as I heard myself speak them out loud to her. There was really no reason, other than inconvenience, any way I looked at it and a few days later, the weight of the world lifted from my shoulders...and brain...when I made a decision.
"I'm having this baby" however, wasn't met with such great relief from others. Particuarly the father, who I'd broken up with months before. Angry and confused, I'm sure he's probably regretted some of the cruel things he said to me back then. But, it was just another of the things that went swirling around my head that dismal Thanksgiving Day, causing me to now question my decision as my beautiful little boy lay sleeping. What would I do? How would we make it? Right now, even diapers and formula would be a problem until I could get back to work. (which I did 3 weeks later)
Though I didn't know I'd posed those questions to God, I now know He was heard those cries. There were a few of my clients who said they were "praying" for me. Yeah right, I thought, if I gave it any thought at all, because I didn't believe, if there was a God, that He would have anything to do with the likes of me. However, two times during those few desperate weeks and two little boys to support, my clients' churches sent over huge bags of groceries and showed up at my door (wearing Santa hats) with presents for all of us. I was too proud back then and too decieved into thinking I was fiercely independent, to be grateful enough, but...I don't have to think of it too hard now to appreciate God's hand in all these events. Today, when I remember that Thanksgiving, I'm not too proud to give Him every bit of the credit. I am overhelmed by the "Beauty of what God is willing to make of the Ashes of what many times are our own foolish choices... and...I am moved to tears over God's goodness, when I celebrate the 24th year of the birth of my beautiful son, Nicholas!
A Happy and Blessed Thanksgiving to all!
This is one of those years that Thanksgiving winds up on or near my middle son, Nicholas, birthday. It's the day before, so we'll be celebrating both special occasions this week. Talk about Thanksgiving and being "Thankful", when I think of all the events around that time when Nick was born, I can't help but be in awe, let alone, grateful at the incredible things God has done! I know the Apostle Paul says to "press forward" and of course, he's encouraging us not to live in the past, or get stuck there...and I understand that completely. However, sometimes, I think it's good to think about who we were, where we've come from, so that we don't just take what God's done for granted. It's so easy to get caught up in all the stresses, complications and details of everyday life and allow them to be larger than the God I claim to trust. Looking back allows me to gain a true perspective of God, who really is larger than anything life throws at me.
There've been lots of dark days in my life (before Christ)...moments consumed with hopelessness, but, Thanksgiving Day, 1981 was probably one of the worst. I'd had a friend pick me up at the hospital that day...me and my new baby. Now home in the quiet of my apartment, a sense of panic washed over me as I watched Nicholas asleep in his basinette. I'd never felt so alone. The seriousness and responsibility of this situation hit me at once. No job, no money, no husband and another child to raise. Good grief, what had I done? I called a few friends in tears, but, they couldn't really talk, they were celebrating Thanksgiving with family.
Alone, all kind of thoughts now circled around in my head. How brave I thought I was in my decision to have this baby against all advise otherwise. "Are you crazy? You can't have a baby. It's easy, no big deal, just get an abortion. Everybody does it these days!" But, it wasn't easy, and all my strong willed and opinionated statements, like; "no body is going to tell me what to do with my own body" just flew right out the window when after seeing a doctor about a "growth" in my abdomen, turned out to be 21 weeks of pregnancy. Somebody, anybody, please tell me what to do with my body I now screamed silently and immediately spiraled into a 3 day crying, sleeping and more crying black hole of depression and confusion. One of the first and funniest things to be grateful for about that time was the questionable bedside manner of the doctor. This guy was not moved one bit by my dilemma or tears..."you're too far along for normal abortion procedures" he said matter-of-factly. "You have to go through the process of delivery. Only I'll inject a solution that will terminate the fetus." Then he added this, which I will never forget..."Oh, and by the way, I charge just as much for a dead baby as I do a live one."
