Leaving on Friday. Off to play at Oasis Fellowship in Vincennes, Indiana. Looking forward to meeting you, JoJo! :):)
Sorry I haven't been keeping up. I'm actually having a difficult time keeping up with...well...basically life. I can't tell you when or how this happened, but I find myself suddenly feeling overwhelmed, a little frazzled, and just between me and you...a little de-de-depressed..there, I said it.
There's a lot of stuff I could probably attribute it to...like...I could chalk it up to trying to get off of Premarin. I thought about this happening when I started weening myself off the synthetic hormones that everyone everywhere says will surely give you cancer. That's about all I gave it...a thought. I THOUGHT it was a no-brainer, now I'm reconsidering....cancer...or depression. Cancer or depression...cancer or
Then...there was Cory. He's my nephew who's been visiting for a few weeks. He's gone home now, but, as much as I love him, I'm still recovering. I'm so out of practice. (you can read my little picture/story about him uploaded into FLICKR)
I guess I should expect it, because as you fellow 'bare-naked's' know, there will always be adversity anytime we want to make Him known. Although, I'm afraid that in the end, I may find that the culprit was more my own danged self than anything else.
Wednesday, July 27, 2005
Friday, July 01, 2005
Happy 4th of July!
Well, we're off...hopefully, by this afternoon. Concert in Chincoteague, VA on Sunday and Delaware on Monday. Musically, I'm not ready, but when am I ever ready? It's just one of those things where God is ALWAYS faithful. I'm just so confident in the message, the power of His grace to change lives and give hope, that there's no sweatin' the small stuff :)
Frank has agreed to play the sax with me this time, although he's really anxious, so if anyone thinks of us, please pray! I keep telling him, it's not about the music, but the fact that God could put two messed up people with such animosity toward each other back together again. Actually, I still stand pretty amazed myself that out of the ashes of the hurt, disappointment to downright anger, resentment and bitterness, that God could restore love and even a genuine admiration and respect for one another. I keep telling Frank, "Shoot, after all that, the music should be the easy part."
Well, I'm gonna wrap it up. I'm running later than I wanted, with of course, more things to do than time to do it...(so what do I do? Blog :):)
We'll be back Tues night. Hope y'all enjoy your fourth, and if you think of it, all prayers are appreciated.
Frank has agreed to play the sax with me this time, although he's really anxious, so if anyone thinks of us, please pray! I keep telling him, it's not about the music, but the fact that God could put two messed up people with such animosity toward each other back together again. Actually, I still stand pretty amazed myself that out of the ashes of the hurt, disappointment to downright anger, resentment and bitterness, that God could restore love and even a genuine admiration and respect for one another. I keep telling Frank, "Shoot, after all that, the music should be the easy part."
Well, I'm gonna wrap it up. I'm running later than I wanted, with of course, more things to do than time to do it...(so what do I do? Blog :):)
We'll be back Tues night. Hope y'all enjoy your fourth, and if you think of it, all prayers are appreciated.
Wednesday, June 29, 2005
My husband's new invention
We met some friends for breakfast a few Sundays ago. I had to leave early because I was singing in another local church and they wound up spending another hour together and THAT's when it happened! What is that? That's when Frank, or somebody...and I don't think it was the wife of the other couple, came up with this new invention.
Unfortunately, I can't help but think that since I was the only one not in on this...that it was me who inspired this brainstorm.
Ok...here it is; it's called the "Conversation Piece." A wooden box that sits in the middle of the table and keeps track of how long each person is talking. When someone monopolizes the conversation, there is this obnoxious warning buzzer, which will, my husband feels, will only have to go off a few times before eventually keeping talking time more evenly distributed.
Frank has gone to the trouble of actually designing (on paper) a prototype, complete with 3D ears on each of the four panels, right above the LCD display of minutes 'talked'. On the drawing, just an example, I'm told...nothing personal, my side of the box shows 52 minutes. His 0.25 sec. Hmmmm...Of course, I wasn't convinced that this is going to make the millions proposed by my hubby...but, he says that someone told Bill Gates that no one would want a personal computer either.
Ok, so if you can't beat em, join em, I always say. So, what do you think about this? Forget the buzzer, why don't we create a restaurant, heck, a restaurant chain around the Conversation Piece and instead of a warning bell, the entire kitchen and wait staff can come to your table and chant "You talk too mu-uch, You talk too mu-uch...Give someone else a chance!" Sung to the tune of "la Cucaracha" (sp?)
Anyway, I'm feeling like this is a little bit elaborate scheme of my husbands to simply tell me that I talk too much, although he doesn't know the half of it, since Blogging is silent :) Yet, I have been known to be morbidly sensitive. So..hmmmm...who knows, maybe he's on to something;)
Unfortunately, I can't help but think that since I was the only one not in on this...that it was me who inspired this brainstorm.
Ok...here it is; it's called the "Conversation Piece." A wooden box that sits in the middle of the table and keeps track of how long each person is talking. When someone monopolizes the conversation, there is this obnoxious warning buzzer, which will, my husband feels, will only have to go off a few times before eventually keeping talking time more evenly distributed.
Frank has gone to the trouble of actually designing (on paper) a prototype, complete with 3D ears on each of the four panels, right above the LCD display of minutes 'talked'. On the drawing, just an example, I'm told...nothing personal, my side of the box shows 52 minutes. His 0.25 sec. Hmmmm...Of course, I wasn't convinced that this is going to make the millions proposed by my hubby...but, he says that someone told Bill Gates that no one would want a personal computer either.
Ok, so if you can't beat em, join em, I always say. So, what do you think about this? Forget the buzzer, why don't we create a restaurant, heck, a restaurant chain around the Conversation Piece and instead of a warning bell, the entire kitchen and wait staff can come to your table and chant "You talk too mu-uch, You talk too mu-uch...Give someone else a chance!" Sung to the tune of "la Cucaracha" (sp?)
Anyway, I'm feeling like this is a little bit elaborate scheme of my husbands to simply tell me that I talk too much, although he doesn't know the half of it, since Blogging is silent :) Yet, I have been known to be morbidly sensitive. So..hmmmm...who knows, maybe he's on to something;)
Friday, June 24, 2005
Me, Myself and McGee
One of those nightmare things you hope never happens...happened last night. I wrote a post for hours and went to publish...it said something about the "website not responding"....and poof! Hours of work lost in cyberspace...I tried refreshing...going back...nothing!!
Don't you hate that? In fact that's one of those things where Christian or not...I'm glad no one was in the room at the time. Cause then they'd be saying "Oh...and you're supposed to be a Christian???" That reminds me of that bumper sticker..."Have patience, Christian under construction." That sounds like "you need to forgive me for not living up to what I believe...I'm only human." I have a better one; "Don't Blame Jesus! I'm the Knucklehead Who Did It!"
Hey, sometimes, I admit it, I know full well the expectations on someone claiming to be a Christian and I give in anyway...maybe throw a temper tantrum, criticize or gossip. However, (and really, I'm not making excuses) there's this wierd transition between the "old" life, and the "after Christ" life, where you carry some of that old, bad stuff into the Christian journey like luggage.
Honestly, sometimes I hate to think that people are judging God by the stupid things I say and do. What a huge responsibility. That's why instead of a bumper sticker, maybe we should wear a disclaimer on our forehead, releasing Jesus of all responsibility when I make a mess of things.
That's another thing that was a total shock to the Christian life...before, you'd go around stumbling through things, if you made a mistake, you banged your head against the wall a few times and keep going...if somebody said something, you shot them a quick "hey,&#&% mind your own business!" But once you began to know HIM, learn compassion, learn to think differently, reason differently, and have this new compulsion to read the Bible, suddenly, you're expected by Christians and non-Christians to be on your best behavior every minute, every action counts and you're accountable to everybody, and believe me, EVERYBODY will give their opinion.
Like I said there's this wierd transition and though on the inside..your thoughts, your desires are all changing, there are some things that remain the same. For instance, I was a hairdresser when I became a believer. I'd been working at the same place for 11 years with lots of clients on my book. My gift of "hairdressing" didn't change, so even though some of them thought I'd totally freaked on them, they continued to come to me to get their hair done. One lady worked in a video store...it was 1989, remember when all that video stuff was fairly new? Well, she used to bring me bags of movies when they got rid of them. My kids loved this perk and always looked forward to it.
Now our whole family was going through this change and all kinds of things were suddenly occurring to me that I'd never given a thought to before. Like, I was starting to realize that just because something was packaged in a nice little video, it wasn't necessarily something my kids should be watching. But, movies were expensive and I certainly couldn't bring myself to just throwing them out...even though I remember making a mental "notice what kids are watching." A lot of new revelations in every detail of life were popping up everywhere.
Another new revelation was the Christian Bookstore. I never even knew these places existed. I remember being so excited to discover a whole sub-culture of Christian books and music. They even had Christian videos you could rent. At the time, there was ...McGee and Me. It had just come out. This was a series about a little blonde bouffant-head animated character who helped a real live boy through life's challenges. The cute little cartooned McGee was a kind of Jiminy Cricket, lending conscience through scripture to dilemma after dilemma. Great!! McGee would help me unteach my kids some of the stuff they'd already been exposed to. I rented them the entire series...anything to help me along in this new concept of 'good Christian mothering.'
The trouble with rentals...you've gotta take them back. So, to avoid a hefty late fee, I made sure to put that high on the 'to-do' list on my one day off. "Grab those McGee movies, Paul." I told my oldest son. "Are they all rewound?" I asked him as we got in the car. He assured me they were and I dropped them off with the new and unlikely friends I'd been making at the Christian Bookstore.
A few days later, as I was cleaning, a mixture of fear and panic set in as I ran accross a "McGee & Me" movie without a cover. What was in that box? Frantically I went through our videos and realized the only thing missing was our Disney Family Vacation, taken a few years back. "Oh, no...we weren't Christians then, I'm sure there's some questionable stuff on there...what will my new Christian friends think?"
"Umm..I feel so stupid," trying to joke around with the girl who answered the phone. "but, I think one of the McGee & Me boxes we returned might contain our family's vacation instead." I laughed. Ummmm...dead silence.
"No" The girl was not laughing..."it wasn't your family's vacation" she replied emotionless. My heart sunk as she related the horrible details; apparently, a Christian family had rented the series right after we did. Apparently, a more diligent and much wiser Christian mom had taken the time to preview even McGee & Me before allowing her kids to watch. Good thing! There was a boy and his sidekick alright...but, he was no McGee! The little animated star of this movie was named "Chuckie!" Suddenly, I saw my life pass before my eyes envisioning a little traumatized homeschooler screaming from nightmares of the little demon-possessed boy-doll of the popular horror flick. "Child's Play was in the box. We'd appreciate if you'd come and get it and bring in McGee & Me." the girl finished curtly. She might as well have said what she was thinking "...and you call yourself a Christian!"
All kinds of excuses came to me, like "How in the world did THAT horrible thing get in there?" but, I didn't bother. Simply said, "oh...um....you can just go on and throw that away." I think I had someone else take in the McGee movie and I never stepped foot in there again! It wouldn't be the last time some nasty thing from who I used to be would come creeping in and cross over into the who I am now. Only I now know that it's those things that motivate those who don't believe to just dismiss all of Christianity with a disgusted..."hypocrite!" just like I used to. Then there's your new Christian family who suddenly are appalled that you would do anything so dispicable. I know that God forgives me and understands. Still it's hard not to feel badly when you're aware of what people expect from someone who says they follow Christ. I feel bad that they're going to look at me who comes with all sorts of issues, when I wish they could look past me and right at Christ, who's perfect.
That's why I don't like that bumper sticker...you don't need to have patience with me, or I'm not perfect...just forgiven. If I really know Christ and His forgiveness, you don't need to have patience with me, you don't even need to forgive the stupid things I say and do. You're right, sometimes I AM actually being a hypocrite. Just don't blame HIM...please!!
Don't you hate that? In fact that's one of those things where Christian or not...I'm glad no one was in the room at the time. Cause then they'd be saying "Oh...and you're supposed to be a Christian???" That reminds me of that bumper sticker..."Have patience, Christian under construction." That sounds like "you need to forgive me for not living up to what I believe...I'm only human." I have a better one; "Don't Blame Jesus! I'm the Knucklehead Who Did It!"
Hey, sometimes, I admit it, I know full well the expectations on someone claiming to be a Christian and I give in anyway...maybe throw a temper tantrum, criticize or gossip. However, (and really, I'm not making excuses) there's this wierd transition between the "old" life, and the "after Christ" life, where you carry some of that old, bad stuff into the Christian journey like luggage.
