One of those nightmare things you hope never happens...happened last night. I wrote a post for hours and went to publish...it said something about the "website not responding"....and poof! Hours of work lost in cyberspace...I tried refreshing...going back...nothing!!
Don't you hate that? In fact that's one of those things where Christian or not...I'm glad no one was in the room at the time. Cause then they'd be saying "Oh...and you're supposed to be a Christian???" That reminds me of that bumper sticker..."Have patience, Christian under construction." That sounds like "you need to forgive me for not living up to what I believe...I'm only human." I have a better one; "Don't Blame Jesus! I'm the Knucklehead Who Did It!"
Hey, sometimes, I admit it, I know full well the expectations on someone claiming to be a Christian and I give in anyway...maybe throw a temper tantrum, criticize or gossip. However, (and really, I'm not making excuses) there's this wierd transition between the "old" life, and the "after Christ" life, where you carry some of that old, bad stuff into the Christian journey like luggage.
Honestly, sometimes I hate to think that people are judging God by the stupid things I say and do. What a huge responsibility. That's why instead of a bumper sticker, maybe we should wear a disclaimer on our forehead, releasing Jesus of all responsibility when I make a mess of things.
That's another thing that was a total shock to the Christian life...before, you'd go around stumbling through things, if you made a mistake, you banged your head against the wall a few times and keep going...if somebody said something, you shot them a quick "hey,&#&% mind your own business!" But once you began to know HIM, learn compassion, learn to think differently, reason differently, and have this new compulsion to read the Bible, suddenly, you're expected by Christians and non-Christians to be on your best behavior every minute, every action counts and you're accountable to everybody, and believe me, EVERYBODY will give their opinion.
Like I said there's this wierd transition and though on the inside..your thoughts, your desires are all changing, there are some things that remain the same. For instance, I was a hairdresser when I became a believer. I'd been working at the same place for 11 years with lots of clients on my book. My gift of "hairdressing" didn't change, so even though some of them thought I'd totally freaked on them, they continued to come to me to get their hair done. One lady worked in a video store...it was 1989, remember when all that video stuff was fairly new? Well, she used to bring me bags of movies when they got rid of them. My kids loved this perk and always looked forward to it.
Now our whole family was going through this change and all kinds of things were suddenly occurring to me that I'd never given a thought to before. Like, I was starting to realize that just because something was packaged in a nice little video, it wasn't necessarily something my kids should be watching. But, movies were expensive and I certainly couldn't bring myself to just throwing them out...even though I remember making a mental "notice what kids are watching." A lot of new revelations in every detail of life were popping up everywhere.
Another new revelation was the Christian Bookstore. I never even knew these places existed. I remember being so excited to discover a whole sub-culture of Christian books and music. They even had Christian videos you could rent. At the time, there was ...McGee and Me. It had just come out. This was a series about a little blonde bouffant-head animated character who helped a real live boy through life's challenges. The cute little cartooned McGee was a kind of Jiminy Cricket, lending conscience through scripture to dilemma after dilemma. Great!! McGee would help me unteach my kids some of the stuff they'd already been exposed to. I rented them the entire series...anything to help me along in this new concept of 'good Christian mothering.'
The trouble with rentals...you've gotta take them back. So, to avoid a hefty late fee, I made sure to put that high on the 'to-do' list on my one day off. "Grab those McGee movies, Paul." I told my oldest son. "Are they all rewound?" I asked him as we got in the car. He assured me they were and I dropped them off with the new and unlikely friends I'd been making at the Christian Bookstore.
A few days later, as I was cleaning, a mixture of fear and panic set in as I ran accross a "McGee & Me" movie without a cover. What was in that box? Frantically I went through our videos and realized the only thing missing was our Disney Family Vacation, taken a few years back. "Oh, no...we weren't Christians then, I'm sure there's some questionable stuff on there...what will my new Christian friends think?"
"Umm..I feel so stupid," trying to joke around with the girl who answered the phone. "but, I think one of the McGee & Me boxes we returned might contain our family's vacation instead." I laughed. Ummmm...dead silence.
"No" The girl was not laughing..."it wasn't your family's vacation" she replied emotionless. My heart sunk as she related the horrible details; apparently, a Christian family had rented the series right after we did. Apparently, a more diligent and much wiser Christian mom had taken the time to preview even McGee & Me before allowing her kids to watch. Good thing! There was a boy and his sidekick alright...but, he was no McGee! The little animated star of this movie was named "Chuckie!" Suddenly, I saw my life pass before my eyes envisioning a little traumatized homeschooler screaming from nightmares of the little demon-possessed boy-doll of the popular horror flick. "Child's Play was in the box. We'd appreciate if you'd come and get it and bring in McGee & Me." the girl finished curtly. She might as well have said what she was thinking "...and you call yourself a Christian!"
All kinds of excuses came to me, like "How in the world did THAT horrible thing get in there?" but, I didn't bother. Simply said, "oh...um....you can just go on and throw that away." I think I had someone else take in the McGee movie and I never stepped foot in there again! It wouldn't be the last time some nasty thing from who I used to be would come creeping in and cross over into the who I am now. Only I now know that it's those things that motivate those who don't believe to just dismiss all of Christianity with a disgusted..."hypocrite!" just like I used to. Then there's your new Christian family who suddenly are appalled that you would do anything so dispicable. I know that God forgives me and understands. Still it's hard not to feel badly when you're aware of what people expect from someone who says they follow Christ. I feel bad that they're going to look at me who comes with all sorts of issues, when I wish they could look past me and right at Christ, who's perfect.