Hmmm, if that don't send you reeling, I don't know what will. Anyway, to make a very long story sort of short...I still called what I thought was an abortion clinic...who knows why...maybe to merely find someone to talk to. So I found one in the phone book. It was called a "Crisis Pregnancy Center." I was pregnant...in a crisis, how perfect. One of the kindest persons ever answered the phone at like 7 in the morning and invited me right over. I jumped at the invitation and found it to be a beautiful ranch for unwed mothers, mostly young girls. I was older, 27, didn't need what they offered, but, found a compassionate ear and one simple question changed everything for for me. "Why can't you have this baby?" She asked. All my frets, worries and concerns now sounded trite as I heard myself speak them out loud to her. There was really no reason, other than inconvenience, any way I looked at it and a few days later, the weight of the world lifted from my shoulders...and brain...when I made a decision.
"I'm having this baby" however, wasn't met with such great relief from others. Particuarly the father, who I'd broken up with months before. Angry and confused, I'm sure he's probably regretted some of the cruel things he said to me back then. But, it was just another of the things that went swirling around my head that dismal Thanksgiving Day, causing me to now question my decision as my beautiful little boy lay sleeping. What would I do? How would we make it? Right now, even diapers and formula would be a problem until I could get back to work. (which I did 3 weeks later)
Though I didn't know I'd posed those questions to God, I now know He was heard those cries. There were a few of my clients who said they were "praying" for me. Yeah right, I thought, if I gave it any thought at all, because I didn't believe, if there was a God, that He would have anything to do with the likes of me. However, two times during those few desperate weeks and two little boys to support, my clients' churches sent over huge bags of groceries and showed up at my door (wearing Santa hats) with presents for all of us. I was too proud back then and too decieved into thinking I was fiercely independent, to be grateful enough, but...I don't have to think of it too hard now to appreciate God's hand in all these events. Today, when I remember that Thanksgiving, I'm not too proud to give Him every bit of the credit. I am overhelmed by the "Beauty of what God is willing to make of the Ashes of what many times are our own foolish choices... and...I am moved to tears over God's goodness, when I celebrate the 24th year of the birth of my beautiful son, Nicholas!
A Happy and Blessed Thanksgiving to all!
Thursday, November 10, 2005
JoJo
Today, my heart just breaks for my sweet friend JoJo. Yesterday, her precious little Kristin went home to be with the Lord. Jojo's strength and unwavering faith in Christ has been such an inspiration and encouragement for so many of us. Please keep their family in your prayers and thoughts.
JoJo's Blog
JoJo's Blog
Thursday, November 03, 2005
HE** Week!!!
They call this last week before opening night, which is this Friday, H*ll week! Now I know why! They weren't kidding! I don't think I've made it home before 1 or 2 in the morning. Yesterday morning, the phone rang at 6:30 and it was Frank. I thought he was taking a shower, so I got really disoriented and confused. Like..."who are you?" Dang, "who am I?" And..what are you doing on the phone? He wasn't amused and had a list for me even though I was pretty much incoherent.
Speaking of incoherant (sp?) my daughter, Julie called on Monday night on my way home (around 1 am) because she was worried. I told Frank on Tuesday morning that Julie had called to see if I was ok. "Then she wished me happy birthday," I told him. He just looked at me strangely..."why would she say that?" he asked. "Maybe, because it IS my birthday!"
Ok...I'm done complaining! I actually wanted to post earlier in the week, before H*ll week took it's toll and say a few words about the weekend, which was incredible. Last week, fellow blogger..."Lepido" Hank and his beautiful wife, Nancy were visiting relatives in our town, so we got to spend some time together. What a blessing! They came to our church on Sunday morning and I was thinking...that's one of the cool things about being "in Christ." We have "family" everywhere. We can skip the small talk and get right to the things that matter. It's like we've known each other forever. We got to visit a few times while they were here and I enjoyed every minute of it and consider them very special friends. I think they did too...even though they now have a little more insight into "my husband's new invention."
There is so much to say about what is going on with "The Sound of Music" I just don't have time right now. Hopefully, when it calms down a little and we get past the chaos of this week...I'll be able to write more. Hope so.
Meanwhile..."So Long, Farewell...Aweideseine (I've got no idea how to spell that) Goodbye!