Honestly, sometimes I hate to think that people are judging God by the stupid things I say and do. What a huge responsibility. That's why instead of a bumper sticker, maybe we should wear a disclaimer on our forehead, releasing Jesus of all responsibility when I make a mess of things.
That's another thing that was a total shock to the Christian life...before, you'd go around stumbling through things, if you made a mistake, you banged your head against the wall a few times and keep going...if somebody said something, you shot them a quick "hey,&#&% mind your own business!" But once you began to know HIM, learn compassion, learn to think differently, reason differently, and have this new compulsion to read the Bible, suddenly, you're expected by Christians and non-Christians to be on your best behavior every minute, every action counts and you're accountable to everybody, and believe me, EVERYBODY will give their opinion.
Like I said there's this wierd transition and though on the inside..your thoughts, your desires are all changing, there are some things that remain the same. For instance, I was a hairdresser when I became a believer. I'd been working at the same place for 11 years with lots of clients on my book. My gift of "hairdressing" didn't change, so even though some of them thought I'd totally freaked on them, they continued to come to me to get their hair done. One lady worked in a video store...it was 1989, remember when all that video stuff was fairly new? Well, she used to bring me bags of movies when they got rid of them. My kids loved this perk and always looked forward to it.
Now our whole family was going through this change and all kinds of things were suddenly occurring to me that I'd never given a thought to before. Like, I was starting to realize that just because something was packaged in a nice little video, it wasn't necessarily something my kids should be watching. But, movies were expensive and I certainly couldn't bring myself to just throwing them out...even though I remember making a mental "notice what kids are watching." A lot of new revelations in every detail of life were popping up everywhere.
Another new revelation was the Christian Bookstore. I never even knew these places existed. I remember being so excited to discover a whole sub-culture of Christian books and music. They even had Christian videos you could rent. At the time, there was ...McGee and Me. It had just come out. This was a series about a little blonde bouffant-head animated character who helped a real live boy through life's challenges. The cute little cartooned McGee was a kind of Jiminy Cricket, lending conscience through scripture to dilemma after dilemma. Great!! McGee would help me unteach my kids some of the stuff they'd already been exposed to. I rented them the entire series...anything to help me along in this new concept of 'good Christian mothering.'
The trouble with rentals...you've gotta take them back. So, to avoid a hefty late fee, I made sure to put that high on the 'to-do' list on my one day off. "Grab those McGee movies, Paul." I told my oldest son. "Are they all rewound?" I asked him as we got in the car. He assured me they were and I dropped them off with the new and unlikely friends I'd been making at the Christian Bookstore.
A few days later, as I was cleaning, a mixture of fear and panic set in as I ran accross a "McGee & Me" movie without a cover. What was in that box? Frantically I went through our videos and realized the only thing missing was our Disney Family Vacation, taken a few years back. "Oh, no...we weren't Christians then, I'm sure there's some questionable stuff on there...what will my new Christian friends think?"
"Umm..I feel so stupid," trying to joke around with the girl who answered the phone. "but, I think one of the McGee & Me boxes we returned might contain our family's vacation instead." I laughed. Ummmm...dead silence.
"No" The girl was not laughing..."it wasn't your family's vacation" she replied emotionless. My heart sunk as she related the horrible details; apparently, a Christian family had rented the series right after we did. Apparently, a more diligent and much wiser Christian mom had taken the time to preview even McGee & Me before allowing her kids to watch. Good thing! There was a boy and his sidekick alright...but, he was no McGee! The little animated star of this movie was named "Chuckie!" Suddenly, I saw my life pass before my eyes envisioning a little traumatized homeschooler screaming from nightmares of the little demon-possessed boy-doll of the popular horror flick. "Child's Play was in the box. We'd appreciate if you'd come and get it and bring in McGee & Me." the girl finished curtly. She might as well have said what she was thinking "...and you call yourself a Christian!"
All kinds of excuses came to me, like "How in the world did THAT horrible thing get in there?" but, I didn't bother. Simply said, "oh...um....you can just go on and throw that away." I think I had someone else take in the McGee movie and I never stepped foot in there again! It wouldn't be the last time some nasty thing from who I used to be would come creeping in and cross over into the who I am now. Only I now know that it's those things that motivate those who don't believe to just dismiss all of Christianity with a disgusted..."hypocrite!" just like I used to. Then there's your new Christian family who suddenly are appalled that you would do anything so dispicable. I know that God forgives me and understands. Still it's hard not to feel badly when you're aware of what people expect from someone who says they follow Christ. I feel bad that they're going to look at me who comes with all sorts of issues, when I wish they could look past me and right at Christ, who's perfect.
That's why I don't like that bumper sticker...you don't need to have patience with me, or I'm not perfect...just forgiven. If I really know Christ and His forgiveness, you don't need to have patience with me, you don't even need to forgive the stupid things I say and do. You're right, sometimes I AM actually being a hypocrite. Just don't blame HIM...please!!
Tuesday, June 21, 2005
Catching Up!
Wow! It's amazing how much happens in a week!
Keri's Birthday; It was great!!! In light of all the new developments in the Schiavo case...we are even more appreciative of celebrating her 30th year.
My only regret; we didn't have a video camera to record her "entrance". She rolled in on her motorized wheelchair after her dad told her they were going to some kind of 'crab-feast' or something like that. When she wheeled into the center of the room, it took her a second or two for it to register that everyone was talking to her when they gently said "Happy Birthday".(didn't want to scare her) THEN...she started realizing that she knew everyone. Keri looked around, screamed... kind of like ET...and spun that chair around, nearly running over her dad as she sped back out the door, half-laughing, half-screaming! It was hilarious...can't believe we didn't have a way to record that...
Food for party:couple hundred dollars -
Decorations - 149.50...
Keri speeding out of the place, screaming...priceless!!!! :)
Of course she came right back in and had a ball. Imagining her excitement didn't come close to the reality! My sister had asked me to sing: WHO I AM, by Jessica Andrews. OUr mom's name is Rosemary. So the lyrics to the chorus were especially poignant..
"I am Rosemary's grandaughter,
the spittin image of my father,
and when the day is done,
my mama's still my biggest fan.
Sometimes, I'm clueless and I'm clumsy,
but I've got friends who love me
they know just who I am."
It was hard to hold back the tears as Keri mouthed every single word (she can't really speak) as I sang them. THEN...the DJ and I played another song by Randy Travis, after I presented Keri a "signed birthday card" (I mailed him a letter and told him about her..so thanks Randy!) from "her favorite artist." She's already sent a note thanking him. She told him "he sure did miss a great party and should have been there!"
I have to agree! It was a great party!
Kind of crazy week though...from there I was called for jury duty and had to sit on a very serious case of "abduction and rape." Learned a lot about how our justice system works...the hard way!!! with way more graphic illustrations than anyone on the jury was comfortable with.
Sunday morning: led worship at a local church. The "band" consisted of friends I love dearly and don't get to spend much time with, so it was a double blessing! Then gave the Father's Day message to women at the local jail. That's always very humbling, I guess because the girls, for the most part, are so receptive, warm and seem so grateful. Some of them are so young, and seem frightened...you can't help but think of your own kids...when they cry...they just break my heart.
Oh...and my son, the one who tried that accupuncture stuff...he HAD to go and get antibiotics as he just couldn't kick the brochitis (threatening pneumonia, doc said) BUT...now that he's better, he's been testing those accupunture "allergy" treatments. He picked up and pet the cat, which he hasn't ever been able to do. No reaction!!! Also laid on the couch, which he couldn't do before because of allergies. No reaction!!! this week, he's being treated for 'mold'. By the way,
has anyone else ever tested around your house for mold? The doc told us to get these things at Home Depot. Mold Plates...actually little plastic containers. You pour in this gel, let it harden, then we sat one outside for 1 hour...I could have lived happily ever after without knowing the stuff that's growing in that petri dish! Good grief!!!
Keri's Birthday; It was great!!! In light of all the new developments in the Schiavo case...we are even more appreciative of celebrating her 30th year.
My only regret; we didn't have a video camera to record her "entrance". She rolled in on her motorized wheelchair after her dad told her they were going to some kind of 'crab-feast' or something like that. When she wheeled into the center of the room, it took her a second or two for it to register that everyone was talking to her when they gently said "Happy Birthday".(didn't want to scare her) THEN...she started realizing that she knew everyone. Keri looked around, screamed... kind of like ET...and spun that chair around, nearly running over her dad as she sped back out the door, half-laughing, half-screaming! It was hilarious...can't believe we didn't have a way to record that...
Food for party:couple hundred dollars -
Decorations - 149.50...
Keri speeding out of the place, screaming...priceless!!!! :)
Of course she came right back in and had a ball. Imagining her excitement didn't come close to the reality! My sister had asked me to sing: WHO I AM, by Jessica Andrews. OUr mom's name is Rosemary. So the lyrics to the chorus were especially poignant..
"I am Rosemary's grandaughter,
the spittin image of my father,
and when the day is done,
my mama's still my biggest fan.
Sometimes, I'm clueless and I'm clumsy,
but I've got friends who love me
they know just who I am."
It was hard to hold back the tears as Keri mouthed every single word (she can't really speak) as I sang them. THEN...the DJ and I played another song by Randy Travis, after I presented Keri a "signed birthday card" (I mailed him a letter and told him about her..so thanks Randy!) from "her favorite artist." She's already sent a note thanking him. She told him "he sure did miss a great party and should have been there!"
I have to agree! It was a great party!
Kind of crazy week though...from there I was called for jury duty and had to sit on a very serious case of "abduction and rape." Learned a lot about how our justice system works...the hard way!!! with way more graphic illustrations than anyone on the jury was comfortable with.
Sunday morning: led worship at a local church. The "band" consisted of friends I love dearly and don't get to spend much time with, so it was a double blessing! Then gave the Father's Day message to women at the local jail. That's always very humbling, I guess because the girls, for the most part, are so receptive, warm and seem so grateful. Some of them are so young, and seem frightened...you can't help but think of your own kids...when they cry...they just break my heart.
Oh...and my son, the one who tried that accupuncture stuff...he HAD to go and get antibiotics as he just couldn't kick the brochitis (threatening pneumonia, doc said) BUT...now that he's better, he's been testing those accupunture "allergy" treatments. He picked up and pet the cat, which he hasn't ever been able to do. No reaction!!! Also laid on the couch, which he couldn't do before because of allergies. No reaction!!! this week, he's being treated for 'mold'. By the way,
has anyone else ever tested around your house for mold? The doc told us to get these things at Home Depot. Mold Plates...actually little plastic containers. You pour in this gel, let it harden, then we sat one outside for 1 hour...I could have lived happily ever after without knowing the stuff that's growing in that petri dish! Good grief!!!
Friday, June 10, 2005
Keri's Birthday
Going up to Maryland this weekend to celebrate my neice's 30th birthday. Near Annapolis area...about 75 miles north of our neck of VA. Her mom, (my sis) rented a hall where she's going all out to make this an over-the-top special occassion. Special because 11 years ago, we didn't think she'd live to see it. That's when Dee's (my sis)only daughter, the oldest of two kids, walked into an emergency room complaining of a horrible headache, disorientation and numbness around her mouth...they made a quick diagnosis of MS, put her on massive doses of steroids and, though its much more complicated, I'm sure...in a nutshell...she proceeded to fall into a coma for the next few years, progressively getting worse and worse. This was the beginning of a nightmare for the entire family.
I know you've noticed on my profile, one of the blogs is "the starving of Terri Schiavo" This tragic situation brought back vivid memories of what we went through with Keri. In fact, those videos we saw all over TV? They looked EXACTLY like Keri in the early days of her illness. Worse than just the overall memories and video reminders was the horror of looking into Keri's face, and swearing we saw life...when all the experts swore it just wasn't there...that her responses and eye contact were all merely reflexes. I'm telling you, when I heard that Dr. death, who sealed Terri's death warrant, spew his propaganda that her responses (we clearly saw) to her mother were no different than "fingernails growing" I felt like snatching him through that television screen...ripping out his heart...and ...(oops) Ok, in a "Christian" loving sort of way:):):)
Seriusly, the whole Terri Schiavo thing still haunts me, as we now know that all these leading neurologists and other so called "experts" in Keri's case were wrong and we DID see life, recognition and awareness. She WAS responding, in complete opposition to what we were being told. Keri was also feeling pain when we were told that she absolutely felt nothing. How do we know???? Keri "told" us. How? #1, Keri didn't have a husband bent on killing her and #2, she had parents who fought relentlessly for their daughter, despite what "experts" were telling them. AND...despite the humiliating, condescending attitude of SOME (not ALL) med professionals who said things to my sister like "we're worried about you" "you're being selfish" "let her go" "you're in DENIAL"...and one who actually slammed his fist on the table to Dee's request that he might try something else. "You're going to have to face it!!! Your daughter came here to die!!" He yelled.