That's why I don't like that bumper sticker...you don't need to have patience with me, or I'm not perfect...just forgiven. If I really know Christ and His forgiveness, you don't need to have patience with me, you don't even need to forgive the stupid things I say and do. You're right, sometimes I AM actually being a hypocrite. Just don't blame HIM...please!!
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9 comments:
I can so relate! At least you can sit back and laugh at that video mix up now. (can't you?) :) I have experienced the same things - clearing out the old - or the times I have listened to an old album I loved and thought" OH MY! That's not a good message. Or the time I made my son watch Grease with me only to be ashamed at all the sexual implications. I remember seeing that with the neighbor lady when I was 13. She took my brother and me - and I sure didn't remember it that way. But we know that is the Holy Spirit refining us - helping us to be aware of where we need to change.
I appreciate your honesty. I always enjoy your posts so much because I can so totally relate!
Hey JoJo,
Isn't that amazing?? I remember loving the movie "Grease" It was one of my very favorites! I remember thinking Olivia Newton John looked so cool in that black outfit at the end...and how about the "beauty school drop out?" We both could relate there? huh? Like you, after becoming a Christian, I was shocked that the whole thing was centered around sex and making fun of the innocence of the Olivia NJ character. "Saturday Night Fever" was another one. I knew every song. Good grief, I don't know how I overlooked some of the stuff in there! Shoot...right around the time I gave my life to Christ...(Feb of 89) Guns & Roses "Welcome to the Jungle" was my favorite song.:)
Wow! that's amazing when you think of it, how our view of everything changes so drastically. That's the supernatural thing about Christianity that you just can't explain to anyone...until it happens to them...but, once it does...well...I just remember I had this wild compulsion to open every church door and scream inside..."I know what you know! I know what you know!...however it didn't take too long to discover that there were some inside those doors who didn't know what I knew ;)
Melanie,
Why is it everytime I read what you write I'm sitting here shaking my head up and down saying, - "I know! I know!" Guns and Roses was my favorite band too - wanted to see them in conert so bad. Thought Axl was way cool - now I just think he's gross! (and they didn't last huh?) And after I had my eyes opened, I would sit in church and listen to the same old hymns I had sung for years and finally realize what they meant. And when I hear the minister speak, scripture pops to mind. It is so awesome - as I've said before, whatever scripture I have studied that day, I hear again later, whether on Christian radio, listening to a teacher of the Word (Charles Stanley, James MacDonald, Tony Evans, etc) or by reading other Christian blogs. It is the neatest thing to know God is speaking to me and affirming my study time. "Our God is an awesome God - He reigns in heaven above - with wisdom, power, and love - our God is an awesome God" They need to add music notes on these keyboards! :)
I have a good friend who teaches high school honors English. Everyone at this large school knows her well, that she's a believer and very active at her church.
She had her sister living with her after a divorce. One day, she planned to show a video at the last minute, to her class. Knowing she might not be able to get a VCR set-up without any pre-planning, she just grabbed her sister's (all of her stuff was just crammed in their living room).
So, she gets to class, a little frazzled. She thinks she needs to put the tape in, but noticing there's already something in the VCR, she just assumes she did it and forgot! She pushes play. The seniors are all watching.
Yup. It was porn.
Needless to say, that was my friend's very first true panic attack. She said everything was moving in slow motion. She couldn't get her fingers to push "STOP."
She can laugh about it now, but the principal sure wasn't laughing!!
You know, I think that a lot of the issue with non-Christians accusing Christians of hypocracy is because maybe they don't have a real understanding of this "transformation". For most non-Christians, I think that they believe that we believe that once you are saved, you are supposed to be immediately and completely changed. And the church hasn't done a fantastic job of telling them otherwise. But I've been learning that you are instantly and completely forgiven, but the change is a long and hard process that we have to do ourselves (with His help, of course).
Have you read Mere Christianity? It talks a little bit about this, and C.S. Lewis was genius (did that sound a little biased? ok, it was).
Melanie,
Thanks for visiting. Good post. It could've been much worse than Chucky.
Christine,
Oh my!
JonMarc - You are exactly right - our forgiveness is instant, our transformation is ongoing, not complete until the day we reach heaven. God knew we could not become Holy on our own because we are trapped in our sin nature. That is why He came up with the perfect plan to redeem us. He knew before he created us, that Jesus would come to die in our place. And when Jesus had finished his mission, he sent "the helper" who is the Holy Spirit to be with us and help us to transform. It is not something we can fully understand until it happens, until you experience it yourself. And when that happens, you just can't shut up about it - you want every other person on this earth to know and experience it too. :)
There is only one response.
Next time, (control/save) before you hit Publish. So that the next time you get bumped you wont loose your writing like that. I do it as well. I always forget.
Smile anyways and sit down and write it again.
Jeremy
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