Speaking of incoherant (sp?) my daughter, Julie called on Monday night on my way home (around 1 am) because she was worried. I told Frank on Tuesday morning that Julie had called to see if I was ok. "Then she wished me happy birthday," I told him. He just looked at me strangely..."why would she say that?" he asked. "Maybe, because it IS my birthday!"
Ok...I'm done complaining! I actually wanted to post earlier in the week, before H*ll week took it's toll and say a few words about the weekend, which was incredible. Last week, fellow blogger..."Lepido" Hank and his beautiful wife, Nancy were visiting relatives in our town, so we got to spend some time together. What a blessing! They came to our church on Sunday morning and I was thinking...that's one of the cool things about being "in Christ." We have "family" everywhere. We can skip the small talk and get right to the things that matter. It's like we've known each other forever. We got to visit a few times while they were here and I enjoyed every minute of it and consider them very special friends. I think they did too...even though they now have a little more insight into "my husband's new invention."
There is so much to say about what is going on with "The Sound of Music" I just don't have time right now. Hopefully, when it calms down a little and we get past the chaos of this week...I'll be able to write more. Hope so.
Meanwhile..."So Long, Farewell...Aweideseine (I've got no idea how to spell that) Goodbye!
Wednesday, October 12, 2005
"Unlikely Angel"
Just got back from vacation. Now I need a vacation to get over the “vacation.” Anyway, the highlight of the week was reading Ashley Smith’s book “Unlikely Angel” Remember her? She was the girl who was taken hostage by Brian Nichols…the guy who had just escaped from jail and killed 4 people, including a judge in GA. When the story came out, she said she read to him from “The Purpose Driven Life” and after a 7 hour ordeal this guy let her go in the morning to see her little girl and asked if he could do some stuff around her house. Is that an incredible story or what?
After reading the book, there were a few details that didn’t come out initially. The girl was a drug addict and actually offered some “ice” (crystal meth) to him. However, what is so cool about the book is not so much the news story, but the bigger story…Ashley Smith’s redemption. Right after reading the book, I saw her on the Larry King show and of course, he brought up that there are Christian leaders opposing this book. There are others criticizing her for offering drugs to a criminal…but, as the “experts” try to analyze, scrutinize and psychologize what happened that night – you know what???? I find it absolutely, beautifully refreshing that she was simply “living life” – moving into an apartment, going out for cigarettes… and our Wonderful God, the mighty Creator of the universe was right there, and made Himself known to her…and He used her in a very powerful way.
He tells us that He is a God who is involved in the smallest details of life, yet we find that very difficult to believe. But, God is real and reaches into the depths to save us. She found out that night…it’s true!
Sixteen years ago, I too found out it was true! Reading the details of her “awakening,” it was inspiring… like living mine all over again, when one night, after overdosing on Cocaine for the 3rd or 4th time (I can’t recall), thinking I wasn’t going to make it…I too came to grips with those same truths #1) I was a drug addict #2) I was a pathetic excuse for a mother {I had 3 kids by different fathers, which was exactly how I grew up} #3) They would be far better off without me if I died. Life was out of control and like this girl, I thought the drugs were larger than God, I thought that my inability to get the relationship-thing right was bigger than God…but, I would realize that night that I had a REAL Father and He was much bigger and awesome than any drug or any thing else that had a hold of my life. I have never looked back and I don’t think she will either, because she got to see what many, many people, even Christians, only hope to believe – things aren’t what we thought they were…we’re not who we thought we were! What a blessing to have those ‘moments’ where you know, without a doubt that God is real and His love is real!
The night of my own “awakening” I saw the huge reality of the truth…I knew that I deserved God’s anger, I knew what a screw-up I’d been, I deserved His disappointment. However, God met me with unconditional grace & mercy. It was very real and though I’d been so high earlier that I could barely talk, I knew God answered my cry for help and sensed His love in a very intimate and real way. Suddenly, I was no longer afraid. He’s given me peace and freed me from the pain of the past.