So what happened? Well, this is a really short version, but, after winning a court order to have her seen by a doctor,3 states away, willing to re evaluate her, she was taken...stiff and in the fetal position, by ambulance. Upon re evaluation, she was taken off steroids completely, re treated for LYME's Disease and began to respond. Of course it's been a very, very long road to the point she's at now. At first she "spoke" through a computer. But...even though she could only make noises at that time, I was astounded how much of Keri was in there...when I asked her about her treatments and asked "what are you learning?" She looked right at me, touched her screen and the mechanical, computerized voice quipped "STOP SLOBBERING" We all cracked up and she just threw her head back laughing.
Keri laughs a lot. That's the thing we could understand about the Terri Schiavo case, that just didn't come through in the news. The thing that made it so sad. They were judging everything on who she had been. We know by experience, that Keri, although still confined to a wheelchair and is difficult to understand, loves her life. I remember watching her, interacting with her, thinking..."God is so amazing...there is something about the human make-up that will adjust and allow contentment in the most extreme things." While no one would specifically ask to be in such a state, we have an incredible desire to live...with anything." I think it's love. Suddenly, things get way less complicated and it seems, in Keri's case, at least that the joy of the simple things sustains. She brings as much joy to all of us close to her. I believe God teaches love at it's deepest level when we are able to serve one another in our need. There are gentle intimacies and tenderness we could not experience any other way. What if we were all strong and all our needs were met? We think THAT would make us happy, but, I don't know....I fear that would make us all so self-consumed, I'm thinking we'd be unfit to be around.
That's what I found so heartbreaking & disturbing about the Schiavo case. The mom clearly knew the "new Terri" in all her simple need. She had the motherly instinct to care for her, protect her at her weakest but...was legally banned from it. By court order, she could not even so much as put an ice chip on her daughter's lips as they dried from lack of hydration. You know, in a normal hospice situation, they would never keep water and hydration from a person, it's way too uncomfortable and it would not prevent the death, because they were really dying. In this case, the lack of water was the 'cause of death.' It's still unbelievable to me that this could happen.
That whole thing just makes everyone in the family appreciate Keri all the more. Oh..I know there will always be those who look at her, as they did Terri Schiavo and say..."Sheesh, I wouldn't want to live like that." But...unless you've been there, you just don't know...you just don't know.
Anyway, I hope both of you...(that is how many of you read this, isn't it??) Hi JOJO! have a great weekend!
I know you've noticed on my profile, one of the blogs is "the starving of Terri Schiavo" This tragic situation brought back vivid memories of what we went through with Keri. In fact, those videos we saw all over TV? They looked EXACTLY like Keri in the early days of her illness. Worse than just the overall memories and video reminders was the horror of looking into Keri's face, and swearing we saw life...when all the experts swore it just wasn't there...that her responses and eye contact were all merely reflexes. I'm telling you, when I heard that Dr. death, who sealed Terri's death warrant, spew his propaganda that her responses (we clearly saw) to her mother were no different than "fingernails growing" I felt like snatching him through that television screen...ripping out his heart...and ...(oops) Ok, in a "Christian" loving sort of way:):):)
Seriusly, the whole Terri Schiavo thing still haunts me, as we now know that all these leading neurologists and other so called "experts" in Keri's case were wrong and we DID see life, recognition and awareness. She WAS responding, in complete opposition to what we were being told. Keri was also feeling pain when we were told that she absolutely felt nothing. How do we know???? Keri "told" us. How? #1, Keri didn't have a husband bent on killing her and #2, she had parents who fought relentlessly for their daughter, despite what "experts" were telling them. AND...despite the humiliating, condescending attitude of SOME (not ALL) med professionals who said things to my sister like "we're worried about you" "you're being selfish" "let her go" "you're in DENIAL"...and one who actually slammed his fist on the table to Dee's request that he might try something else. "You're going to have to face it!!! Your daughter came here to die!!" He yelled.
So what happened? Well, this is a really short version, but, after winning a court order to have her seen by a doctor,3 states away, willing to re evaluate her, she was taken...stiff and in the fetal position, by ambulance. Upon re evaluation, she was taken off steroids completely, re treated for LYME's Disease and began to respond. Of course it's been a very, very long road to the point she's at now. At first she "spoke" through a computer. But...even though she could only make noises at that time, I was astounded how much of Keri was in there...when I asked her about her treatments and asked "what are you learning?" She looked right at me, touched her screen and the mechanical, computerized voice quipped "STOP SLOBBERING" We all cracked up and she just threw her head back laughing.
Keri laughs a lot. That's the thing we could understand about the Terri Schiavo case, that just didn't come through in the news. The thing that made it so sad. They were judging everything on who she had been. We know by experience, that Keri, although still confined to a wheelchair and is difficult to understand, loves her life. I remember watching her, interacting with her, thinking..."God is so amazing...there is something about the human make-up that will adjust and allow contentment in the most extreme things." While no one would specifically ask to be in such a state, we have an incredible desire to live...with anything." I think it's love. Suddenly, things get way less complicated and it seems, in Keri's case, at least that the joy of the simple things sustains. She brings as much joy to all of us close to her. I believe God teaches love at it's deepest level when we are able to serve one another in our need. There are gentle intimacies and tenderness we could not experience any other way. What if we were all strong and all our needs were met? We think THAT would make us happy, but, I don't know....I fear that would make us all so self-consumed, I'm thinking we'd be unfit to be around.
That's what I found so heartbreaking & disturbing about the Schiavo case. The mom clearly knew the "new Terri" in all her simple need. She had the motherly instinct to care for her, protect her at her weakest but...was legally banned from it. By court order, she could not even so much as put an ice chip on her daughter's lips as they dried from lack of hydration. You know, in a normal hospice situation, they would never keep water and hydration from a person, it's way too uncomfortable and it would not prevent the death, because they were really dying. In this case, the lack of water was the 'cause of death.' It's still unbelievable to me that this could happen.
That whole thing just makes everyone in the family appreciate Keri all the more. Oh..I know there will always be those who look at her, as they did Terri Schiavo and say..."Sheesh, I wouldn't want to live like that." But...unless you've been there, you just don't know...you just don't know.
Anyway, I hope both of you...(that is how many of you read this, isn't it??) Hi JOJO! have a great weekend!
Tuesday, June 07, 2005
Couple of things!
Thought I was over all the 'addictions' in my life, but...think I can now add 'blogging' to the list. Does anyone else have this problem? Keep thinking "Sheesh, where does all my time go?" Then I wonder (only for a second) if I wouldn't be a lot more productive without spending so much time on this computer? Honestly, even if I can't put two thoughts together for my own post...it's hard to believe how time flies while reading others. Maybe it's the same thing that attracts us to 'reality TV - It's like "reality-computer" or something.
Today my problem isn't what to write, it's too much to write, so I'll try to "focus." Something I'm not good at and getting worse with age:) Or maybe it's this so-called Fibro-my-foot, sorry...myalgia...if I believed that stuff...anyway, I'd really like some input on a couple things;
#1 I'm waiting to go back to the doctor with my middle son. He's 23, been sick most of his life. Not serious, deadly sick, but..ear infections. Respiratory stuff, sinus infections, just all over flu-like things. I've been sick a lot too, since Hepatitus C...Interferon injection treatments, so out of sheer desperation, and tons of doctors who prescribe mega antibiotics, anti-depressants, anti-anxiety, anti-siezure, arthritis, steroids & pain meds...just all kinds of hit or miss 'try this" try that, etc, etc, etc, So...we tried diet...which does sort of make you feel better, but...it's depressing to think of never being able to eat bread or yeast/gluten products or taste another thing with sugar in it. Read the backs of everything...what doesn't have some of that stuff in it?
Anyway...a friend has been telling me about this doctor that does accupuncture treatments for allergies. It's GUARANTEED to "pinpoint" (no pun intended) your allergies and rid your body of them. We like to say round here that some things "sound the KA-KA alert!" This seemed like one of those things. BUT...my poor kid has suffered so often and so badly with ear aches, swolen sinuses and all over flu-like achiness (he's had tubes in his ears 3 X and he's lived on antibiotics all of his life, which seem to be absolutely worthless) that today, we sucked it up and went to see this doctor. She tested him (by this computer-machine) and he's very, very allergic to molds and GLUTEN...we had to come home, gather samples of things he's eating containing wheat, gluten, etc. and she's going to give him his first treatment this evening. SO...we'll see.
Ok, we went and not only has he been questioning himself on being desperate enough to go with these 'strange' treatments, but THEN poor thing had to explain it to the rest of the family. Everybody is so sceptical, they're not making it easy. Guess only time will tell. Meanwhile, next treatment is on Thursday.
Anyway...thing number two will have to wait...can't keep my eyes open...and spent way too much time reading how many "naughty's" were sent to "time-out" on another blog. I'm not going to go there tomorrow, I'm not going to go there tomorrow....I'm not...
Today my problem isn't what to write, it's too much to write, so I'll try to "focus." Something I'm not good at and getting worse with age:) Or maybe it's this so-called Fibro-my-foot, sorry...myalgia...if I believed that stuff...anyway, I'd really like some input on a couple things;
#1 I'm waiting to go back to the doctor with my middle son. He's 23, been sick most of his life. Not serious, deadly sick, but..ear infections. Respiratory stuff, sinus infections, just all over flu-like things. I've been sick a lot too, since Hepatitus C...Interferon injection treatments, so out of sheer desperation, and tons of doctors who prescribe mega antibiotics, anti-depressants, anti-anxiety, anti-siezure, arthritis, steroids & pain meds...just all kinds of hit or miss 'try this" try that, etc, etc, etc, So...we tried diet...which does sort of make you feel better, but...it's depressing to think of never being able to eat bread or yeast/gluten products or taste another thing with sugar in it. Read the backs of everything...what doesn't have some of that stuff in it?
Anyway...a friend has been telling me about this doctor that does accupuncture treatments for allergies. It's GUARANTEED to "pinpoint" (no pun intended) your allergies and rid your body of them. We like to say round here that some things "sound the KA-KA alert!" This seemed like one of those things. BUT...my poor kid has suffered so often and so badly with ear aches, swolen sinuses and all over flu-like achiness (he's had tubes in his ears 3 X and he's lived on antibiotics all of his life, which seem to be absolutely worthless) that today, we sucked it up and went to see this doctor. She tested him (by this computer-machine) and he's very, very allergic to molds and GLUTEN...we had to come home, gather samples of things he's eating containing wheat, gluten, etc. and she's going to give him his first treatment this evening. SO...we'll see.
Ok, we went and not only has he been questioning himself on being desperate enough to go with these 'strange' treatments, but THEN poor thing had to explain it to the rest of the family. Everybody is so sceptical, they're not making it easy. Guess only time will tell. Meanwhile, next treatment is on Thursday.
Anyway...thing number two will have to wait...can't keep my eyes open...and spent way too much time reading how many "naughty's" were sent to "time-out" on another blog. I'm not going to go there tomorrow, I'm not going to go there tomorrow....I'm not...
Saturday, June 04, 2005
Another Rainy day in Virginia
Singing at a graduation ceremony today...outside. The weather is nasty and my throat hurts. Does it sound like I'm whining? I am. Looking forward to tomorrow, Joseph is speaking at church. This is the guy I talked about in another post. "Real Christianity" Also tomorrow is my first day at going into "medical" at the jail. Not really sure what to expect, but heard that some of the inmates in "medical" are there for mental health issues...even suicidal. Have to admit...feeling a little apprehensive...(but, also passionate)
We'll see how it goes. Post more later...
We'll see how it goes. Post more later...
Wednesday, June 01, 2005
Defined By Love
In an earlier post, "What's Your Story?" I was talking about the "stories" of our lives and how our life experiences not only form our opinions of the world around us, but wind up defining "who" we are. It's true; our self-concept is basically acquired during childhood. Children left alone, watching things, people and family become very self-focused. Without the truth or reality that we are part of something larger, we are consumed with our own thoughts, and thoughts focused solely on self will be destructive; I am worthless, useless and everything is MY fault. Some of us will be totally controlled by the opinions of others. Some of us will worship human approval - BUT...no matter how much we get, or how much we're loved by another person, it's never enough.
