Defined By Love

In an earlier post, "What's Your Story?" I was talking about the "stories" of our lives and how our life experiences not only form our opinions of the world around us, but wind up defining "who" we are. It's true; our self-concept is basically acquired during childhood. Children left alone, watching things, people and family become very self-focused. Without the truth or reality that we are part of something larger, we are consumed with our own thoughts, and thoughts focused solely on self will be destructive; I am worthless, useless and everything is MY fault. Some of us will be totally controlled by the opinions of others. Some of us will worship human approval - BUT...no matter how much we get, or how much we're loved by another person, it's never enough.

This is the truth in every human being; our thoughts precede and determine our behavior and our emotions. In other words, a person cannot truly change by simply altering their behavior. WE may DO things differently, but inside, we remain the same. You know what else determines our behavior? Our wants and desires. We learn very early what we want/desire and will DO what it takes to GET it. In that book, THE SACRED ROMANCE, (talked about it in the earlier post)John Eldridge, the author, challenges the reader that no matter how difficult or awful our past is, we can each find something that inspired or moved us. Something...a scene in a movie, the words of a song, the memory of a special person attracted us because of the built in craving to be loved, to be accepted. Built in because we're born with it. Created with it by God who is also the only One who can fill it.

It's true; our heart/soul/spirit was meant to focus solely on GOD, which brings complete peace, wholeness...satisfaction, etc. We, however, (even Christians) would rather focus on anything but. Even if we struggle through the more destructive wants and desires with more blatant consequences...we are constantly realizing new ones...that daggone need to be right, craving to be respected and approved of will creep up on the 'religious' of the religious. In fact, all this had an incredible impact on my relationship with my mom. Here I am a grown woman, able to speak to crowds, minister to other women... coming so far in healing and growing so strong in faith, yet one nasty word from my mother could set me back so far, so fast it could make my head swim. Then I'd beat myself up for striking back defensively. What a vicious cycle...til learning the root of it. The root being; the need for respect and approval from my mother was much stronger or more powerful than my need or focus on God.

What a breakthrough, before looking fully at the truth, I found that I'd do or say whatever it took to avoid confrontation with her. It became even easier to avoid her altogether. This is relationship based on a lie. Lies bind; truth frees! In John 8:32, Jesus says "Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free." This is the 'good news' of the gospel; Jesus said about himself that He was sent to "proclaim freedom for the prisoners and recovery of sight for the blind and to release the oppressed..." When I could truly confront myself with truth; my own obsession or insatiable desire to be loved (my way) by her, it was absolute freedom. I was able to finally face this relationship through the filter of God's love for both of us and see her as a fellow human being with her own struggles, fears and issues.

Anyway, back in the "Stories" post, I described a picture of myself, dressed for Halloween as Wilma Flintstone, puffing on a cigarette with a huge poster on the wall that read; "S$#t happens" a perfect illustration of one who found themselves defined by the messages of the world. I thought I had life all figured out and it was bleak.

BUT...I'm here to tell ya, I was wrong! Life is not a random set of circumstances. S#$T doesn't just happen! I was looking for hope in everything but God, but everything else dissapoints. Every detail, every experience of life is orchestrated. The God who made us directs and guides, leading eventually to the place where where our faith will rest totally in Him. Yet, this picture of "Wilma" was a person who'd come many times to that place of dissapointment, hopelessness, and despair and instead of calling out to the One who says "Come to me all you who are burdened and I will give you rest"...to the One who offered life to the full, who offered a hope and a future" Instead...I'd pick myself up, dust myself off and vow...NEVER to be hurt again...each time shutting off my heart a little more...

How bout you? When you really think about it, how do you define yourself? By the messages of your experiences with others, the hurt, the anger, the disappointment? As Christians, we cross this invisible but powerful line that says we're to be defined by the truth; That truth will set you free. What is truth? It's found in the love letter to you, written by the One who made you..."You are precious in my sight" "I have loved you with an everlasting love" "I knew you before you were formed" The most freeing truth? You're forgiven and you can start brand new. There's nothing like it, no other religion offers such an incredible gift. I have a friend who insists that SHE can't be forgiven. "God so loved THE WORLD that He gave His only begotten Son..." you know the rest. That's HUGE...yet, my friend says SHE can't be forgiven. What she's really saying is that she's taken a look at what she percieves as "church people" and she can't be like them or accepted by them. I know, I had that same hopeless perception. BUT...I was excited to find that Christianity was not Potlucks, Sunday socials, political opinions and fundraisers...It's life or death. We're called to hope in an "unseen" world that's bigger and more impacting than the world we CAN see. We're invited to know the "unknowable". You cannot look at "The Cross" and deny that you are loved fiercely by God, no matter what your story.