As far as this story…you know, it’s funny, we have all this technology, education, knowledge and we think we’re so intelligent, yet the truth is so profoundly simple. The most effective and powerful weapon continues to be a sincere and genuine heart, willing to be used by God…in everyday life. God’s word used coming though a transparent vessel translates forgiveness and hope through Christ to the most dismal, hopeless situation. This girl offered…she allowed God to offer that hope to a very dangerous and desperate man who rightly thought he was “already dead”! She lived to tell about it when others did not, which reminds me of another truth found in scripture! “Not by might nor by power, but by my Spirit, says the Lord”
When I was first saved, someone told me something that I’ve never forgotten. They just reminded me how relatively few people “know what I know” and I should never give up sharing. Reading her story and realizing that there are always those who will criticize, there will be doubts and we’ll grow weary at times, but nothing compares to the hope our stories offer to the millions who have none. Though ours may have not been a media event, we who’ve experienced that hope have a story. Don’t stop sharing it.
After reading the book, there were a few details that didn’t come out initially. The girl was a drug addict and actually offered some “ice” (crystal meth) to him. However, what is so cool about the book is not so much the news story, but the bigger story…Ashley Smith’s redemption. Right after reading the book, I saw her on the Larry King show and of course, he brought up that there are Christian leaders opposing this book. There are others criticizing her for offering drugs to a criminal…but, as the “experts” try to analyze, scrutinize and psychologize what happened that night – you know what???? I find it absolutely, beautifully refreshing that she was simply “living life” – moving into an apartment, going out for cigarettes… and our Wonderful God, the mighty Creator of the universe was right there, and made Himself known to her…and He used her in a very powerful way.
He tells us that He is a God who is involved in the smallest details of life, yet we find that very difficult to believe. But, God is real and reaches into the depths to save us. She found out that night…it’s true!
Sixteen years ago, I too found out it was true! Reading the details of her “awakening,” it was inspiring… like living mine all over again, when one night, after overdosing on Cocaine for the 3rd or 4th time (I can’t recall), thinking I wasn’t going to make it…I too came to grips with those same truths #1) I was a drug addict #2) I was a pathetic excuse for a mother {I had 3 kids by different fathers, which was exactly how I grew up} #3) They would be far better off without me if I died. Life was out of control and like this girl, I thought the drugs were larger than God, I thought that my inability to get the relationship-thing right was bigger than God…but, I would realize that night that I had a REAL Father and He was much bigger and awesome than any drug or any thing else that had a hold of my life. I have never looked back and I don’t think she will either, because she got to see what many, many people, even Christians, only hope to believe – things aren’t what we thought they were…we’re not who we thought we were! What a blessing to have those ‘moments’ where you know, without a doubt that God is real and His love is real!
The night of my own “awakening” I saw the huge reality of the truth…I knew that I deserved God’s anger, I knew what a screw-up I’d been, I deserved His disappointment. However, God met me with unconditional grace & mercy. It was very real and though I’d been so high earlier that I could barely talk, I knew God answered my cry for help and sensed His love in a very intimate and real way. Suddenly, I was no longer afraid. He’s given me peace and freed me from the pain of the past.
As far as this story…you know, it’s funny, we have all this technology, education, knowledge and we think we’re so intelligent, yet the truth is so profoundly simple. The most effective and powerful weapon continues to be a sincere and genuine heart, willing to be used by God…in everyday life. God’s word used coming though a transparent vessel translates forgiveness and hope through Christ to the most dismal, hopeless situation. This girl offered…she allowed God to offer that hope to a very dangerous and desperate man who rightly thought he was “already dead”! She lived to tell about it when others did not, which reminds me of another truth found in scripture! “Not by might nor by power, but by my Spirit, says the Lord”
When I was first saved, someone told me something that I’ve never forgotten. They just reminded me how relatively few people “know what I know” and I should never give up sharing. Reading her story and realizing that there are always those who will criticize, there will be doubts and we’ll grow weary at times, but nothing compares to the hope our stories offer to the millions who have none. Though ours may have not been a media event, we who’ve experienced that hope have a story. Don’t stop sharing it.
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