This is the truth in every human being; our thoughts precede and determine our behavior and our emotions. In other words, a person cannot truly change by simply altering their behavior. WE may DO things differently, but inside, we remain the same. You know what else determines our behavior? Our wants and desires. We learn very early what we want/desire and will DO what it takes to GET it. In that book, THE SACRED ROMANCE, (talked about it in the earlier post)John Eldridge, the author, challenges the reader that no matter how difficult or awful our past is, we can each find something that inspired or moved us. Something...a scene in a movie, the words of a song, the memory of a special person attracted us because of the built in craving to be loved, to be accepted. Built in because we're born with it. Created with it by God who is also the only One who can fill it.
It's true; our heart/soul/spirit was meant to focus solely on GOD, which brings complete peace, wholeness...satisfaction, etc. We, however, (even Christians) would rather focus on anything but. Even if we struggle through the more destructive wants and desires with more blatant consequences...we are constantly realizing new ones...that daggone need to be right, craving to be respected and approved of will creep up on the 'religious' of the religious. In fact, all this had an incredible impact on my relationship with my mom. Here I am a grown woman, able to speak to crowds, minister to other women... coming so far in healing and growing so strong in faith, yet one nasty word from my mother could set me back so far, so fast it could make my head swim. Then I'd beat myself up for striking back defensively. What a vicious cycle...til learning the root of it. The root being; the need for respect and approval from my mother was much stronger or more powerful than my need or focus on God.
What a breakthrough, before looking fully at the truth, I found that I'd do or say whatever it took to avoid confrontation with her. It became even easier to avoid her altogether. This is relationship based on a lie. Lies bind; truth frees! In John 8:32, Jesus says "Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free." This is the 'good news' of the gospel; Jesus said about himself that He was sent to "proclaim freedom for the prisoners and recovery of sight for the blind and to release the oppressed..." When I could truly confront myself with truth; my own obsession or insatiable desire to be loved (my way) by her, it was absolute freedom. I was able to finally face this relationship through the filter of God's love for both of us and see her as a fellow human being with her own struggles, fears and issues.
Anyway, back in the "Stories" post, I described a picture of myself, dressed for Halloween as Wilma Flintstone, puffing on a cigarette with a huge poster on the wall that read; "S$#t happens" a perfect illustration of one who found themselves defined by the messages of the world. I thought I had life all figured out and it was bleak.
BUT...I'm here to tell ya, I was wrong! Life is not a random set of circumstances. S#$T doesn't just happen! I was looking for hope in everything but God, but everything else dissapoints. Every detail, every experience of life is orchestrated. The God who made us directs and guides, leading eventually to the place where where our faith will rest totally in Him. Yet, this picture of "Wilma" was a person who'd come many times to that place of dissapointment, hopelessness, and despair and instead of calling out to the One who says "Come to me all you who are burdened and I will give you rest"...to the One who offered life to the full, who offered a hope and a future" Instead...I'd pick myself up, dust myself off and vow...NEVER to be hurt again...each time shutting off my heart a little more...
How bout you? When you really think about it, how do you define yourself? By the messages of your experiences with others, the hurt, the anger, the disappointment? As Christians, we cross this invisible but powerful line that says we're to be defined by the truth; That truth will set you free. What is truth? It's found in the love letter to you, written by the One who made you..."You are precious in my sight" "I have loved you with an everlasting love" "I knew you before you were formed" The most freeing truth? You're forgiven and you can start brand new. There's nothing like it, no other religion offers such an incredible gift. I have a friend who insists that SHE can't be forgiven. "God so loved THE WORLD that He gave His only begotten Son..." you know the rest. That's HUGE...yet, my friend says SHE can't be forgiven. What she's really saying is that she's taken a look at what she percieves as "church people" and she can't be like them or accepted by them. I know, I had that same hopeless perception. BUT...I was excited to find that Christianity was not Potlucks, Sunday socials, political opinions and fundraisers...It's life or death. We're called to hope in an "unseen" world that's bigger and more impacting than the world we CAN see. We're invited to know the "unknowable". You cannot look at "The Cross" and deny that you are loved fiercely by God, no matter what your story.
This is the truth in every human being; our thoughts precede and determine our behavior and our emotions. In other words, a person cannot truly change by simply altering their behavior. WE may DO things differently, but inside, we remain the same. You know what else determines our behavior? Our wants and desires. We learn very early what we want/desire and will DO what it takes to GET it. In that book, THE SACRED ROMANCE, (talked about it in the earlier post)John Eldridge, the author, challenges the reader that no matter how difficult or awful our past is, we can each find something that inspired or moved us. Something...a scene in a movie, the words of a song, the memory of a special person attracted us because of the built in craving to be loved, to be accepted. Built in because we're born with it. Created with it by God who is also the only One who can fill it.
It's true; our heart/soul/spirit was meant to focus solely on GOD, which brings complete peace, wholeness...satisfaction, etc. We, however, (even Christians) would rather focus on anything but. Even if we struggle through the more destructive wants and desires with more blatant consequences...we are constantly realizing new ones...that daggone need to be right, craving to be respected and approved of will creep up on the 'religious' of the religious. In fact, all this had an incredible impact on my relationship with my mom. Here I am a grown woman, able to speak to crowds, minister to other women... coming so far in healing and growing so strong in faith, yet one nasty word from my mother could set me back so far, so fast it could make my head swim. Then I'd beat myself up for striking back defensively. What a vicious cycle...til learning the root of it. The root being; the need for respect and approval from my mother was much stronger or more powerful than my need or focus on God.
What a breakthrough, before looking fully at the truth, I found that I'd do or say whatever it took to avoid confrontation with her. It became even easier to avoid her altogether. This is relationship based on a lie. Lies bind; truth frees! In John 8:32, Jesus says "Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free." This is the 'good news' of the gospel; Jesus said about himself that He was sent to "proclaim freedom for the prisoners and recovery of sight for the blind and to release the oppressed..." When I could truly confront myself with truth; my own obsession or insatiable desire to be loved (my way) by her, it was absolute freedom. I was able to finally face this relationship through the filter of God's love for both of us and see her as a fellow human being with her own struggles, fears and issues.
Anyway, back in the "Stories" post, I described a picture of myself, dressed for Halloween as Wilma Flintstone, puffing on a cigarette with a huge poster on the wall that read; "S$#t happens" a perfect illustration of one who found themselves defined by the messages of the world. I thought I had life all figured out and it was bleak.
BUT...I'm here to tell ya, I was wrong! Life is not a random set of circumstances. S#$T doesn't just happen! I was looking for hope in everything but God, but everything else dissapoints. Every detail, every experience of life is orchestrated. The God who made us directs and guides, leading eventually to the place where where our faith will rest totally in Him. Yet, this picture of "Wilma" was a person who'd come many times to that place of dissapointment, hopelessness, and despair and instead of calling out to the One who says "Come to me all you who are burdened and I will give you rest"...to the One who offered life to the full, who offered a hope and a future" Instead...I'd pick myself up, dust myself off and vow...NEVER to be hurt again...each time shutting off my heart a little more...
How bout you? When you really think about it, how do you define yourself? By the messages of your experiences with others, the hurt, the anger, the disappointment? As Christians, we cross this invisible but powerful line that says we're to be defined by the truth; That truth will set you free. What is truth? It's found in the love letter to you, written by the One who made you..."You are precious in my sight" "I have loved you with an everlasting love" "I knew you before you were formed" The most freeing truth? You're forgiven and you can start brand new. There's nothing like it, no other religion offers such an incredible gift. I have a friend who insists that SHE can't be forgiven. "God so loved THE WORLD that He gave His only begotten Son..." you know the rest. That's HUGE...yet, my friend says SHE can't be forgiven. What she's really saying is that she's taken a look at what she percieves as "church people" and she can't be like them or accepted by them. I know, I had that same hopeless perception. BUT...I was excited to find that Christianity was not Potlucks, Sunday socials, political opinions and fundraisers...It's life or death. We're called to hope in an "unseen" world that's bigger and more impacting than the world we CAN see. We're invited to know the "unknowable". You cannot look at "The Cross" and deny that you are loved fiercely by God, no matter what your story.
Tuesday, May 31, 2005
Memorial Day!
Memorial Day weekend is probably no different in Fairview Beach, where I live, than any other part of the country...the official kickoff of summer. Only we live in a small (two hundred homes or so) "beach/water community" so it's like people are sitting with boats already attached to their cars, watching, waiting for the end of the grey, dismal and isolating cloud of winter to the bright, cheery and social sunny days of summer.
This Memorial Day was a little different for many of us though. An incredibly loved and well-known young man from our county lost his life this past year in Iraq. Sadly, just a few days before Christmas, as Job says in the bible "The thing we feared, came upon us" when one of ours was included in the 22 victims of the first suicide bomber to penetrate a US army base Mess Hall in Mosul, Iraq. Suddenly, the war was personal and what seemed like the entire county joined together over the next few days at prayer vigils and memorials for 20 year old Nicholas Mason.
So, before picking up all the trimmings for our own Memorial Day cookout, Julie (my daughter) and I paid our respects at the families memorial for their son carved out of a wooded lot on their property. A place where he loved to play now bears a headstone with a picture of Nick standing on the bumper of an army vehicle. His dad said he was singing something while behind him a cache of discovered weapons is being blown up. It's really an awesome picture. It was so hard to hold back the tears as we were warmly welcomed and thanked by Nicks mom & dad. I don't think any parent could not imagine themselves being in these shoes.
We went on to grab stuff for the traditional hot-dog and hamburger fest. OUr kids invited some friends over and it ocurred to me that two of the four young people who came to our house last night have been to Iraq, so it was hard to celebrate Memorial Day, without truly considering, probably for truly the first time, what this day was meant to be. As we laughed and enjoyed the conversation and stories, I couldn't help but think that we only have the freedom to celebrate because of the sacrifices of so many soldiers and their families in these relatively short hundreds of years.
It's hard not to feel helpless when you dwell on it too much. About a month ago, I stumbled on "www.soldiersangels.com" Guess I was looking for a way to support the troops and wound up "adopting" Rachel, a young female soldier stationed in Al Ramadi, Iraq. I was excited to get to know her and send her care packages, etc... but, admit to feeling a little tinge of panic or fear when she sent pictures of herself and her friends there with her. Laughing, joking around, celebrating a buddy's birthday, my God, they're just kids...you forget. Guess it's easier not to dwell on it or see these numbers on the ticker tape running across the screen on the news and not be moved. Her pictures definately make it more personal. She says she's probably going to be there til Christmas, I think. I pray she'll be going home safe.
Well, just wanted to share my thoughts on Memorial Day. And say "thank you" to Nick's parents. You gave it all! "Greater love has no one than this; that He lay down his life for his friends."
This Memorial Day was a little different for many of us though. An incredibly loved and well-known young man from our county lost his life this past year in Iraq. Sadly, just a few days before Christmas, as Job says in the bible "The thing we feared, came upon us" when one of ours was included in the 22 victims of the first suicide bomber to penetrate a US army base Mess Hall in Mosul, Iraq. Suddenly, the war was personal and what seemed like the entire county joined together over the next few days at prayer vigils and memorials for 20 year old Nicholas Mason.
So, before picking up all the trimmings for our own Memorial Day cookout, Julie (my daughter) and I paid our respects at the families memorial for their son carved out of a wooded lot on their property. A place where he loved to play now bears a headstone with a picture of Nick standing on the bumper of an army vehicle. His dad said he was singing something while behind him a cache of discovered weapons is being blown up. It's really an awesome picture. It was so hard to hold back the tears as we were warmly welcomed and thanked by Nicks mom & dad. I don't think any parent could not imagine themselves being in these shoes.
We went on to grab stuff for the traditional hot-dog and hamburger fest. OUr kids invited some friends over and it ocurred to me that two of the four young people who came to our house last night have been to Iraq, so it was hard to celebrate Memorial Day, without truly considering, probably for truly the first time, what this day was meant to be. As we laughed and enjoyed the conversation and stories, I couldn't help but think that we only have the freedom to celebrate because of the sacrifices of so many soldiers and their families in these relatively short hundreds of years.
It's hard not to feel helpless when you dwell on it too much. About a month ago, I stumbled on "www.soldiersangels.com" Guess I was looking for a way to support the troops and wound up "adopting" Rachel, a young female soldier stationed in Al Ramadi, Iraq. I was excited to get to know her and send her care packages, etc... but, admit to feeling a little tinge of panic or fear when she sent pictures of herself and her friends there with her. Laughing, joking around, celebrating a buddy's birthday, my God, they're just kids...you forget. Guess it's easier not to dwell on it or see these numbers on the ticker tape running across the screen on the news and not be moved. Her pictures definately make it more personal. She says she's probably going to be there til Christmas, I think. I pray she'll be going home safe.
Well, just wanted to share my thoughts on Memorial Day. And say "thank you" to Nick's parents. You gave it all! "Greater love has no one than this; that He lay down his life for his friends."
Friday, May 20, 2005
It's almost June and STILL Freezing!
What is up with this weather? It feels more like the North Pole than Virginia. Sitting here with socks & sweats with a jacket and I'm still cold. I don't think it's ever going to get warm. I was looking for something to wear to a wedding and gravitated toward the winter clothes. Just thinking about wearing one of those little chiffon-looking dresses gave me goose bumps. I haven't bought a dress, or worn one for that matter, in so long...they all look like nightgowns or lingerie. I asked a salesgirl if she had anything to go under this cute little blue jacket. She handed me a multi-colored silk camisole topped with 2 inches of black lace. As I'm looking around, I realize they all look like that. "Do you have anything that doesn't look like I'm wearing my underwear?" I asked her. "Not much." I think I've been out of the loop as far as clothes go.
Well, I'd hoped to post a continuation...or conclusion of the previous post. Learning about being defined by the messages of others helped me understand why I think the way I think and feel the way I feel. The best news for me was to realize through faith in Christ, I can move on from the wounds and painful messages of others...
Anyway...as usual, so much to write...so little time. We're leaving in the morning for New Jersey, so won't get back to it til Monday. Enjoy the weekend. Hope it warms up...til then, I'm
Still..."Freezing in VA" :)
Well, I'd hoped to post a continuation...or conclusion of the previous post. Learning about being defined by the messages of others helped me understand why I think the way I think and feel the way I feel. The best news for me was to realize through faith in Christ, I can move on from the wounds and painful messages of others...
Anyway...as usual, so much to write...so little time. We're leaving in the morning for New Jersey, so won't get back to it til Monday. Enjoy the weekend. Hope it warms up...til then, I'm
Still..."Freezing in VA" :)
Tuesday, May 17, 2005
What's Your Story?
If you read the previous post, you might have already figured out that the little girl in the story was based on my own experiences growing up. Explosive outbursts of violence with more than one of the step-fathers of our childhoods were pretty much the norm and caused more hellish and chaotic nights than it seems that kids (my brothers and sister) should have to endure.
In his book, the Sacred Romance, John Eldridge basically said that everyone of us are in the middle of this huge 'epic'. He used the two little dwarves, elves...whatever those little guys in the "Lord of the Rings" are to illustrate: They'd just been through harrowing adventures and lost their beloved mentor when one makes the comment to the other something to the effect of "I wonder what sort of tale we've been dropped into?" It's like he just knew they were in the middle of something way bigger than themselves. The author then asks the reader; how about you? Do you feel that life is just a random series of circumstances and events or are we a part of a grander design, in the middle of an incredible story?
I guess I always thought that life was some random series of 'gloom' doom and bad "luck of the draw", karma or something. I remember saying on more than one occasion, "I must have done something bad in another life to deserve this mess." What the author went on to say is that we are molded or 'defined' by the messages of those closest to us. For me, right off the bat, my father's abandonment before I was even born handed down this feeling of insignificance & worthlessness. I mean if the father who conceived you didn't want you or love you, then why would anyone else? Along the way, my mom's own desperate quest for love & relationships became fiercely violent and abusive. Do you know what living in fear of explosive outbursts, that could suddenly and unexpectedly come out of nowhere, for no apparent reason will do to a kid or the adult that kid becomes? It develops a sort of "survival mentality" where you live fearful and distrustful of other people, always aware of a 'real' or percieved threat from another. You learn at a very young age, that you are not safe. Living with violence and the result of it brings such inconsistancy that you learn to compensate for the fact that there's really no on you can count on!
And that's just the childhood. All that stuff continues to grow and maybe you'll marry the same exact person and live the same exact life...or....you'll vow to live differently. Intend to stay married and live happily ever after. Boy is there a rude awakening! Quick! Many of us put way, way too much hope in a relationship. For me, never developing any sense of worth or significance left me vulnerable to the men in my life and subject to their reactions or approval. In other words, when they were pleased with me, life was good and I was happy. When they were angry, moody or abusive, it MUST be my fault, so life takes a nosedive. When you think about it, suppose the 'other' in the relationship never develops a sense of significance or worth either? What a mess! It's almost inevitable, you wind up feeling betrayed and disappointed. Where does that lead? Well, if you're like most, you wise up and really "see the writing on THIS wall;" there really is NO ONE you can count on. Anger, resentment, bitterness settle in and maybe not consiously, but as far as your heart is concerned, you make this VOW to never leave yourself vulnerable or trust again and maybe you don't leave physically, but, the protective wall of cynicism and sarcasm becomes inpenetratable. There is this picture I have of myself, when I worked in the beauty salon. It was halloween and I'm dressed as Wilma Flinstone, a big puff of white smoke in front of my face, from the cigarette I just took a drag of. A huge red sign hangs on the wall right behind me. In giant bold white letters it reads; S&%* Happens! What a perfect illustration of the resignation that this is as good as it gets and I'm powerless to change it.
The author calls this resignation a "loss of heart." Phychiatrists call it various forms of depression. We have more programs, medications and 'how-to' self-help manuals to deal with this stuff today than ever before and still the problem grows. He explains first that the "heart" is the very center of our being. It's where all of thoughts, motives, emotions and attitudes stem from. Its how we think what we think, feel what we feel. When the heart is deluged and crowded with all these abuses, betrayals, bad memories....all messages that we've allowed to define us, it can almost be tricked into believing that's who we are. BUT...in between, for every single one of us, no matter how bad life has treated us, there are these tiny sparks of inspiration sprinkled throughout our past. For me, it was a "mommom and Poppop" (grandma & grandpa) who I adored spending time with. Sometimes, in the chaos of our life, I'd wind up temporarily living with them. Poppop would rock with laughter when I would try and con them. I'd ask one for milk money when the other had just given it to me. My grandpa thought that was cute and I knew without a doubt, I delighted him. Mommom was stern and didn't laugh much, but there was something about her touch, her taking me shopping, laying out my clothes or walking me to school that provided a security I wasn't always used to. Later,in my high school years, there was a teacher, Miss L, who saw beyond the hooking school, coming to class high, the lack of participation and to my complete and utter surprise, took an interest in my life, encouraged me and remains a dear friend today.
In a day when TV choices were few, I can remember the impact of programs and movies. Admiring the seemingly normalcy of TV families and couples. I know it was fantasy, but I remember it brought an escape and hope that people didn't all live like we were living. An English class field trip to see "Romeo & Juliet" left me with unforgetable memories. This passionate fairy tale about two lovers willing to die rather than live without each other motivated all the girls in the class to read every detail of the two young actors. We wanted so badly to believe it was possible. Then there's the old Shirley Temple movies...remember them? When the "Little Princess" found her daddy. When "Heidi" found her grandpa. When the "Little Colonal" got her parents back together...I could go on and on. BUT...my point? The author's point? Every one of us have these passions, desires and desperate need to be needed, wanted and loved. The "Loss of heart" that many experience today is the hopelessness when we conclude with resignation that beyond the struggles and lifelong search for what we say is dignity, validation, happiness or justice, this; is as good as it gets.
Where does that come from? Where did we get these desires in the first place? You were born with them. We were all born with them. God Himself created you with the incredible desire to be loved. If we're honest, we all are desperately attracted to stories of unconditional, fulfilled love. We're drawn to reconciled relationships and passionate romances. Some will never admit that no matter where we come from, how bad life has treated us, we somehow just know this is true, in fact, I remember seeing something on Oprah and hearing her tell a guest that she couldn't remember one good thing about her childhood. But..this woman makes her living on knowing what jerks and tugs at heartstrings. Did she just figure that out on her own? No, she had to first figure out what moved and inspired her own heart. Did that originate with her? No, she just didn't fall into some magical formula that worked to make her millions. Oprah is a gazillionare because we were created to be inspired and moved by love. BUT...He's also the ONLY ONE who can fulfill that desire...and we would rather look anywhere else but God.
So...how about you? I'd love to hear your thoughts on this. What's your story. I know one woman whose life was consumed and defined by the haunting words of her own mother telling her she was ugly and unwanted. She has since reconciled with God, and realizes that her mom was mentally ill, merely hanging on by a thread with her own desperate struggles. What were your messages? How is your life defined?
In his book, the Sacred Romance, John Eldridge basically said that everyone of us are in the middle of this huge 'epic'. He used the two little dwarves, elves...whatever those little guys in the "Lord of the Rings" are to illustrate: They'd just been through harrowing adventures and lost their beloved mentor when one makes the comment to the other something to the effect of "I wonder what sort of tale we've been dropped into?" It's like he just knew they were in the middle of something way bigger than themselves. The author then asks the reader; how about you? Do you feel that life is just a random series of circumstances and events or are we a part of a grander design, in the middle of an incredible story?
I guess I always thought that life was some random series of 'gloom' doom and bad "luck of the draw", karma or something. I remember saying on more than one occasion, "I must have done something bad in another life to deserve this mess." What the author went on to say is that we are molded or 'defined' by the messages of those closest to us. For me, right off the bat, my father's abandonment before I was even born handed down this feeling of insignificance & worthlessness. I mean if the father who conceived you didn't want you or love you, then why would anyone else? Along the way, my mom's own desperate quest for love & relationships became fiercely violent and abusive. Do you know what living in fear of explosive outbursts, that could suddenly and unexpectedly come out of nowhere, for no apparent reason will do to a kid or the adult that kid becomes? It develops a sort of "survival mentality" where you live fearful and distrustful of other people, always aware of a 'real' or percieved threat from another. You learn at a very young age, that you are not safe. Living with violence and the result of it brings such inconsistancy that you learn to compensate for the fact that there's really no on you can count on!
And that's just the childhood. All that stuff continues to grow and maybe you'll marry the same exact person and live the same exact life...or....you'll vow to live differently. Intend to stay married and live happily ever after. Boy is there a rude awakening! Quick! Many of us put way, way too much hope in a relationship. For me, never developing any sense of worth or significance left me vulnerable to the men in my life and subject to their reactions or approval. In other words, when they were pleased with me, life was good and I was happy. When they were angry, moody or abusive, it MUST be my fault, so life takes a nosedive. When you think about it, suppose the 'other' in the relationship never develops a sense of significance or worth either? What a mess! It's almost inevitable, you wind up feeling betrayed and disappointed. Where does that lead? Well, if you're like most, you wise up and really "see the writing on THIS wall;" there really is NO ONE you can count on. Anger, resentment, bitterness settle in and maybe not consiously, but as far as your heart is concerned, you make this VOW to never leave yourself vulnerable or trust again and maybe you don't leave physically, but, the protective wall of cynicism and sarcasm becomes inpenetratable. There is this picture I have of myself, when I worked in the beauty salon. It was halloween and I'm dressed as Wilma Flinstone, a big puff of white smoke in front of my face, from the cigarette I just took a drag of. A huge red sign hangs on the wall right behind me. In giant bold white letters it reads; S&%* Happens! What a perfect illustration of the resignation that this is as good as it gets and I'm powerless to change it.
The author calls this resignation a "loss of heart." Phychiatrists call it various forms of depression. We have more programs, medications and 'how-to' self-help manuals to deal with this stuff today than ever before and still the problem grows. He explains first that the "heart" is the very center of our being. It's where all of thoughts, motives, emotions and attitudes stem from. Its how we think what we think, feel what we feel. When the heart is deluged and crowded with all these abuses, betrayals, bad memories....all messages that we've allowed to define us, it can almost be tricked into believing that's who we are. BUT...in between, for every single one of us, no matter how bad life has treated us, there are these tiny sparks of inspiration sprinkled throughout our past. For me, it was a "mommom and Poppop" (grandma & grandpa) who I adored spending time with. Sometimes, in the chaos of our life, I'd wind up temporarily living with them. Poppop would rock with laughter when I would try and con them. I'd ask one for milk money when the other had just given it to me. My grandpa thought that was cute and I knew without a doubt, I delighted him. Mommom was stern and didn't laugh much, but there was something about her touch, her taking me shopping, laying out my clothes or walking me to school that provided a security I wasn't always used to. Later,in my high school years, there was a teacher, Miss L, who saw beyond the hooking school, coming to class high, the lack of participation and to my complete and utter surprise, took an interest in my life, encouraged me and remains a dear friend today.
In a day when TV choices were few, I can remember the impact of programs and movies. Admiring the seemingly normalcy of TV families and couples. I know it was fantasy, but I remember it brought an escape and hope that people didn't all live like we were living. An English class field trip to see "Romeo & Juliet" left me with unforgetable memories. This passionate fairy tale about two lovers willing to die rather than live without each other motivated all the girls in the class to read every detail of the two young actors. We wanted so badly to believe it was possible. Then there's the old Shirley Temple movies...remember them? When the "Little Princess" found her daddy. When "Heidi" found her grandpa. When the "Little Colonal" got her parents back together...I could go on and on. BUT...my point? The author's point? Every one of us have these passions, desires and desperate need to be needed, wanted and loved. The "Loss of heart" that many experience today is the hopelessness when we conclude with resignation that beyond the struggles and lifelong search for what we say is dignity, validation, happiness or justice, this; is as good as it gets.
Where does that come from? Where did we get these desires in the first place? You were born with them. We were all born with them. God Himself created you with the incredible desire to be loved. If we're honest, we all are desperately attracted to stories of unconditional, fulfilled love. We're drawn to reconciled relationships and passionate romances. Some will never admit that no matter where we come from, how bad life has treated us, we somehow just know this is true, in fact, I remember seeing something on Oprah and hearing her tell a guest that she couldn't remember one good thing about her childhood. But..this woman makes her living on knowing what jerks and tugs at heartstrings. Did she just figure that out on her own? No, she had to first figure out what moved and inspired her own heart. Did that originate with her? No, she just didn't fall into some magical formula that worked to make her millions. Oprah is a gazillionare because we were created to be inspired and moved by love. BUT...He's also the ONLY ONE who can fulfill that desire...and we would rather look anywhere else but God.
So...how about you? I'd love to hear your thoughts on this. What's your story. I know one woman whose life was consumed and defined by the haunting words of her own mother telling her she was ugly and unwanted. She has since reconciled with God, and realizes that her mom was mentally ill, merely hanging on by a thread with her own desperate struggles. What were your messages? How is your life defined?
Saturday, May 14, 2005
Old Cowboys Never Die
Haven't had much time to post, so I thought maybe I'd just add some old writings. "Old Cowboys" is a story that centers around domestic violence, and the cycle of abuse, which often seems to replay itself, even with the most valient efforts to live differently.
I'll warn you now, it's kind of disturbing, but I think it's worth sharing every once in a while because, unfortunately, this is the life that many children experience daily. Maybe even someone you know would benefit, since oftentimes adults caught up in this life of violence have a difficult time realizing the effect their own behavior is having on the children in their home. And...how much of an effect it will have on the adult that child becomes.
It's dedicated to Roy Rogers and Dale Evans. As a kid, I loved seeing them on TV. They'll never know how much.
ByMelanie Sita
The Oak console flickered to life. The little girl waited patiently as panels of red, blue and green one by one appeared on the screen. Wendy thought the beautiful bright colors looked more like a giant fan, but mother told her it was supposed to be a peacock. The fancy big bird meant the program coming on was going to be in color. She was glad. Mother’s husband had been late for dinner, so she'd probably get to watch it. A heavy mixture of cough medicine and Old Spice aftershave seemed to enter the room before he did. Wendy hated that smell, and the way his voice got louder as he talked. She was almost certain he'd been drinking. Nervous, Wendy slid closer to the screen. Maybe they'd notice.
"Get out of my face," he hissed as he staggered toward to bedroom.
Please. She thought, still staring at the TV. Please, mommy, leave him alone, she wanted to beg her mother, but didn't dare.
If only they'd get mad at her, she thought, at least mommy would be safe. "Don’t sit so close to that screen, it’s gonna hurt your eyes.” They could yell at her and forget they were angry with each other.
Wendy's mother followed him, arguing. "Please, don't," she pleaded silently. She could almost hear her thumping heart. Fury exploded in an instant. Trembling, her fingers struggled to turn down the volume just slightly. Inching closer, her eyes never left the TV screen as a lone deep voice rambled introductions. Strangely comforting, a huge cowboy, dressed in blue with squinty, but friendly eyes appeared. He was wearing a tall Stetson and sequined shirt with fringes. It was Roy Rogers. (continue)
I'll warn you now, it's kind of disturbing, but I think it's worth sharing every once in a while because, unfortunately, this is the life that many children experience daily. Maybe even someone you know would benefit, since oftentimes adults caught up in this life of violence have a difficult time realizing the effect their own behavior is having on the children in their home. And...how much of an effect it will have on the adult that child becomes.
It's dedicated to Roy Rogers and Dale Evans. As a kid, I loved seeing them on TV. They'll never know how much.
ByMelanie Sita
The Oak console flickered to life. The little girl waited patiently as panels of red, blue and green one by one appeared on the screen. Wendy thought the beautiful bright colors looked more like a giant fan, but mother told her it was supposed to be a peacock. The fancy big bird meant the program coming on was going to be in color. She was glad. Mother’s husband had been late for dinner, so she'd probably get to watch it. A heavy mixture of cough medicine and Old Spice aftershave seemed to enter the room before he did. Wendy hated that smell, and the way his voice got louder as he talked. She was almost certain he'd been drinking. Nervous, Wendy slid closer to the screen. Maybe they'd notice.
"Get out of my face," he hissed as he staggered toward to bedroom.
Please. She thought, still staring at the TV. Please, mommy, leave him alone, she wanted to beg her mother, but didn't dare.
If only they'd get mad at her, she thought, at least mommy would be safe. "Don’t sit so close to that screen, it’s gonna hurt your eyes.” They could yell at her and forget they were angry with each other.
Wendy's mother followed him, arguing. "Please, don't," she pleaded silently. She could almost hear her thumping heart. Fury exploded in an instant. Trembling, her fingers struggled to turn down the volume just slightly. Inching closer, her eyes never left the TV screen as a lone deep voice rambled introductions. Strangely comforting, a huge cowboy, dressed in blue with squinty, but friendly eyes appeared. He was wearing a tall Stetson and sequined shirt with fringes. It was Roy Rogers. (continue)
Sunday, May 08, 2005
Bowling for Mother's Day!
Today, we did something I haven't done in years and years. We went bowling! and dinner at the Olive Garden in the outdoor cafe section. What a beautiful evening! Couldn't have had a better Mother's Day even if it DOES take me a week or two to recover. (This 50 year old body doesn't bounce back as easily as it used to:)
Happy Mother's Day to each and every mom who stop by!
Not sure if this will work, but, I'm going to try. We were taking camera phone pics at the Olive Garden.
I know I can paste my pics from FLikr right in the Blog. Just can't figure out how. If anybody knows, could you help?
Happy Mother's Day to each and every mom who stop by!
Not sure if this will work, but, I'm going to try. We were taking camera phone pics at the Olive Garden.
I know I can paste my pics from FLikr right in the Blog. Just can't figure out how. If anybody knows, could you help?
Saturday, May 07, 2005
Pink, Cookies and Other Differences
Wow!!! The "Bennett blog" has, to use his own words, "wacked the hornets nest."
"Why?" was one question that immediately came to mind, but...thanks, Ashley, you thought of it first. His answer? He reaches out to particular people. So...I'm guessing he expected the response, but, I gotta tell ya...just "reading" all the tension sends me back to the safety of my own 'blog'
Hmmm...I don't know if I've been called to reach out to a certain group of people. I have thought about it before...not exactly the best time to do a lot of meditating on it.... in front of about 100 women. At a retreat in New Jersey. I'd been invited to lead the music after sharing a little about myself on the first night...unfortunately, the "Pink-Cookie lady" went first. I call her that because her ministry began when she got the idea of having a cookie social one night a week at her house. She invited all the women in her neighborhood and it just grew. (mine began when we begged and groveled with the same folks who used to come to our house to party) Oh...and the pink part was because her favorite color, plus everything she had, was pink.
I could feel my heart sink as the "pink lady" began sharing about her life. She said she'd been the 'apple of her daddy's eye' She told the story of how she just loved riding in her dad's pink cadillac. He was so proud of her. In fact she and her sisters all knew they were so special to their daddy, he would comb their hair. The beloved little girls to leave would leave their shoes out at night...and he'd clean them.
It got worse. Flipping around a huge poster, she shared that the knight (that's what I said...a life-size pic of a guy in a suit of armor) was the young man that would "ask for her hand." Taking her to a real castle, he got on his knees....but...guess what? He didn't warn her, so she wasn't dressed like the princess she always dreamed of and...This" she shared, "would be one of the first of many disappointments ahead."
"Was she kidding?" I thought. I met the father of my third child in a bar, after too many drinks. Besides a son from my first marriage, I was the single mother of a newborn at home. I just didn't seem to do anything the 'right' way. This woman was the epitome of perfection. Was this some kind of joke? By the time it was my turn, I felt totally inadequate.
"You know what?" I asked the women when it was my turn. "If I was God...and you oughtta be real glad I'm not...but, if I was. I'd probably send me to people I could relate to... maybe...to 'rehabs, recovery centers, physciatric hospitals, PRISON...but, no...where does God send me? To the most terrifying place imaginable...a room full of "church ladies."
They laughed. Why'd they laugh? Because half of them knew what I meant. They were scared of 'church ladies' too...and didn't consider themselves to be one of them. Anyway, after I shared my own daddy story...or...lack of daddy story...or too many "daddies" story, I sat down and wondered how in the world God would work this out. We seemed to come from different planets; me and the "Pink Cookie Lady" speaker.
I realized alot about myself that weekend. First of all, how much I still had to work out. I could probably take nails scraping slowly across a blackboard than someone...a grown woman... talking about how precious she was to her father. I was there to lead others in openly worshipping God, when to be honest, I could feel the critical hairs standing on end and the proverbial arms beginning to fold. When the Pink Princess brought out a...a...."tierra", sheer panic set in. We were to pass it around the room after wearing the dainty little crown, representing our own 'princesshood.' "God, you've got to be kidding!" I prayed and sweated it out, but thank goodness I was passed over.
Our differences were so extreme that it was difficult to see the point of our leading this thing together. She began to tell us all about her dissent into darkness when her "knight" wasn't as willing to clean her shoes or do some of the other things her daddy did to make her feel so special.
Give me a break. Good grief, how would she deal with having a father who'd leave before she was even born? How about the violence, chaos and other wierd things a parade of men would add to her childhood? I wondered how she'd have dealt with unfaithfulness, rejection and abuse, not to mention years of a crushing, chronic illness....and.... Wait a minute. What was I doing? Letting my blasted pride run rampant, that's what! Yep...I learned more about what was still lurking in my own heart than I really cared to know. Suddenly the Pink Cookie lady described how resentment and anger deepened with each new disappointment. Unable to overcome festering bitterness, her life became gripped by a paralyzing depression.
That weekend, I was there at that retreat to lead others in worship to a God, who I loved and served because of His unconditional love. One of the greatest attributes I am able to share with others is the fact that God does not look on us as others do, but looks deep into our hearts. In other words, He doesn't compare us to one another...doesn't measure us by the standards we constantly hold each other to, yet, you know what? I was sitting there, doing just that! The Creator of the universe loved the Pink Cookie Lady wholly and unconditionally, yet, I viewed her through a hard heart that somehow felt her pain wasn't as valid as mine...or the things that brought this woman's world crashing down somehow shouldn't, concluding that her trials were piddly next to my own.
Yep, I learned alot that weekend. I learned that suffering is suffering. Hurt is hurt. The disappointment that would cripple the Pink Cookie lady, was no less painful to her than the abuse and rejection that brought me to a place where life didn't seem worth living. God had met us both in those places.
I finished the last music set and was thinking how despite the initial worrying, I was getting more comfortable....then suddenly..."Oh Geez, the speaker was wearing a "birthday cake" hat on her head. She had little gifts for everyone who celebrated a birthday that weekend. Though I have to admit, it was funny, I can't tell you how relieved I was it wasn't mine.
The further I get away from that weekend, the easier it is to see our differences were the very thing that many women were able to relate to...and more important the very thing that God used to touch their lives.
"I don't know if you remember me," one girl told me when I recently visited for another event in NJ."I've been clean ever since I heard your story...you know, what God did in your life"
"Wow, thanks for sharing that." I answered.
"Hey, and remember that Pink Lady? I loved her!!!"
"Yeah," I could honestly say, "Me too!"
"Why?" was one question that immediately came to mind, but...thanks, Ashley, you thought of it first. His answer? He reaches out to particular people. So...I'm guessing he expected the response, but, I gotta tell ya...just "reading" all the tension sends me back to the safety of my own 'blog'
Hmmm...I don't know if I've been called to reach out to a certain group of people. I have thought about it before...not exactly the best time to do a lot of meditating on it.... in front of about 100 women. At a retreat in New Jersey. I'd been invited to lead the music after sharing a little about myself on the first night...unfortunately, the "Pink-Cookie lady" went first. I call her that because her ministry began when she got the idea of having a cookie social one night a week at her house. She invited all the women in her neighborhood and it just grew. (mine began when we begged and groveled with the same folks who used to come to our house to party) Oh...and the pink part was because her favorite color, plus everything she had, was pink.
I could feel my heart sink as the "pink lady" began sharing about her life. She said she'd been the 'apple of her daddy's eye' She told the story of how she just loved riding in her dad's pink cadillac. He was so proud of her. In fact she and her sisters all knew they were so special to their daddy, he would comb their hair. The beloved little girls to leave would leave their shoes out at night...and he'd clean them.
It got worse. Flipping around a huge poster, she shared that the knight (that's what I said...a life-size pic of a guy in a suit of armor) was the young man that would "ask for her hand." Taking her to a real castle, he got on his knees....but...guess what? He didn't warn her, so she wasn't dressed like the princess she always dreamed of and...This" she shared, "would be one of the first of many disappointments ahead."
"Was she kidding?" I thought. I met the father of my third child in a bar, after too many drinks. Besides a son from my first marriage, I was the single mother of a newborn at home. I just didn't seem to do anything the 'right' way. This woman was the epitome of perfection. Was this some kind of joke? By the time it was my turn, I felt totally inadequate.
"You know what?" I asked the women when it was my turn. "If I was God...and you oughtta be real glad I'm not...but, if I was. I'd probably send me to people I could relate to... maybe...to 'rehabs, recovery centers, physciatric hospitals, PRISON...but, no...where does God send me? To the most terrifying place imaginable...a room full of "church ladies."
They laughed. Why'd they laugh? Because half of them knew what I meant. They were scared of 'church ladies' too...and didn't consider themselves to be one of them. Anyway, after I shared my own daddy story...or...lack of daddy story...or too many "daddies" story, I sat down and wondered how in the world God would work this out. We seemed to come from different planets; me and the "Pink Cookie Lady" speaker.
I realized alot about myself that weekend. First of all, how much I still had to work out. I could probably take nails scraping slowly across a blackboard than someone...a grown woman... talking about how precious she was to her father. I was there to lead others in openly worshipping God, when to be honest, I could feel the critical hairs standing on end and the proverbial arms beginning to fold. When the Pink Princess brought out a...a...."tierra", sheer panic set in. We were to pass it around the room after wearing the dainty little crown, representing our own 'princesshood.' "God, you've got to be kidding!" I prayed and sweated it out, but thank goodness I was passed over.
Our differences were so extreme that it was difficult to see the point of our leading this thing together. She began to tell us all about her dissent into darkness when her "knight" wasn't as willing to clean her shoes or do some of the other things her daddy did to make her feel so special.
Give me a break. Good grief, how would she deal with having a father who'd leave before she was even born? How about the violence, chaos and other wierd things a parade of men would add to her childhood? I wondered how she'd have dealt with unfaithfulness, rejection and abuse, not to mention years of a crushing, chronic illness....and.... Wait a minute. What was I doing? Letting my blasted pride run rampant, that's what! Yep...I learned more about what was still lurking in my own heart than I really cared to know. Suddenly the Pink Cookie lady described how resentment and anger deepened with each new disappointment. Unable to overcome festering bitterness, her life became gripped by a paralyzing depression.
That weekend, I was there at that retreat to lead others in worship to a God, who I loved and served because of His unconditional love. One of the greatest attributes I am able to share with others is the fact that God does not look on us as others do, but looks deep into our hearts. In other words, He doesn't compare us to one another...doesn't measure us by the standards we constantly hold each other to, yet, you know what? I was sitting there, doing just that! The Creator of the universe loved the Pink Cookie Lady wholly and unconditionally, yet, I viewed her through a hard heart that somehow felt her pain wasn't as valid as mine...or the things that brought this woman's world crashing down somehow shouldn't, concluding that her trials were piddly next to my own.
Yep, I learned alot that weekend. I learned that suffering is suffering. Hurt is hurt. The disappointment that would cripple the Pink Cookie lady, was no less painful to her than the abuse and rejection that brought me to a place where life didn't seem worth living. God had met us both in those places.
I finished the last music set and was thinking how despite the initial worrying, I was getting more comfortable....then suddenly..."Oh Geez, the speaker was wearing a "birthday cake" hat on her head. She had little gifts for everyone who celebrated a birthday that weekend. Though I have to admit, it was funny, I can't tell you how relieved I was it wasn't mine.
The further I get away from that weekend, the easier it is to see our differences were the very thing that many women were able to relate to...and more important the very thing that God used to touch their lives.
"I don't know if you remember me," one girl told me when I recently visited for another event in NJ."I've been clean ever since I heard your story...you know, what God did in your life"
"Wow, thanks for sharing that." I answered.
"Hey, and remember that Pink Lady? I loved her!!!"
"Yeah," I could honestly say, "Me too!"
Tuesday, May 03, 2005
"Unsubscribed"
I never get over the heebie jeebies of sending out these ministry newsletters. No matter how many people say they enjoy them. No matter how many people tell me they got them at a "coincidentally" perfect moment when life was falling apart at the seams. No matter what, I never, ever push that 'send' button with confidence that it's not going to somehow get to someone who didn't want or ask for it. It never fails, there is always one address in the list that mysteriously gets picked up from who knows where, snatched right out of cyber space and placed right smack dab in the midde of my address book. That's why the option for 'unsubscribe' is on the bottom of the letter... "as always, if you no longer want to continue receiving this newsletter, just hit reply with the word "unsubscribe" in the subject." Don't worry, it won't hurt my feelings....for long." It's a joke! I add the little "hurt feelings" part because I'm thinking...I'm hoping...I'm talking to friends.... I'm not selling anything...and I'm not trying to get them to do anything. I'll be honest I don't really expect to get a reply with "unsubscribe" in the subject. And when I do, I lied! It DOES hurt my feelings, daggone it :) Good grief, how am I ever gonna "turn the other cheek," when I can't get past "unsubscribe?"
Monday, May 02, 2005
Stunned by Grace
We went out to dinner the other night..to Carabbas...great food, wonderful friends...had a great time...but, once in the car to go home...Frank is quiet after commenting something about my passion. Uh, oh...Passion??? i realize, not the first time either, that I talk way too doggone much! I have a habit of doing that and then going over and over it in my head. Honestly, I really do try to be graceful, make a sincere effort to keep conversation uplifting, inspiring, I tell you what, it can go south in a New York minute.
Is this only me? And why is it? Well...I can only speak for myself as to why...sometimes I simply feel it's MY duty to fill an awkward silence. Other times, I have more insidious motives; I want people to get where I'm coming from, I want to state my case, defend my choices, display my knowledge, articulate my point, express my view. Starting to see a common denominator? This is probably the coolest thing about "blogging"; you get to see the words... before actually spewing them all over the place. But even then, I can look at what I've written and think "Shut UP MELANIE"
Blogs in themselves are our own thoughts and views expressed so all can see. I've been on a Christian one lately that has drawn a lot of people with, let's just say, very different views...mostly due to a kind of bizzare thing that would have never happened before blogging... a challenge extended to a well known celebrity who also happens to be a leader of this other view and has a blog of her own. While some try to reason their points with politeness and respect, others get downright nasty. Both sides. Stay on these things long enough, you can just sense the frustration...each side trying to find just the right words, make just the right argument that will suddenly change the hearts and minds of those who don't agree. It can 'bloggle' your mind!
This morning, thinking...praying, meditating, realizing I was using way too much "I and me," which is way too much pressure. Went back to looking at Jesus, his reactions to people. Never argued, at least not with everyday people, only the religious. Can you just imagine? The leper, the woman caught in adultery, the blind guy, the woman at the well who was married 4 or five times, the horrible tax collector (not much has changed there, huh?), the thief on the cross, the Roman centurion, etc, etc, all their lives, so near, yet so outcast to the synogogue, branded unholy by the religious. Can you just imagine the surprise, no the shock...when the very ONE who fulfilled the very religion the religious claimed to represent did the totally unexpected? Arguing, rebuking, judging, condescending...that they could understand. That's what they'd come to expect from religion. But this strange, yet profoundly confident young rabbi seemed to delight in singling out the least likely, the isolated, the hopeless, the unacceptable, the unlovable, the unholy. Never once in those unlikely encounters did Jesus ask them to clean up their act and then He'd think about hanging out with them. He never tried to change their view of religion, or reason with their behavior. In fact, He didn't seem as concerned with their behavior as touching their heart. What a scandal it all must have been. He even had the irreverence...the audacity to address God as Father. Too personal...blasphemous, actually. The fear this must have instilled...fear enough to kill Him. And how did He react to this opposition? He didn't come up with pithy one-liners to try to prove His way was the right way, or even get frustrated when others refused to see His point of view, He didn't argue or defend Himself even when they spit on Him, crowned Him with thorns or put a blindfold on Him and hit Him in the face. He didn't protest or complain about His unfair treatment even when they nailed His hands to the cross and He hung there, bloody and beaten beyond recognition, alone, betrayed and abandoned. Sometimes in the familiarity of the crucifix, we gloss over the hideously mangled body of God in the flesh, the epitome of what His own creation was capable of? Yet, could crucifixion have just as easily entailed nailing the victims hands to their sides? Was it a coincidence or are His arms stretched out on that cross on purpose? Accentuating His invitation? "come," "all you who are tired and weary...come to me"
Oh, but, for those on the receiving end of His touch, to those who've accepted the offer, the invitation of His mercy...I can not only imagine...I do know how they must have felt.... So do others...
A brochure explaining a new resource center for women coming out of prison ends with a personal note by the founder. I never noticed it before. An ex-offender herself, she has closed the letter, "Stunned by His grace" I love it! The perfect description of another new friend who invited me to a luncheon yesterday. She's an awesome vocalist, the lead singer in a local, hometown band, talented enough for something more, but yesterday, I was moved to tears by the words she powerfully, yet humbly delivered "Who am I, that the Lord of all the earth, would seek to know my name?" ...vulnerably beautiful, still obviously reeling from the surprise that she should dare run into those same outstretched arms. I'm so glad she asked me to come.
We, in the "stunned club" are not the first, we won't be the last to realize this is no predictable and rote religion, but God turning the world upside down. There's nothing to argue about. The reality of His mercy is just too precious. Slave-trader Mr. Newton (can't remember his first name) was so moved by this unexpected mercy, we're still singing his words "Amazing Grace, How sweet the sound that saved a wretch like me."
Still, I'm curious and read the blogs...the celebrity seems to have a lot of passionate opinions and vents a lot of frustration, particuarly with Christians. Yet, she makes an interesting comment about her born-again in-laws. (Hmmm...don't you love God's sense of humor?) She admits a rant over her mother-in-law's political stand. One in which she vehemently disagrees on. The mother-in-law lets her go on...then lovingly changes the subject. Her desire to love is obviously stronger than her desire to be right. The star doesn't even realize it's not her born-again mother-in-law she's drawn to, when she admits to being surprised that she likes this woman...Can't help thinking I like her too.
Once again, another argument on another blog about your truth, my truth, your way, my way...hmmm...should I post just one post....just one clever enough argument to prove that if the bible's truth isn't THE truth, if Jesus isn't the only way, than there's nothing to hold onto...the change in my life and all the other 'stunned club' members lives are built on an illusion...and...and...
Melanie..., just shut UP!!!! :)
Is this only me? And why is it? Well...I can only speak for myself as to why...sometimes I simply feel it's MY duty to fill an awkward silence. Other times, I have more insidious motives; I want people to get where I'm coming from, I want to state my case, defend my choices, display my knowledge, articulate my point, express my view. Starting to see a common denominator? This is probably the coolest thing about "blogging"; you get to see the words... before actually spewing them all over the place. But even then, I can look at what I've written and think "Shut UP MELANIE"
Blogs in themselves are our own thoughts and views expressed so all can see. I've been on a Christian one lately that has drawn a lot of people with, let's just say, very different views...mostly due to a kind of bizzare thing that would have never happened before blogging... a challenge extended to a well known celebrity who also happens to be a leader of this other view and has a blog of her own. While some try to reason their points with politeness and respect, others get downright nasty. Both sides. Stay on these things long enough, you can just sense the frustration...each side trying to find just the right words, make just the right argument that will suddenly change the hearts and minds of those who don't agree. It can 'bloggle' your mind!
This morning, thinking...praying, meditating, realizing I was using way too much "I and me," which is way too much pressure. Went back to looking at Jesus, his reactions to people. Never argued, at least not with everyday people, only the religious. Can you just imagine? The leper, the woman caught in adultery, the blind guy, the woman at the well who was married 4 or five times, the horrible tax collector (not much has changed there, huh?), the thief on the cross, the Roman centurion, etc, etc, all their lives, so near, yet so outcast to the synogogue, branded unholy by the religious. Can you just imagine the surprise, no the shock...when the very ONE who fulfilled the very religion the religious claimed to represent did the totally unexpected? Arguing, rebuking, judging, condescending...that they could understand. That's what they'd come to expect from religion. But this strange, yet profoundly confident young rabbi seemed to delight in singling out the least likely, the isolated, the hopeless, the unacceptable, the unlovable, the unholy. Never once in those unlikely encounters did Jesus ask them to clean up their act and then He'd think about hanging out with them. He never tried to change their view of religion, or reason with their behavior. In fact, He didn't seem as concerned with their behavior as touching their heart. What a scandal it all must have been. He even had the irreverence...the audacity to address God as Father. Too personal...blasphemous, actually. The fear this must have instilled...fear enough to kill Him. And how did He react to this opposition? He didn't come up with pithy one-liners to try to prove His way was the right way, or even get frustrated when others refused to see His point of view, He didn't argue or defend Himself even when they spit on Him, crowned Him with thorns or put a blindfold on Him and hit Him in the face. He didn't protest or complain about His unfair treatment even when they nailed His hands to the cross and He hung there, bloody and beaten beyond recognition, alone, betrayed and abandoned. Sometimes in the familiarity of the crucifix, we gloss over the hideously mangled body of God in the flesh, the epitome of what His own creation was capable of? Yet, could crucifixion have just as easily entailed nailing the victims hands to their sides? Was it a coincidence or are His arms stretched out on that cross on purpose? Accentuating His invitation? "come," "all you who are tired and weary...come to me"
Oh, but, for those on the receiving end of His touch, to those who've accepted the offer, the invitation of His mercy...I can not only imagine...I do know how they must have felt.... So do others...
A brochure explaining a new resource center for women coming out of prison ends with a personal note by the founder. I never noticed it before. An ex-offender herself, she has closed the letter, "Stunned by His grace" I love it! The perfect description of another new friend who invited me to a luncheon yesterday. She's an awesome vocalist, the lead singer in a local, hometown band, talented enough for something more, but yesterday, I was moved to tears by the words she powerfully, yet humbly delivered "Who am I, that the Lord of all the earth, would seek to know my name?" ...vulnerably beautiful, still obviously reeling from the surprise that she should dare run into those same outstretched arms. I'm so glad she asked me to come.
We, in the "stunned club" are not the first, we won't be the last to realize this is no predictable and rote religion, but God turning the world upside down. There's nothing to argue about. The reality of His mercy is just too precious. Slave-trader Mr. Newton (can't remember his first name) was so moved by this unexpected mercy, we're still singing his words "Amazing Grace, How sweet the sound that saved a wretch like me."
Still, I'm curious and read the blogs...the celebrity seems to have a lot of passionate opinions and vents a lot of frustration, particuarly with Christians. Yet, she makes an interesting comment about her born-again in-laws. (Hmmm...don't you love God's sense of humor?) She admits a rant over her mother-in-law's political stand. One in which she vehemently disagrees on. The mother-in-law lets her go on...then lovingly changes the subject. Her desire to love is obviously stronger than her desire to be right. The star doesn't even realize it's not her born-again mother-in-law she's drawn to, when she admits to being surprised that she likes this woman...Can't help thinking I like her too.
Once again, another argument on another blog about your truth, my truth, your way, my way...hmmm...should I post just one post....just one clever enough argument to prove that if the bible's truth isn't THE truth, if Jesus isn't the only way, than there's nothing to hold onto...the change in my life and all the other 'stunned club' members lives are built on an illusion...and...and...
Melanie..., just shut UP!!!! :)
Thursday, April 28, 2005
Real Christianity
I ran into Joseph the other day. Never met the guy in my life before, now I run into him twice in a week.
I met him for the first time at the meeting last week to join in prison ministry. Always wanted to do this, since the only difference in myself and lots of people in there (particuarly women) is the fact that I didn't get caught doing some of the same stuff they're sitting in jail for. But, I have to tell you that's not the only reason I was glad to be at this meeting the other day. Still gives me goose bumps...the simple, yet seriously profound message all wrapped up in Joseph, as he spoke to us about the impact of Jesus Christ on his life.
Incarcerated for 15 of his 40 years for mostly theft and drugs, this guy shared how he'd used, and abused people and things to get whatever he wanted, whenever he wanted...did anything to get his own way. BUT...when Joseph got to the part about finding out what Jesus Christ had done for him even in the midst of his selfishness, how He'd forgiven him and given him hope...this great big teddy bear of a guy cried like a baby. He became so overwhelmed, he had to stop. To hear his past and see the genuine tenderness and vulnerability in this man's face moved my heart, I have to admit, a lot more than many of the church services I've been in. (I didn't say all...I said "many")
However, Joseph wasn't there to share his story just to tell us about what God had done in his life. He was there with a sobering urgency, encouraging this group...no almost imploring us...to
"please, please, don't give up," he begged still in tears, "I know it's a beautiful day and you all could be home with your families...I knew that even when I was in jail." he spoke directly to some who'd met Joseph in prison. "Come on people," he continued seriously, but tenderly. "Jesus is real! What you're doing matters...But, please don't stop taking this hope, this light...into such a dark place. Please." He ended softly.
Wow! His apparent love for his fellow offenders was so very genuine, I could hardly contain the tears while telling him how he blessed me with his story. Surprised him I know with the fact that I could relate, cause I know I maybe look like your average, middle age, PTA lady, so it's probably hard to imagine some of the stuff lurking in my past. But that's just it...it was my 'past' and there couldn't be a more compelling message about the transforming power of the gospel from the most intelligent of the intelligent theologins. (sp?) Just reminds me of that verse in 1Corinthians 1; "Think of what you were when you were called. Not many of you were wise by human standards; not many were influential; not many were of noble birth. But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. He chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things - and the things that are not - to nullify the things that are - so that no one can boast..."
Heck, I think we're all going to be surprised when it's all over.
I hope I run into Joseph again sometime.
I met him for the first time at the meeting last week to join in prison ministry. Always wanted to do this, since the only difference in myself and lots of people in there (particuarly women) is the fact that I didn't get caught doing some of the same stuff they're sitting in jail for. But, I have to tell you that's not the only reason I was glad to be at this meeting the other day. Still gives me goose bumps...the simple, yet seriously profound message all wrapped up in Joseph, as he spoke to us about the impact of Jesus Christ on his life.
Incarcerated for 15 of his 40 years for mostly theft and drugs, this guy shared how he'd used, and abused people and things to get whatever he wanted, whenever he wanted...did anything to get his own way. BUT...when Joseph got to the part about finding out what Jesus Christ had done for him even in the midst of his selfishness, how He'd forgiven him and given him hope...this great big teddy bear of a guy cried like a baby. He became so overwhelmed, he had to stop. To hear his past and see the genuine tenderness and vulnerability in this man's face moved my heart, I have to admit, a lot more than many of the church services I've been in. (I didn't say all...I said "many")
However, Joseph wasn't there to share his story just to tell us about what God had done in his life. He was there with a sobering urgency, encouraging this group...no almost imploring us...to
"please, please, don't give up," he begged still in tears, "I know it's a beautiful day and you all could be home with your families...I knew that even when I was in jail." he spoke directly to some who'd met Joseph in prison. "Come on people," he continued seriously, but tenderly. "Jesus is real! What you're doing matters...But, please don't stop taking this hope, this light...into such a dark place. Please." He ended softly.
Wow! His apparent love for his fellow offenders was so very genuine, I could hardly contain the tears while telling him how he blessed me with his story. Surprised him I know with the fact that I could relate, cause I know I maybe look like your average, middle age, PTA lady, so it's probably hard to imagine some of the stuff lurking in my past. But that's just it...it was my 'past' and there couldn't be a more compelling message about the transforming power of the gospel from the most intelligent of the intelligent theologins. (sp?) Just reminds me of that verse in 1Corinthians 1; "Think of what you were when you were called. Not many of you were wise by human standards; not many were influential; not many were of noble birth. But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. He chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things - and the things that are not - to nullify the things that are - so that no one can boast..."
Heck, I think we're all going to be surprised when it's all over.
I hope I run into Joseph again sometime.
Wednesday, April 27, 2005
New York, New York
For Frank's birthday, (April 16th) I kind of surprised him. (Actually, although I WANTED to steal him away at the last minute, but, Frank is so hard to pin down...our history together compelled me to forget that idea) Still...he went along when I revealed the plan and last weekend, we went up to New Jersey with plans to take the Ferry in Hoboken to New York for one of the two days. We never did get on the ferry, but made it to Hoboken on the way home. What a cute, quaint little town! Anyway, the whole object of the trip was to see a sax player who Frank admires. Bob Ackerman and his wife, Pam Purvis, who sings and plays keyboard were appearing at the Savoy Grille in Newark, NJ. Bob is a monster on the sax and also plays flute. They were adorable together! Pam told me they've been together for 30 years. They were awesome!!! The food there was excellent also, if you ever get a chance to go. I'd made reservations in Jersey City and took great pains to get all the various directions to the restaurant and ferry, etc. But...true to the style of my husband, he made me cancel and wanted to see the place first. I have to admit, I was kind of disappointed, because haven't you ever been in that situation, where you're wasting a lot of time looking for a hotel, getting agrivated and wind up either paying too much money or hated the place? None of that happened this time, and we stayed near the Meadowlands Stadium at the Sheraton. From our room on the 17th floor, we could see the sun rise ocross the Hudson River across the New York skyline. It was incredible. Like I said, we skipped the ferry and took a bus into New York the next day. I didn't realize how close we were. I thought, since I was the expert because I've been there five times, I have to confess, it was just as confusing as ever. Look at all the maps you want, but, uptown, midtown, downtown...it takes a lot to get used to. Another thing that takes getting used to was the walking. Here, we drive our car to the store....that we can see!!! We walked for miles while neither of us was used to it. I've never felt so decrepid. We started out enthusiastic and maybe a little cocky..."Pick us up at 10:45" we told the shuttle driver. That was the latest scheduled pickup, but you had to arrange it with the hotel. Are you kidding??? by 7:00 we looked at each other and had the same thought. Back to the hotel!!! We were done!!! We did, however, see a Broadway Show...a matinee. I'm glad because I wouldn't have wanted to pay 100 dollars a ticket when we could see "Little Women" for 50. That's right!!!! I said "Little Women" Frank had never heard of Little Women and we we'd been enjoying being off our feet for at least 10 minutes when he suddenly realized he was probably one of about 5 men peppered in an audience of 500. Haha! "Melanie" he asked sheepishly. Is this a chick play??? I have to admit it was...but it was good...after all, it was on Broadway and starred Maureen McGovern? Remember her??? "The Poisiedon Adventure" (There's got to be a morning after....) Except that Maureen was off for the matinee version. Oh well...we enjoyed it. I couldn't help feeling at one point during the day that we could probably play ourselves in an episode of Seinfeld...as some dorky tourists; I asked the person in the ticket booth what she would suggest, something more family friendly...I remembered the soup nazi episodes as she said "I don't know...I don't make the choices...I just sell the tickets. Pick something." If I hadn't tried to act decisive, when I'm really not...we may not have enjoyed "Jo, Beth, Amy, Marmee...and (I can't remember the other girls name) ...It was good..I think we both nodded off for a moment, but I think that's just because we were EXHAUSTED from walking!!!! We capped it off with dinner at Ollie's Chinese food, right there in Time's Square, where again I pushed another harried New Yorker to the brink by asking her what her favorites on the menu were. After an instant of shock, disgust...or maybe just another "oh no, another dork from out of town" look, it was hard to tell:):) She finally quipped "I don't know, everything's good...just pick something." It was great, though, it's part of the whole experience of being in New York. We loved it...especially when we made it back to the hotel...off our feet.
Monday, April 25, 2005
Anyone Got an Extreme Makeover to Share?
When I was working in the salon, my very favorite thing was to do were makeovers! I love makeovers on anything! I could spend hours watching “Trading Spaces” and that Extreme House show..don't you love it? The before and after pictures of houses, rooms or people incredibly amazing. In the salon, Spring was a great makeover motivator! Coming out the grey-blah of winter, lots of my clients were game for a ‘new look’. How exciting to go for a new hair color, maybe brighten up with some highlights or a sassy new style. Even a new spring look of makeup colors can make you feel ‘perky’. However, there is one Extreme makeover that never goes out of style, never gets old and is never outdated. It’s the makeover of the heart! That happens only when Christ brings the change. Do you have a before and after story to your life? I’d love to hear any about the changes you’ve experienced through the love of Christ. You can read mine at http://www.melaniesita.com/
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